1602,
I should preface this I’m-sure-unusual note by pointing out (redundantly, now, I suppose) that I am aware of how unusual this note will be. The unusualness stems primarily from the fact that this is neither a complaint nor a request, those being the usual motivations for letters semi-anonymously slipped under a neighbor’s door. It is, instead, a notification.
The purpose of this notification is to inform you (again with the redundant prose!) that, unless I’m mistaken – and if I am, I apologize and suggest you disregard this note, or submit it to the humorous blog of your choosing – there has been some kind of repeated drumming noise coming from your apartment for the past few days. Before your arms are thrown skyward in exasperation at the nosy intrusion of a crotchety neighbor, remember please that this is not a complaint. I’m aware that some noise bleed-through is commonplace in apartment buildings. My interest in the noise is not in its existence, but in its properties.
If I recall correctly, the noise started around Friday and has continued through to today. It is a very specific drum-beating pattern that has repeated almost predictably at a specific rhythm throughout these few days, and seems to occur without concern for time of day (be it noon or 2 AM). Herein lies my interest.
I’m a fairly creative and rational person, and I cannot summon from the depths of my imagination an origin for such a noise that doesn’t cross a line into the absurd. If it were a non-discrete assortment of bass notes I would simply assume you were enjoying some music and continue with my life, but it’s not. It’s the exact same drumming pattern continuing on an endless loop. If you were practicing some type of musical instrument, the noise would be more distinct. Perhaps, I’ve considered, you are stuck on a particularly difficult level of a video game, and what I’m hearing is that level’s background music. If the noise hadn’t been going on for days and days now, I might even go with that, but I don’t think anybody could have that much trouble with a video game.
To my awkward dismay, the only semi-realistic explanation that I can think of for this sound repetition is that you’ve started watching a DVD and died sometime before the end of it, and what I’ve been hearing is the DVD’s menu screen’s background music repeating. Try to imagine the perplexity of a situation where the most logical explanation for some occurrence is that somebody is dead, sitting there undiscovered on his or her living room sofa. It is a strange mental space to be in, idly wondering if my upstairs-neighbor has died while watching a movie, and even more rousingly, wondering which movie was their last earthly experience. From the sound, I might have to guess it’s the 2002 film Drumline. Not the note I would want to leave this planet on, to be honest, but I can think of worse films.
So, if you are indeed alive and reading this (and if you aren’t, I offer my condolences to whichever of your friends or relatives have just found your body and are reading this now), this letter serves as notice that I, your downstairs neighbor, have semi-legitimate concerns about your status as a member of the living because of the repeating noises coming from your apartment, and that this has spurred in me a small existential episode.
Best of health,
1502