I’m only posting this because I was asked to post updates. I’m not bragging (well, maybe a little).
My seven-year-old was accepted into the gifted program at school. The school counselor and gifted teacher explained that our state allows schools to accept up to the top 5% into the program, but our school district only accepts the top 2%. So my husband asks, “This means she’s in the top 2%?” They explained that actually she is in the top 1%. I’m baffled. I mean, I’ve always known that she isn’t like most kids her age, but I am surprised by these results. I guess I’ll believe them though. I’m guessing that this is why my daughter has often reminded me of #5 in that movie Short Circuit.
I don’t have much more to add except that I hope this g/t program takes some pressure off of me. I have learned way more about Ancient Egypt than I ever wanted (even though it is an interesting subject for me) just trying to keep her satisfied. My brain’s all full now.
Just some advice from somebody who’s been there. I was in gifted programs all through my schooling. My parents always supported me in everything I did, but I never felt overly pressured. I learned a lot, I enjoyed it, and it was good for me. However, some of the kids in the same programs I was in were pushed to their limits by their parents and I got to see a lot of them break right in front of me.
I’m not a parent, I just remember what it was like to be a kid in that position and thought I’d let you know what I saw when I was there. Congratulations on your daughter’s acceptance.
Well, that’s fantastic! Good for you and your little girl. This sounds like it’s your first dip in the ocean of ‘gifted programs.’ May I offer some un-asked-for advice?
Follow your intuition. You know your little girl better than anyone else. If, for some unforeseen reason, she is unhappy in the program–don’t hesitate to remove her. I’m not implying that you wouldn’t always think of her first–but some programs do not work with certain kids. You will encounter parents that make you uncomfortable–“Oh, you’re not enrolling little ‘Janie’ in (insert expensive and elite gifted camp/group/whatever)?” “MY little boy has been doing (insert unbelievable academic skill/talent/whatever) since he was old enough to make eye contact…”
These people are using their kids to compete with you. You’re not a bad parent if you just smile, nod, say ‘good for you’ and walk away. You’re not cheating your daughter. Kids, as you are WELL aware, are very good at sending signals about how much they can or want to handle. You probably know all this. I don’t mean to imply that you couldn’t figure it out–just that it is very real.
I’ve encountered two types of gifted programs with my kids. The first was in Lincoln, Nebraska–it was wonderful. It was based on a desire to foster all children’s talents and gifts–whether they were social or academic. My son loved it–so did I.
The second is in the town I now live in. To gain ‘admittance,’ the kids have to take written tests. Pass–you’re in. Fail–no go. So if you have a particularly bright child, who just happens to be weak in the test-taking area…well, I guess that child is just not gifted. I sound bitter? Yup. Lots of smart kids are left feeling not only NOT gifted, but stupid.
One final thing and I will shut up–I promise. When my son made the gifted program, I sat him down and explained my take on the whole thing. That his talent/skill/whatever was something special he was born with or had developed and that is why it was called a gift. That this ‘gift’ was not for him. It was a gift for him to share with others–to use to help other people. That if he ever felt that he was better or deserved special treatment because of it–he was ruining it and didn’t deserve to have it. It helped him to know how I felt and that it didn’t matter to me one lick whether he was or wasn’t in any gifted program. I love him no matter what.
Now, if anything I have said is upsetting to you–please forgive me. I only want you and your daughter to have the best possible experience with this. But don’t feel that it defines her. I’m sure you won’t.
My best,
struuter
I’ve got one of those “top 1%” kids myself, and it’s quite an interesting life, isn’t it? I think struuter gave you (and me) some great advice. The main thing I’ve concentrated on (since the intellectual side is going so well) is making sure my daughter is developing well socially. I’ve kept her in regular public school classes with enrichment rather than putting her in full-time gifted classes. She’s in fifth grade now, and she’s done really well. Middle school terrifies me, but I’m getting as much information as I can about the public schools in town and resisting the temptation to get a second mortgage on the house in order to send her to private school.
Our younger daughter (age 7), who is walking in a pretty long shadow, is being referred for testing now. I’m a little worried that if she doesn’t test in the gifted range she’s going to think she’s inferior to her sister. We’ve been working on making sure she knows she’s special and important and extremely bright, no matter what her test scores are.
I’ve tried to teach my daughter two things about being “gifted.” First, just BEING intelligent does nothing - it’s a tool she’s lucky enough to have, and she has to learn to make good use of it. Second, if she assumes she knows more than other people because her I.Q. is higher than theirs, she’s giving up the chance that she’ll learn something from them - and everyone in the world has something worthwhile to teach us, if we take the time to find it. This came in very handy when she realized that she’s probably more intellectually gifted than her mother.
Brava, Legend. I’ve got a daughter who is–without a doubt–as bright as her brother. When he made the gifted program here and she didn’t, he asked to be removed. He told the teacher himself, without my knowledge, that if they couldn’t see how obviously gifted his sister was then he wasn’t interested in being a part of the program. He hated the idea (he told me later) of looking at her face and knowing that she’d ENJOY the program so much more than he would.
To be honest, I wouldn’t worry about your younger daughter. Not only does she have the great genes, but she’s had a superior role model and mentor in your older daughter.
Kids are amazing, aren’t they?
xizor–thanks. That was a much appreciated compliment. My son and I actually made a pact to try to treat all people we meet with that same attitude. (I think he’s having better luck than I am…)
So, doesn’t that mean then that the “less gifted” gifted students (at 3, 4, and 5%) in your school district are underserved? Or am I missing something here?
Obviously we at the SDMB have the smartest children. Fighting ignorance has its rewards.
Both my kids were in the “gifted” class since kindergarten. Watch out for the “dumbing down” syndrom. My daughter decided she would be liked more if she wasn’t so smart. Also, watch for “piling on”. My son was put into 3 different programs in one year. It overwhelmed him and he missed out on his summer vacation a few years back. He said he was being punished because he was smart.
I think he was put into the L.E.A.D. and a Prep for Prep because he is male and hispanic and black. You could fill alot of quotas with this kid.
Make sure your daughter continues to enjoy school and learning.
I was in G/T programs and they were great – I am glad I was able to participate but I do know about the dumbing down syndrome, most of my life I wished I could fit in and never could. When I was 15 I found alcohol was a great social lubricant and spent the next 16 years plastered. A little guidance when I was younger would have gone a long way to help me feel more normal. Please encourage your child to do as he/she pleases and try to teach good social skills. Especially bright children are often notoriously ill prepared socially, – they can carry on a conversation about Ra or Osiris or how they sucked the brains out of a person’s nose as part of mummification with a professor of Egyptology but don not know how to handle criticism or interact with others. I don’t have kids of school age but one of my older friends has a daughter that is bright, so much so that she wins scholarships for her national level science fair projects and such. She skipped a total of three grades and is a high school senior and is barely 15. He is now faced with the dilemma of 4 year scholarships to major schools totaling over $250,000 US but being afraid to send a barely 16 year old girl to be a college freshman someplace far-far-away.
I don’t agree that particularly bright children are necessarily ill prepared socially. Some of them are terrific socially with older kids or with adults but are dire with their age peers. I have made the choice on behalf of my child not to insist that he gets along with his age peers - his age peers contribute to this by basically thinking M is a total weird geek and from their perspective they are right. For them, he is. I don’t know how to fix this but I concentrate on finding peers for my kid in situations where he has a chance of success.
There are days where I think my kid would make a terrific eccentric adult but he is not much good at being a 7 yo
Tamex writes
So, doesn’t that mean then that the “less gifted” gifted students (at 3, 4, and 5%) in your
school district are underserved? Or am I missing something here?
Well it depends on how the gifted program is pitched. I believe very strongly that every child deserves to be extended and given opportunities regardless of where they fall on the bell curve. But if a school develops a gifted program, they need to have a cut off point somewhere. If you place that cut off point at the 98th percentile, then yeah some kids miss out. Place the cut off at the 95th percentile and research shows that the kids who test over the 99th percentile miss out. Most gifted programs don’t meet the needs of kids over the 99.9th percentile either but it is rare to see people whine about that. Gifted programs cannot be everything to everybody. Personally I would like to see more individualised programs which would eliminate the need for gifted programs at all but I doubt that will ever happen.
Here’s the deal (I think I’ve posted this once before sometime): In my school district, there are quite a few (say, 7 or so) elementary schools. There are two middle schools. There is one high school. I live on the south end of town (not the “good” part of town).
In third grade (the first year they start gifted programs here), I was tested. I made it in. I HAD been bored in school, so I figured, why not give it a shot? I then was informed that the gifted program was held at ONE of the elementary schools and ONE of the middle schools, and (suprise, suprise!) they were both in the “good” part of town. Well, being the young lad of whatever age it is that you are when you are in third grade, I decided it was best for me not to leave my “friends” at the school I was attending at the time. My parents fully supported me (as they would have had I chosen the other path). I was tested again in the fifth and seventh (I think) grades, and each time turned down the opportunity to join the gifted program, my rationale being that I would wait until highschool where I wouldn’t have to leave my “friends”. Big mistake.
See, what ended up happening was that by the time I made it to highschool, I had grown so bored of school and everything that I lost all my friends (maybe it was because I was advanced, maybe it was because I’m just not a friendly person, I don’t know). That not apparently being enough for whomever was trying to get me depressed, by the time highschool rolled around, the kids who are in this group had already solidified their little group and their cliques within it. So basically, I lost all my old friends, but never made new ones to “replace” them. It’s still that way.
Sorry for the downer, just make sure she makes and then keeps friends.
Well, I want to say that no it doesn’t. In the first grade, I’ve seen them try to work with my daughter and a friend of hers that also made it into the g/t program. They are again in the same class in second grade. You can see the attempts made at challenging the kids that are picking up things quickly (bonus questions, etc.). I want to say that that would be enough for the “only regular gifted” kids.
However, I happen to know that no (now) 3rd graders made it into the g/t program and I know a 3rd grader that “acts” like a high energy, very bright girl that I have heard her parents complain because they get notes saying she’s missing too much school and they don’t think it’s a problem considering she’s getting straight A’s and she doesn’t get hard enough work in class anyway. Of course it’s not polite to discuss such things openly :rolleyes: so I’m guessing that she is one that missed the cut-off.
I don’t think they are either. What I think is that the brighter a child is, the more selective they are with their friends. That’s just my opinion.
I’m not worried about her thinking that she is better than other people because she can think through things quickly. She’s been involved with soccer since she was 4 and she has to work very hard to learn the skills needed to do well. She’s had team mates that were absolute naturals and she knew it. She’s not envious, she does expect more from them though. It’s been easy to use her soccer experiences so that she can understand that people have different talents.
Congrats to all of you on your wonderful kids, and to yourselves for doing so well by them.
A couple of things to add for me - each of your kids is special in one way or another. Don’t put too much weight towards those whose “gifts” are easily measured. For me, my middle child tests off the charts. And thinks really strangely. So he is easily identified as “gifted”. His older sister sometimes is bothered by that. Wants to know why she isn’t in “gifted” classes. Of course, this girl is a straight A student, a very talented flautist/pianist, an incredibly conscientious and hard worker, and was recently selected to particpate in a leadership retreat.
So there are all different ways a kid can be special.
Second point, allow your gifted kid to be “normal”. My son recently asked to drop out of the gifted math classes, to do the regular math instead. He felt that he was missing some of the “basics” all the other kids were learning, while he was instead doing more challenging\creative assignments. I think he also did not relish the extra work involved. And at this point in his life, he wants to be a part of the “regular” class of his peers, instead of someone “different”. What the heck. As long as he isn’t bored. He has his whole life to excel and be happy. No need to push him relentlessly at age 11.
I’m very bright. I test in the top 1%. When I was in school, my mother refused all special education for me, any g/t programs, grade skipping, etc. Her rational was that if you work on being socially accepted, the intelectual stuff will take care of itself.
As a result, I was never taught how to USE my gifts, although as an adult I’ve finally managed to believe that I really am that smart and act accordingly. I’ve never trusted in my talents/gifts. I have a great job in computers using skills I learned from books on my own. I still get panic attacks that my employeer will learn what a “fake” I am and fire me and hire a “real” programmer.
By all means, support your kids intellectually as well as emotionally. The joys of doing something you’re really good at makes being popular a very shallow thing by comparison!!
And, I was NEVER “popular” like she wanted. I was always the “wierd” one. Until I found Mensa in the early 1980s. What a wonderful place. Full of people just like me!! (more of less ) They also have lots of info for gifted kids, too. Check them out: http://www.us.mensa.org
Good luck!! Just recognizing that your kid is smart and that it’s OK to be that way can mean a lot.
MomCat
(Man! That ws really hard to write!! I apologize for putting it so badly!!)
) They also have lots of info for gifted kids, too. Check them out: