It’s a woman from work who is having problems with her husband (lips thinning) and calls every night (raised eyebrows) who my husband thinks is really cool (eyes narrowing) and who he also thinks is a whole lot like me (GASP!).
Me, I’m happy for him. He’s never had a real close friend (except for me, of course-- and I don’t count) in the 20 years we’ve been together while he’s had to suffer through his jealousy over my really close guy friends. But I’m surprised by the venom some of my friends displayed upon hearing about this friend.
How would you react if your SO suddenly had a “best friend”?
I am not the jealous type. My wife is an actress and sometimes she must kiss a guy on stage. (still waiting for her to cast as a lesbian) Many people think I should be terribly upset and jealous about this. But if I’m not upset over her changing clothes in a small room where men are also changing clothes then I guess I just don’t get jealous.
Hmm…I’d have to say I’d probably be somewhat suspicious. It just seems odd. While I’m sure this woman is going through a difficult time right now, can’t she find any really cool woman friends to talk to? Unless the woman feels that having a male friend to bounce things off of is more helpful, then I hope she doesn’t try to pursue things too far.
Isn’t it amazing how insecure people are about themselves.
Mr. Ujest has many female friends. They adore him in a non-sexual way. He is the quisessential big brother that every female wants in life. Solid, dependable, and great big teddy bear hugs.
I have never had a fleeting thought of unfaithfulness on his part.
I’ve often said that he would be the only guy that if he ever got trapped in an elevator with the Maxim Girls or the Swedish Bikini Team that he would come out of it hugging all the girls and they would all call him “cute”.
Not that he wouldn’t want to get laid by all of them. It just wouldn’t happen.
My girlfriend has a guy best friend. I haven’t met him yet (he lives out of town) but I’m not jealous. She’s known him a lot longer than she’s known me and so she’s had plenty of opportunity to have an affair with him then. Plus, I trust her.
My ex, however, thought it was a sign that I didn’t care about her enough because I didn’t have a problem with her having male friends. One of the reasons she’s an ex :).
Sounds like my husband - he gets and gives hugs to various female friends, at least one of whom has basically adopted him as the brother she never had. He’s the big cuddly sweet guy type, who will also turn into the big protective type if need be.
Back in college, he went to an old friend’s bachelor party, which ended up an exotic dance club (no nudity but “interesting” outfits/lingerie worn). The other guys were dumbstruck as he ended up with a small group of the off-duty dancers hanging out around him, talking about what classes they were taking at their colleges.
I don’t distrust him at all. I’ve had reason to distrust the occasional woman who’s been a friend of his, though (one literally threw herself at him, and he pried her off and said no, and told me about it later), but I don’t let that bother me. He treats me wonderfully and I do my best to be great to him as well.
If some new woman started calling my man every night, I wouldn’t be cool with it. If I knew her, and she ran around with our group, it would be different. But, some random woman, no.
I’m not saying males and females (married or not) can’t have members of the opposite sex, nor am I implying that I’m insecure. What I AM saying is, a lot of times, things (or people) are not as innocent as they seem. I’ve had a few unpleasant surprises in my life, and am finally learning to keep one eye open.
Any guy who tried to tell me what gender my friends should be would be booted out on his ass so fast it would make his head spin. If he doesn’t trust me, then what are we doing together anyway?
That said, I believe in complete honesty. If I found out my husband or S.O. was hiding things about a woman or about the nature of their relationship, he’d have some serious ‘splainin’ to do,
I think the part everyone so far has missed is “…is having problems with her husband and calls every night.”
One question please, Biggirl: Does he have these phone conversations in your presence, or does he leave the room to talk? And before everyone jumps all over THAT: yes, yes, you should trust your husband enough to have a private conversation. What I am asking is: Is he just as comfortable having these talks with you in the room, as he would be having them in private? And yes, IT IS significant.
I do not find the friend suspicious in and of itself. I would get suspicious if he STOPS wanting to talk about this friend and she stops calling when you are home, he leaves the room to have a conversation with her, or you are not welcome to tag along if they go somewhere. If his behavior toward you changes in subtle ways, such as more distant or sarcastic or complaining, or if sexual things change in any way. Cheaters can also try to overcompensate by being nice where they never used to be (buying flowers when they never did, etc), wanting to fool around MORE often, worrying more about the way they dress, taking care of themselves differently.
Without any of these warning signs, I would not be worried at all.
Ditto Maureen. Your husband may think they’re just friends, but I’m not too sure what she thinks.
Why don’t you meet her? Not to check up on your husband, but just to let her know that Bigboy is taken. Friends, yes. Potential fling to get back at husband, no.
