My kitten plays fetch!

I have a cat named Kitten. She’s over 2 years old now but she’s a tiny cat . She’s cute, slim and very fast and bouncy. In true kitteny fashion, she is fearless and very playful. She’s also not very cuddly and when she is, it’s on her own terms. She likes short petting sessions because she likes her freedom of movement. When either my wife or I hug and kiss her (which happens several times a day as she is very cute and kitteny) she will loudly protest and claim that she is an adult, independant cat and that this is a violation of her space.

She doesn’t hold it against us though. She’s a very goodhearted kitten. When her mommy cries, Kitten always comes to her and comforts her by making sympathy noises and rubbing her cute kitteny head on mommy’s hands. More often than not, mommy hugs the kitten and feels better. Kitten doesn’t like that and meows disapprovingly. “talk about no good deed left unpunished” she thinks while mommy is suffocating her and drenching her in wet tears. All the same, the next time mommy cries, she comes to her anyways. As I said, she’s a goodhearted kitten.

Kitten doesn’t know cats aren’t supposed to talk so she is constantly chatting with us. With her, it’s always “krrt?” this and “prrt” that. An interrogative “prrt” When you approach her, a warm “prrt” if you touch her, a surprised “krrrt” if you sneak up on her, a brisk "krrrt’ if you say her name, an indignant “prrt” if you snatch her off the ground, a warning “prrrt” when she’s jumping on the bed or a demanding “prrrt” if she wants something.

Kitten often wants something. Because she’s such a transparent kitty, a lot of the time, we know what it is. This led her to believe that we understand her kitteny language. Therefore, she knows that whenever we are not acceding to her simple and reasonable requests and just ignore her pleas for help, we’re just being mean and inconsiderate. A lesser being than Kitten would no doubt hate us and pursue our destruction with intent and dedication. But Kitten is not like that. Kitten keeps on forgiving us and loving us. She’s a saint. She knows it too and she’s let us understand that it’s only fair that we let her conduct her scientific experiments in peace.

Indeed, Kitten is fascinated by the laws of gravity and she’s always measuring how fast objects fall from their shelves or counters. First she selects fragile objects (they are structurally unsound and, therefore, valueless) and then she uses her cute little kitteny paw to push them bit by bit until they go over the edge and fall on the ground. If me or my wife witness any of these experiments, she quickly runs away and hides under the bed. That’s because she knows that , under the heat of the moment, we might mistakenly punish her and feel bad about it later so she gives us a chance to cool down. Five minutes later, she’ll come out as “krrrty” and “prrrty” as ever. Our kitten is very wise.

Now that you have a good picture of Kitten, let me tell you about the game of “fetch”. My wife bought a ¢25 green bouncy ball for Kitten. Our feline companion immediately took to it. This was a valuable tool in her continuing study of gravity (this is not the only area of physics she’s shown interest in, there was also this stint with lasers but that’s a different story). Indeed, through observation of the arcs described by the ball and factoring in the initial height and velocity of said ball, Kitten knew she could glimpse the underlying equations that regulate the ball’s motion. As a true scientist, she set to work immediately!

First, she STRONGLY encourages us to throw the bouncy ball on the floor. I’m pretty sure she’s told us exactly the height , velocity and direction in which we ought to throw the ball. Unfortunatly, as I explained earlier, we do not understand the kitteny language so we just throw it at random. We must have been doing it wrong because as soon as we throw it, the kitten chases it, immobilizes it by any means necessary (and may I add, she’s very cute when she does that) and then puts it in her little mouth and brings it back for another try. My eyes get teary when I think of the infinite patience of the kitten. No matter how many times we screw up our throws, she’ll bring the ball back to us and, without judging us, wait for our next throw. Well…she doesn’t ALWAYS bring the ball back to us. If she feels that we can SEE the ball, she’ll just leave it there and expect us to pick it up ourselves: she is a cat afterall. Nonetheless, I have to proclaim my admiration for her resolve and dedication as a scientist. Kitten is always ready to experiment some more. In fact, she always looks disappointed when we stop assisting her. Sometimes, she’ll continue her experiments on her own, rolling the ball with the help of her paws but you can tell those just aren’t very challenging physics.

And that’s the story of Kitten. When I wrote this at first, I brought her on the keyboard so she could write you a personal message but the keys she hit deleted everything I had typed so far. No doubt she thought that my description didn’t do her justice. She is a demanding kitten. I, on the other hand, am a lazy and cowardly human and I don’t want to risk her deleting my new writings so I’m just going to post this clandestinely.

I’m sure Kitten will forgive me. She is a saint afterall.

PS: if there is popular demand, I will encode and put up a video of Kitten fetching the ball for you all to download and see. Let me know if you’re interested.

I, for one, demand kitten vid.

What? You had to ask? Of course we want Kitteny goodness. Don’t be foolish.

Isn’t it in the FAQs by now that all pet posts require pictures?

Pictures and video, please. STAT.

Why no, we don’t have a good picture. Or any picture. What is wrong with you people who speak of kittens and do not provide pictures, and further torment us by offering to produce video if there’s “popular demand”? What are you, some kind of evil Nazi psychologist trying to mentally torture us???

I say now, post evidence of Kitten now or we’ll march over there and fling the contents of the litter box all over the shag carpet.

Just let Kitten know that:

A) Clandestine posts have been made.
B) No pictures and VIDEO were available.
C) Gozu is now aware of her kitteny plans.

Kitten will take care of her human for us.

(Welcomed his feline overlords 8 years ago)

God help me, I read that title as, “My kitten plays felch!”.

Um, hello?! Like, you need to ask if we’re interested in a video? Pfft.

Well, where is it? :smiley:

i could really use a cute kitty video about now …

Oh good…I thought I was the only one! :smack:

Screw FAQ. It should be a bannable offense to post a kitten thread without including kitten visual accompaniment. Visual kitten accompaniment. Whatever.

And jumped right in with both feet, didn’t y’all?
Pervs. :wink:
I didn’t click the link at first because I simply believed it to be untrue.
A cat fetching?
As a matter of, I will require video evidence and a sworn statement that the creature shown in said video is not a Chihuahua in a cat suit.

Our kitties play fetch with crumpled store receipts… I thought all cats do this.

I have one that plays fetch, and another one that says “prrrt”. Neither do both.

I once provided video proof here on the Dope of my cat playing fetch (and if I can find it again, I will prove it again!) Where’s yours? :stuck_out_tongue:

Whew! I can cover my ass. Here it is.
Jerky, bad quality, but there it is.

This might help hold the masses while you get your video proof ready. :wink:

I am suitably impressed. I would say my cats are humbled but I couldn’t get them to watch it.

Anastasaeon that rocks!

Now what’s keeping Gozu? Banned for posting a kitten thread with no pics, maybe? Make it snappy, Gozu before the mods get wind of this…

Very cool!

That’s so cute, Ana. BTW, I also like that white chair that Kero is sitting on.

Thanks. Gift from my FIL. There’s also a black one in the bedroom. :smiley:
Kero has since migrated to a new cat bed from IKEA. She was sneezing all over the white chair and I had to keep cleaning cat boogies off of it. Ew.