Am I missing some considerable backstory here, encouraging people to conclude that the OP is misrepresenting the events he’s portrayed.
It depends on the kid and the overall family dynamics - which SlackerInc is going to be the only real judge of here. But not all resentment of this type is temporary. Kids who are sixteen can be amazingly short sighted and over reactive and often suffer from depression, alienation, and self esteem issues. And sometimes at this age their over reactions can have long term consequences.
There are plenty of kids who barely have relationships with their parents as adults because they built up resentment at sixteen or seventeen. And for kids whose parents are divorced, it usually isn’t easy to remain on good terms with all sides at all times, they usually carry resentment already from the divorce against one or both parents.
Or alternatively, they can be normal 16 year olds. Inexperienced, somewhat awkward, still a bit overwhelmed by adolescence, but other than that just fine. You know, like most kids of that age.
Fuck me, you make it sound as if the boy’s clearly so fragile that a single experience of “sorry mate, you’ll have to do NYC another time” is going to scar him and his relationship with his dad for life. There’s some serious projection coming out in this thread.
I don’t know that he OP’s ex is blameless. But the kid will go on vacation with the OP & his stepmother–so why should the OP spend lots of extra time complaining about his ex-wife?
I was replying to a message encouraging him to tell the kid just what a bitch his mother is. In detail. The kid’s going to Fargo instead of NYC, so why punish him more?
I beg your pardon, I didn’t say anything at all about THIS kid. I don’t know this kid. In this thread I’ve talked about my own kid, and I’ve talked about in general, this is not always temporary resentment. In fact, I went out of my way to say only Slacker here is going to know his own kid.
I think the OP is wise to not get all confrontational with the ex wife, given that he’ll have to coparent with her for 8 more years. That’s not a battle he will win and it sounds like she is trying to alienate the kids from their dad. I have seen this same dynamic repeat itself over and over with divorced parents. It is a terrible position to put kids in, just to spite your ex.
Call the grandparents directly (or have the 16 year old call them) & tell them about the conflict. Have them reschedule the NYC trip.
In what country do you live where you are obliged to co-parent 'til the kid is 24?
I count two more years.
There’s a younger sibling, around 13 or so. And if that one goes to college,it will be about 8 years till graduation.
Correct.
Gosh, thanks ever so much for the judgement, but in fact there is only one person IRL who has heard about this (my wife), and it’s going to stay that way. I stated unambiguously that I scrupulously avoid running down my older kids’ mother to them, and I meant it. That’s certainly because it’s wrong to do and it’s not good for them, but it also would just lead to more crap I don’t want to deal with.
Maybe I’m wrong but I got the impression from your posts that while you’re pissed at her, you do believe this wasn’t intentional (you called her scatter-brained). It’s pretty much everyone else that’s assigned her these devious intentions.
He mentioned that he also had a 12 year old daughter, so yeah just 6 years more of coparenting.
I wouldn’t bet the farm either way, on its being intentional or not being intentional. What I can say for sure, though, is that she definitely was negligent in just throwing the idea out there without making absolutely sure she had the dates right. After all, a simple Gmail search would have settled it (we have tried to get her to use Google Calendar so we can establish a shared calendar, but she just won’t for some reason).
Good. I’ve seen divorced couples pull all kinds of shit involving their kids. I’m friends with one particular ex-couple who likes to air dirty laundry on Facebook, which just makes everyone look bad.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been to Winnipeg a handful of times and to NYC and I’d choose Winnipeg any day.
Awesome! I’ve never been to Winnipeg (I used to live in Jersey City and worked in Manhattan), but I’m looking forward to it.
But yeah, I’m unilaterally disarmed in the “tear down your ex to the kids” dynamic here. My ex feels no such compunctions. I *hope *my kids interpret that as “our dad takes the high road; sad that Mom doesn’t”; but I sometimes *fear *it’s more like “I guess our mom just never did anything that anyone could criticize, unlike our dad”.
Sure, but this is more like if you were going to go to London and Paris but, instead, your parents decided that you had to visit Indianapolis with them. You might have a good time in Indianapolis but it still ain’t no Paris.