Which is why I suggested a number additional steps the OP could take in order to get needed information. I even suggested that they consult a feline veterinarian.
On the other hand, yes, it is ultimately the pet owner’s responsibility to make a quality of life determination using the information they have gathered. I’m not sure why that point is opaque.
Thank you, everyone, for your advice and observations. I’ve read all your posts and I’ve definitely got a lot to think about. DPRK, our vets are not quacks. She’s been looked at by several while she was in the hospital, and they showed us the numbers. They are very familiar with cats. I am confident in their expertise.
We brought her home today. They taught me how to do the sub-Q fluids, and even let me practice on her to make sure I could do it. I can do it, and she seemed to tolerate it well with little extra discomfort. We’ve also got a liquid antibiotic she’s supposed to be on for four weeks, a powder she’s supposed to get in her food, and we’re supposed to give her a quarter pill of Pepcid AD to help with her reluctance to eat. We’ve also got a prescription for a hormone that’s supposed to help stimulate red blood cell production (taking over from the one that’s low because her kidneys are bad). We got the liquid into her tonight and we have a pill popper to get the pill in, but if she won’t eat I’m not sure how we’re supposed to give her the powder.
I…just don’t know. The decision isn’t entirely up to me, and my spouse (who adores her, just as I do) wants to keep trying for a while and see if we can get her happy. She’s curled up on his chair in his room now (the only place we can keep the other cats away from her). She’s been pretty quiet since we got her home, and hasn’t eaten anything all day. She doesn’t seem interested. I just don’t know how long we should wait to see if she shows improvement before we make the hard choice. I love this cat dearly, and I don’t want to give up on her, but…I’m realistic, too.
Anyone got any advice for how to get her to eat?
Baby food, plain meat type, chicken and turkey preferably. As has been mentioned, mouth ulcers are common in kidney cats and dry food is mostly bad for them anyway. See if she’ll eat baby food, it’s concentrated nourishment. Give her no-sodium chicken broth to drink, too, see if that helps her keep hydrated. If she won’t eat, that’s a pretty clear sign she’s done, sorry.
Get a can of Hill’s a/d Canine/Feline Prescription Diet (or similar) and an appropriately-sized plastic syringe (without needle). The thixotropic consistency of this product makes it easy to draw up into the syringe. If the cat won’t eat the food on her own, suck up a small amount and gently put it in her mouth so she can swallow it. Repeat several times, and when she doesn’t want any more take a break for a while and continue later.
Once the cat is feeling a little better, she should resume eating on her own.
You might try adding a little hot water to her food to warm it and make it gushier. Feline overlords like that.
I don’t think you want my opinion. Animals are animals and people are people and the two should never be confused. The cat had a job-to provide you with companionship. The cost of it continuing to do that job is exorbitant, so time to get a new cat. The biological trick of big eyes and flat faces make you think it’s a baby, but that’s just a trick. It’s really not. It’s a highly efficient predator who has evolved to mimic human infants in order to perpetuate its genes. That doesn’t mean we can’t get attached, but it’s always wise to remember that it’s a quid pro quo arrangement and that when the cost of maintaining that arrangement gets too high, it’s time to end it and get a cheaper companion. In my life, I’ve had dozens of cats and dogs. A couple I’ve had to put down myself and it’s not fun, but there’s a reality that most pet lives are shorter than our lives and throwing thousands of dollars down the hole to get another six months just isn’t worth it.
In your case, the average cat lifespan is slightly more than 15 years. So pretending that there is a complete cure, you’ve got two more years you can expect out of her. So, what’s the cost of the treatment and are you willing to pay that much for two more years? For me, I think I’d go as high as a grand for a 13 year old cat if there was a reasonable chance of a cure and I was particularly fond of the cat, maybe a bit more if I were really attached. I have a 14 year old now that has been a really exemplary cat that I would consider going a grand on. At the same time, I can get a shelter cat for 100 bucks that’ll give me a good 12 years, so… I don’t know… probably depends on the severity of the illness. In your shoes? I’m not sure I see a purpose in me turning my life into a cat servant and nurse for the sake of a poor prognosis and a few more months. Animals die and she’s had a good nine innings. Make it quick and painless and move on.
senoy, that’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it, but you’re right–it’s not particularly helpful to me. Our cats are our family, and we treat them as such.
Thanks to everyone else for all the advice. Ultimately, we decided to let her go this morning. She never perked up when we brought her home, and we couldn’t get her to eat more than a couple of licks of baby food. As the day went on, it became clear to us that she was ready to go. We spent the rest of the day holding her, stayed up most of the night (both sitting with her and just unable to sleep) and took her in this morning. We were both with her until the end, and I held her in my arms so the last thing she would know in this life was love.
Yes, it was expensive to give her the shot at improvement, but we’ve got the money and I don’t regret the decision. We both loved that cat, and we’ll miss her terribly, just like we miss the other three we’ve had to take the same journey with over the years.
RIP, Miss Boo, Graciela Aria Bella, our little blue dancer diva. 6/25/05 - 12/20/18. 
Sorry to hear about your loss. As easy as it can be to question everything because of the pain, it sounds like you made a reasonable decision to do what she needed from you most. I’m glad you, your wife, and Miss Boo got a chance to get some closure together. I missed that thanks to being mobilized out of state when Erwin gave up his fight.
Take care of yourself and your wife as you both grieve.
I’m sorry for your loss but I think you did the right thing, if that helps at all. I had to come to terms with how to let a beloved pet go and I’ve decided the best thing for me is to not wait as long as I did with some, preferring to accept the inevitable and let them go when there’s still some joy in life for them. I find it makes for better memories. Yeah, maybe I could eke them along a few more days but I’ve decided the cost isn’t worth it, not for me or for them.
I hope that when the time is right another lovely kitteh comes to claim you. In the meantime, here’s my heartfelt wish that Grace find the Summerland to her liking, with many slow and silly mousies to chase and laps to warm until her favorite ones come to join her. Blessed be.
We lost Creamsicle on June 21st. I know how you are feeling. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you made the right decision.
We made the wrong one with our last cat. His last hours (at night) were really awful. I wish we had taken him to the vet that day.
… yet I feel compelled to drop this 374 word turd explaining why your feelings are irrational.
Merry Christmas!
I’m so sorry, infovore. I had a “kidney cat” — my vet’s term — myself, and struggled to keep him going for a couple of years before he succumbed to another health problem.
Please don’t give yourself a hard time. Those little furry people have a shorter shelf life than we do, and we have the ultimate responsibility to decide when it’s time.
“Death, where is thy sting?” It’s with us, who are left behind. And in the case of pets, the ones who had to make the final call.
Mod Hat On
Yes, the OP asked for suggestions.
But there are ways to give a possibly unpopular opinion with some sensitivity and humanity, especially when the OP is hurting and the topic is upsetting.
What you did was not it. Seriously.
No warning issued, but I strongly urge you to consider why you needed to be so callus in your post, and perhaps give it thought if you’re looking to post in a similar situation.
(((((Infovore and family)))))
All of you, including Graciela, did the best you could. It’s really obvious to me that you loved her a lot, and her footprints will be on your hearts furever.
My condolences and thoughts are with you. Losing a pet is so hard. {{{hugs}}}
Ugh I just stopped in to share the experience of my cat in kidney failure, but just read that she passed. So sorry for your loss Infovore.
Just as it is our responsibility, out of love, to give our furry loved ones a good life, so it is our hard task to give them a good death. The first is a joy and the second an agony, but we owe them that much, for they give us their whole hearts.
I’m so sorry,** Infovore**. Sometimes it is just time and you’re certainly the best judge of that.
FWIW, when/if you’re ready for another kitty, your vets sound wonderful.
Thanks - there are some good vets around here, and I’m happy for that.
No more new kitties for a while, though. We still have four of the little beasties, and we love them all dearly.