My sympathies to your landlord but his responsibilities aren’t your problem. He can take his one good hand and dial a phone to get it taken care of. Every landlord I know has a list of handymen to take care of things. Even landlords who are do-it-yourselfers have to rely on other people at some point.
And not that I want to go into details but it’s more than likely a bird that’s fallen down the flue and is near the furnace and not the roof.
Naw… met with her boss this morning (that’s the store director). She said she had been made aware of the situation via other parties even before she saw my e-mail and had had a discussion with my boss even before I showed up this morning. Reassured me during the meeting that my presence despite my family crisis was much appreciated and that I would not have to put up with such treatment again. If anyone gets out of line I’m to contact her directly.
She’s actually a very decent person.
Yes, but NO ONE is going to go up on a roof covered in a layer of ice, it would be stupid, if not outright suicidal. Until the roof conditions are less hazardous some things just won’t get done.
Nope - the flue and chimney were thoroughly refurbished and a screen to keep critters out put in earlier this fall during furnace repairs.
MUCH more likely it’s a mouse. Either that, or another damn raccoon got into the attic and this one expired there, but I’m guessing mouse.
It was a mouse.
something’s gone your way. good to here.
Huh. “Discovery of small, decomposing corpse” a positive… life is strange.
Husband still has some pain, but at a lower, not-crazy level all weekend. He tires easily and still has blood coming from his bladder. I suspect this will continue until he has some form of surgery to fix the problem but the game plan is still to do chemo to reduce the cancer, then do surgery. It is possible to visit him and have real conversations, ranging from current events to reminiscing about stuff from decades ago. When he gets tired I read a book or do crosswords or solitaire on my tablet. He takes comfort just from knowing I’m there.
He’s eating a little bit again. Also planning to take some V8 juice with me today (yes, I will clear it with the nurse before I hand it to him, but they’ve mentioned that in general they can allow me to bring stuff in as getting any nutrition into him at this point is a good thing). We’re going try to tackle some of the legal stuff, go over computer passwords, and things like that today, but also try to get a movie in (I’m bringing the laptop computer with me)
The job problem got resolved. The boss has backed off (she’s having “issues”, but frankly, I don’t give a damn) and I was able to get my assigned work completed. Wouldn’t surprise me to have some problems come up in the future for whatever reason but right now that’s under control.
Thought about the notion of getting groceries delivered, but, you know, half the store I work in is a grocery store. Picked up a bunch of frozen dinners after work yesterday, along with a honeydew melon, sandwich meat, carrots, lettuce, and a few other things that are easy and will keep. Seems half the time I’m eating at the hospital cafeteria anyway.
Decided I don’t like the weekends. During the week, in addition to my days off being between Monday and Friday, and can’t do anything on the weekends that makes me feel like I’m actually helping out with this stuff. Harder to get questions answered because most folks have the weekend off.
Was hoping some of the building issues could be addressed this week, now that the ice from last week’s storm has finally melted, but we’re supposed to get another ice storm today! The slop has already hit Chicago and is coming my way.
Have a list of questions for the nurse advocate and/or the cancer doc (I’m hoping to see some of the docs today by simply being around the hospital this morning). While the phone contact has been excellent I do like to talk to people face-to-face (you get more nuances that way). Also have to check that the bills are all paid (we have some I do, some he does, want to make sure I haven’t forgotten any of his), check the bank balance and if necessary move some savings over to the checking account. Would be nice to get some housework done, too, at least the bare-bones stuff necessary to keep the place habitable.
There seems to be two competing assumptions: 1) I will spend all my “free” time taking care of the household, bills, etc. basically the “administrative” stuff and 2) I will spend all my “free” time taking care of the husband/being with him. Oh, and somehow fit full time work in there, too. These are not compatible assumptions. Still trying to work out a balance that works for me.
I did get to see some of the doctors today, but not the oncologist, which is the one I most wanted to see. However, our “nurse advocate” from the oncology practice did come by and spent a considerable amount of time with the two of us answering the questions I had left on my voice mail, and explaining why some of them could not be answered.
Game plan is to get him healthy enough to go home, his pain controlled (we’re getting there), no infections, and an access port installed for drawing blood and giving chemotherapy. Then the PET scan, then chemo. The nurse went over what to expect and was quite honest about the negative effects as well as the hoped-for positives.
Was there for his breakfast and lunch (I’ll be going back this evening, but don’t know if our dinners will match up). He’s not eating much, but he did say the V8 agreed with him so I’ll be bringing him more.
That’s the good side.
I tried to pay our phone/internet bill - but was told I was NOT on the account (WTF? I was when we set it up!) and the only way I’d be allowed to pay his bill was if I produced a death certificate! Uh, thanks customer “service”? Yeah, I got mad. Tried a local store - they at least said he didn’t have to die, if I could produce proof I have power of attorney the guy there could help me. OK, that might be doable. Or I can have the husband call. Very, very annoyed and I spent much more time on this than I should have, having a bajillion other things to worry about.
So much for getting some basic housework like dishes done. Oh, yeah - I can get help with his care, with housework not so much. Also thinking about getting rid of our busted-ass couch and replacing it with something that would work as both a couch and a spare bed (if us sharing a bed becomes problematic due to his physical issues). Called the landlord for advice about how to dispose of a couch around here, other then leaving it beside the road somewhere. We’ll probably have to dismantle it, in which case I’ll scrap the metal frame for money and we can chuck the fabric bits in the dumpster. I might also have to do some furniture re-arranging. Well, this might induce me to do some serious house-cleaning/junk removal, finally, which I’ve been dragging my feet on.
Oh, right - didn’t get to our monthly vehicle maintenance today, either - which is already a week later than usual due to Stuff, like cancer and ice storms (sorry, checking tire pressure isn’t worth slipping on ice and busting open my head or whatever).
Finally, I was going to take the computer (it’s a laptop) with me this morning so we could deal with some of the crap mentioned up-post but NOOOOOO–! Micro$uck decided TODAY was the VERY BEST DAY EVER to force an update on our system DESPITE us saying NO MORE AUTOMATIC UPDATES!!! Apparently they changed that toggle or something (we have Win 7, by the way) so instead of me being able to take the computer with me and deal with this shit I had to wait until THEY got done with MY machine. :rolleyes: Fuck you, Micro$uck.
Well, going to sign off soon, take a movie with me along with the computer, and see more of the husband tonight.
And… phone bill is paid. The husband was able to access the account and give me the passwords to that and everything else.
It turned out he wanted to websurf rather than watch a movie so that’s what happened.
Revisiting some things after reading the thread:
He’s apparently having some issues with the “cancer making him sick” thing (I spoke with the onocologist about this yesterday). He’s not normally sensitive to narcotics but while they’re working out the optimum pain regimen he certainly could get a dose that causes problems.
Upthread I mentioned that quite a bit of his agony was coming from fluid backup and swelling in his kidneys. That problem has been solved for now so that was a big help. Since he’s been in the hospital for a bit while everything else is happening they’re working out that optimum between “clear headed” and “feels no pain at all”. It’s getting better.
The sentiment is much appreciated. One of Mr. Broomstick’s former music students is a CPA (he’s actually the guy who does our taxes every year) and I contacted him about possible pitfalls with such fundraising. In addition to our friends, and you folks here, there are a quite a few people in the piping community who remember him and may wish to help out. I don’t want to get into a situation involving the IRS regarding it as income and taxing it, at least not without warning.
Another hitch is that our health insurance is based partly on us being low income - don’t want a situation where raising funds will be regarded as income and we’re dropped! (Yes, another perversity of the jacked up US health “system”)
I’m handling all that. We’ll be drafting an official power of attorney document so I should be able to act on his behalf without problem in the future. I’d prefer he do as much as he is able to do and wants to do, but realistically there are going to be times he can’t or is so miserable it’s better that I do it for him.
Right now I still have most of the money my late father left us so we can get by for now, but I can foresee issues down the road. If/when we set up the site I’ll ask the mods about advertising it here.
More updating:
Mr. Broomstick is getting stronger and his pain is better controlled since the doctors dealt with the swelling kidney problem. He was anemic as well (blood loss) and he’s getting iron. The docs don’t want to transfuse him unless necessary (but they will if it is). They seem to be taking the approach of being very willing to do necessary medical stuff but don’t want to subject him to anything more than actually necessary.
I’ve been bringing V8 in for him, which seems to be going down well (always double-check with the nurses in case some medical testing is planned and he has to be NPO for a bit). He’s been forcing himself to eat something every meal even if he doesn’t have much or any appetite. Both the doctors and the nurses have emphasized this as essential so he’s doing his best to cooperate.
The “nurse advocate”, a.k.a. “nurse navigator” from the oncologist’s office came by on Monday for patient and caregiver education. Nice to finally meet her face-to-face. Among other things, she broached the topic of a walker for him and answered a lot of questions. She was quite blunt with him regarding how he was going to feel on chemo but that’s really how we prefer it.
I also finally got to talk to the oncologist yesterday (she called me - we kept missing each other in person). The reality is that, barring a sky-diving accident or freak shark attack (can not be ruled out - he does have a scar from a shark bite) or something of the sort this is most likely what he will die of. But that doesn’t mean he’ll be gone tomorrow. It’s highly unlikely any treatment will get all the cancer, but treatment can reduce it considerably, delay its progression, and bring him more time. We spent some time talking about it last night. While, of course, it would be great for him to live to 100 that’s not likely now. He said he’d like to make it past 60, and he’d like to finish the new project he was planning to start with designing a new electronic musical instrument. And if things look good after that we can always come up with some more goals, right?
Of course, a lot depends on how well the chemo works. Which we just won’t know until he’s undergone the treatment. Maybe he’ll be one of the lucky ones. The doctor reassured me that even if chemo doesn’t work there are other options.
Chemo should start soon. Basically, we’re trying to get him healthy enough that we can make him really sick again. They’re supposed to install the venous access port today so they don’t have to repeatedly poke him full of holes, he’ll just have one reusable hole they can poke again and again.
Mr. Broomstick’s urologist came by and admitted he felt bad about not catching the bladder cancer earlier and they had a long discussion. It’s not like Mr. Broomstick’s health concerns had been ignored - he’d had vague problems in his belly for just a bit over a year now, had CT scans, and ultrasounds, and been to a GI specialist and no one had caught this earlier. No one. Not just the urologist. The urologist had been talking with his father, also a urologist and 40 years more experienced and asked his dad to review what he ha done. Basically, there’s nothing to indicate the regular doc did anything wrong or failed to follow up. It’s just that there was nothing screaming CANCER HERE! CANCER ALERT! until things had already progressed quite a bit. I had asked the oncologist about this, and she stated that a high grade cancer such as he has can in fact appear and move fast.
The urologist also discussed the future of Mr. Broomstick’s bladder - it may or may not have to go entirely (I’m suspecting “entirely” at this point, but what do I know?). He went over the consequences of losing one’s bladder and how it is dealt with medically which doesn’t sound that onerous, just different from how one normally pees.
We also told a local friend and businessman about Mr. Broomstick’s diagnosis. This gentleman has not only survived cancer, he’s also a multi-organ recipient. And a 30+ year survivor of both. I think he’ll be a great friend and resource for my husband as he goes through treatment, being someone who has been there.
Anyhow, today is a day off (paying) work. Took some time for myself this morning, but I’m about to start with household stuff like dishes and cleaning and boring stuff. Depending on a variety of factors I may or may not be at the hospital today during the planned procedure (my preference is to be elsewhere doing something useful, but if the docs or the husband want me there I sit in the waiting room with a book or crossword).
It sounds like you are beginning to get things a bit more calm which is good. I was happy to read “took some time for myself this morning.” Keep it up! I hope things go well from now on.
I’m actually a bit pissed off because of being asked to come out to the hospital by 10 am and having one delay after another in the husband’s planned “procedure”. As a result I got home after 6:30 pm and never did get the planned housecleaning done, the low tire on the truck filled, the laundry done (get to go to work in dirty clothes tomorrow), or a half dozen other items done. Really, I don’t know if it’s an assumption that there is a small army of friends and family taking care of this or no one cares if it get done or if I’m exhausted from spending the day at the hospital and THEN putting in a full day of household maintenance.
Yes, that’s the paranoid side. What it is, is that no one at the hospital ever thinks about such things. And if you say “but I have to get this done…” you get “but don’t you want to be there for your husband…?!?” Yes. I also want clean clothes, a clean house (haven’t you been hammering me about the dangers of infection?), vehicle maintenance done (so we can get him to and from treatment and, oh yes, so I can go to work, the store, etc.), and so on. It’s “oh, I’m sure they’ll get started in just another half an hour!” Next thing you know it’s 8 hours later, the day is gone, and you’re exhausted.
Then there was the woman in the surgical waiting room who had a meltdown - her financee had been brought in for a spinal fusion and when they opened him up they found bone cancer all up and down his spine. Which really sucks. It also sucks to be holding the hand of someone going "Oh, God, I wish it was just a broken back!". Yeah, that sucks - when a broken back is the lesser evil. Of course, bone cancer might also explain why a couple vertebrae broke… I gave her a literal shoulder to cry on and some tissue and stayed with her until her sister arrived for emotional support.
Husband is supposed to start chemo tomorrow. The oncologist is optimistic this is going to help. I’m hoping she’s right.
Thinking of ya tonight. You’re right that you’re basically working several full time jobs at once, and oh yes does that suck. Hang in there, cut yourself slack on ANYTHNG that can be put off a bit, and if there’s little crap you can temporarily do to make life easier now is the time. (I’m a big ol’ eco nut but when The Other Shoe was hospitalized, just switching to paper plates and disposable forks made a difference simply by reducing or eliminating cleanup chores.)
Yeah, I’ll wear my cleanest dirty shirt and pants tomorrow (at least I have clean underwear) and drop a load of laundry off on my way to work, pick it up on the way back. There’s food in the kitchen, just not a whole lot of it. And I’ll do some dishes before I go to bed tonight.
The whole disposable plates and cutlery might be a good way to go. *>sigh< * I actually enjoy cooking… when I have the time…
Oh, and although they have not sent us the Official Letter stating our health insurance is continued another year under the state-subsidized program they did send up a premium bill for next month…so I’ll take that as a “yes” and assume the notice letter is still on the way.
Our premiums went up 24%, largely because my income went up and our designated share is based on our income. Under the circumstances I’m not really complaining.
It stinks that you may have to quit doing, or limit doing, something you actually enjoy, like cooking, but go for ease. We use a lot more disposable items, and I hate it, but in order to get everyone’s needs met in a reasonable fashion, that’s the way it is. We have food, and clean clothes, and clean bodies, and are getting our medications on time. The bills are getting paid. Everything else is just gravy, and sometimes there is no time, money, or energy left for gravy.
Take care of yourself as best you can. You’re the juggler, all the balls are in the air, and you just know that there is someone on the sidelines with another ball, just waiting to toss it at you. Take care of yourself!
Part of the problem with ceasing to cook is that I have food allergies and the vast majority of prepared foods are off limits to me. Not cooking means severely limiting my own diet.
Which is why lunch today was an order of rice, steamed mixed vegetables, and cottage cheese - those were the only items they had at lunch at the hospital cafeteria that I was sure was safe for me to eat. Well, the very limited salad bar and the jello dessert, but a constant diet of those two isn’t good either. It wasn’t a bad lunch, arguably healthier than many, but choice restriction in food is just another source of stress sometimes.
At least the cafeteria has decent tea available.
I’m so sorry to hear that. You will be in my thoughts.
That makes a difference, then, because it doesn’t help you at all if you now have the stress of finding suitable food.
Please let something go, or hire it out. I speak as the person who has always been sick; my husband has been the caregiver. It is such a difficult job, and can suck up the entire day leaving you with nothing for yourself.
So sorry to see this…I’ve been away from the board a while, so just a bit of brain dumping…
Sounds like he should be on a steady dosing of pain meds - a fentanyl patch would be ideal.
Unbelievable that the insurance is dragging their heels on a PET/CT scan for staging. That said, most oncos seem to know how to beat insurance at their own game to get things done.
The elephant hiding behind the drapes…if he hasn’t done so already, NOW is the time for end of life planning. My husband passed before we were able to make wills and write down final wishes, so I had to do a lot of guessing and second-guessing myself that I was doing what he would have wanted, not just with him but with any things that he might have wanted to go to specific friends or family members.
Think I saw a mention of immunotherapy- that stuff can be stupid expensive but most of the pharmaceutical companies making MABs (most immunotherapy drug names end in -mab) have some sort of access program making it far cheaper or even free.
This last paragraph it so true and very well put. Broomstick this random Internet stranger is following and wish you and hubby good healing vibes and thoughts. I am pulling for you and Pai too.
Good to see you pop in Gotti.
Thank you.