My Kitty Boris Is An Asshole

Well, Boris has about 5 containers of kitty treats. He alerts you that he wants some by hopping up on the desk and swatting the container off of the shelf that the monitor sits on onto the desk below. You give him some treats (you have to sit them in front of him) and he eats them. If he decides he wants more, he swats the contrainer over again (or swats over another one) until he’s had his fill. As you can surmise, kitty treats don’t last too long in the house. We’ve outsmarted him by filling the treat containers up with dry cat food. This move was, as Borat would say, a “great success”.

So yeah, Boris has about three asshole points right now with how he handles this situation. A couple of days ago, I got a few more containers of kitty treats for Boris. They were all sitting next to the monitor along with the original containers. Well, this morning, Boris wanted some treats, dammit. He knocked one container over and I put them (the regular cat food) in a little dish I have on the desk so the food doesn’t roll all over the place. Boris looked at me a second before I picked him up and turned him around so he was facing the food. He nibbled for a second, then turned back around and knocked the treat container over again. He looked at me for a few seconds with contempt in his kitty heart for this stupid biped. I didn’t move or put the container back on the shelf because Boris would just knock it back down. He raised the ante by taking both paws and showing all the containers off the shelf. “Oh yeah, dick? Don’t want to give me treats? Don’t wanna pick the contrainer up? Have fun picking up ALL the containers up! Bwhahahahaha!”

Boris. You are an asshole.

That’s mild compared to what he thinks of you! :stuck_out_tongue:

You shouldn’t call your cat names just because he outsmarted you. That’s just unsporting.

I wonder if he can smell the difference. Clever cat.

And you know the rule about kitty threads!

Well, he does stick his nose in the air and sniff a lot. I don’t know if he can smell the difference or really cares about the difference. He’ll eat food like they’re treats and vice versa. If you food him first thing in the morning, he won’t jump up onto the table. You’ve got to pick him up, then he’ll eat.

Asshole cat.

I would think that a video will satisfy the requirements, assuming it’s a video of Boris knocking over the treats.

I don’t know if I can get him to double-paw shove the containers over again. It’s the first time he’s ever done that today.

He’s got you very well trained :smiley:

I know my place. I’m just a simple biped. I can’t even catch a mouse! That’s how useless I am!

Boris, on the other hand…

Next time you are in the kitchen and Boris is there with you, knock you food off the counter and stare at him until he fixes you dinner. That will teach him.

You are so pussy whipped.

One of our cats, Dutchess, has found a way to help herself to the little tins of cat treats (the ones with the plastic pop-top lid, anyway). She’ll bat the treat container on to the floor, then proceed to try and hold it down with one paw while she pulls off the lid with her teeth. It’s fun watching her try with the screw-top lid treat containers though. She’ll bat it on to the floor, roll it around a bit, try and bite the lid off, then glare at me with contempt as I giggle at her attempts.

Least Original User Name Ever, I feel for you. I have a female cat who is darn near identical in her demand for treats (she knocks things off the nightstand until she gets them). She crossed the line this weekend, however, when she lept her 20lb frame from the top of the armoir into the center of my wife’s back as she was asleep in bed.

No matter what, we must promise to keep Boris & Lucky apart. The resulting pairing might lead to the most obnoxious and stupid litter of cats the world has ever seen…! :eek:

Of course he’s an asshole. He’s a cat.

I bet within minutes of his being an asshole, you picked him up and nuzzled him or some nonsense like that.

No! There was no nuzzling immediately after the PDA (public display of assholeishness).

He also drags one of the treat containers upstairs to my bedroom. I wake up in the morning most days with a purple treat container sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor. I don’t know how he gets it upstairs, but it can’t be easy.

MaddMaxx, I’ll try your suggestion soon.

Shirley Ujest, it’s not even funny. I’m so beagle whipped and now pussy whipped…gah! Do animals look at me and instantly know that I’m a complete pushover when it comes to animals? Is “sucker” tattooed across my forhead somewhere?

Heh heh, I just wanted to come in and say that it’s very ironic that your cat Boris is an asshole because when I was growing up we had a large grey cat named Boris that was absolutely the best cat I ever had. He never scratched or bit anybody, and was always there to comfort you when you were down. He passed on from feline leukemia back in 1995.

I miss you Boris you son of a bitch :frowning:

Would you like to trade cats? My Boris won’t eat treats. He knows that they are used to bribe him so he runs away when he sees the treat container. He will however, eat plastic of any type, buttons off shirts, dental floss, and of course pennies, necessitating many many trips to the vet. I have had to try to remove all plastic from the house but he still opens the cabinets and finds some. He also knocks my medicine bottles off the shelf and carries them into his room. He is a very strange cat.

Indeed! I’ll stick with asshole Boris instead of antiplastic Boris.

My cat Miss-Miss won’t eat anything but dried cat food from the grocery store and her num-nums. No tuna, no sardines, chicken, beef, NOTHING. But in the morning when I’m having my coffee and cigarett she drives me nuts for her morning treat. (Some kind of dried cat treats my neighbor gives me)
Even then she won’t eat them all, and usually leaves a few for later.
“If the Universe is strange, cats are even stranger”

His room? Did you think we wouldn’t notice that?

You people are being controlled by your pets, you need to be the ones in charge. You shoul,fdsjg kbaskjbfvgmgk mjf…q, 7yyerhfhehjioeiowuawnio sksjjeue
Um … sorry, I have to go now, it’s time to feed the cats.

Least Original User Name Ever: You are the second person I know from Detroit with a cat named Boris.