I am writing to vent my intelligently designed spleen over the recent news that the Godless heathens who call themselves the National Academy of Sciences have published a booklet, “Science, Evolution and Creationism”, which calls into question God’s final, unchanging truth of Intelligent Design Creationism.
We must end the monopoly that truth and facts hold in our public schools. Deception and falsehood have their place, too, surely. How else are children going to learn the value of Holy Lies if we do not force them down their innocent young throats? It is part of God’s great Plan for His children.
All right-thinking people share my strong doubts about the very idea of teaching the sinful notions of reason, logic, and empirical evidence in our public schools. Beyond Genesis (and who needs more?), the facts that our great State keeps losing manufacturing jobs, does not have fine, upstanding, Christian Republicans like Dick DeVos to govern us, and even allows men to kiss each other, are more than ample proof that evolution is false.
As Edward Tillich of the famed Onion News-Paper writes: “Should we allow our citizens to become aware of facts which go against their chosen beliefs, it would cause untold turmoil and strife among our people!” We must avoid that fate at all costs, and if that includes surrendering truth, facts, and intellectual honesty, it is a small price to pay for staying Right with God.
ambushed
(God may not be mocked, as the Bible has it, but Creationists are sure as hell giving it a go anyway.)
Sarcasm and mockery are rarely a good strategy in these matters. Watch the PBS show on the Dover Case and see how straight factual rebuttals work so much better.
Also, your signature about Allen Iverson is wrong.
Sledgehammer-obvious sarcasm is annoying by itself; combine that with quoting somebody else’s satirical work (with which the audience for your letter is probably unfamiliar) and you can expect to enlighten no one, annoy almost everyone, and possibly taint your own cause. Don’t send this particular letter.
On the plus side: “vent my intelligently-designed spleen” is kind of clever.
Oh, wait. That was supposed to be sarcasm? It doesn’t read that way. As has been proven many, many, MANY times on this very message board, sarcasm never makes it through the pixels. How many times has some otherwise innocuous GD or GQ thread ended in tears and warnings because someone posted something intended as sarcasm or irony, which someone else unfortunately failed to interpret as sarcasm or irony?
The sarcasm doesn’t come through; what DOES come through, loud and clear, is yet another extreme right-wing religious nutcase All Scientists Are The Tools Of Satan And Must Be Destroyed letter-to-the-editor rant.
It’s only sledgehammer-obvious sarcasm to the sort of people who would “get” the Onion reference, which lets out about 99% of newspaper-reading Americans.
ETA: I see you’ve gotten responses from two people who “got it”. What you’re not seeing is the small army of folks who read it, said, “Damn, that guy’s good! And he’s absolutely on the money about faggots kissing each other, too!” and then turned to the Sports section.
Sarcasm (well, good sarcasm) is a lot more than putting out a bunch of strawman arguments. Sorry, ambushed, but I’d be embarrassed to be on the same side of the debate as someone who argued thusly.
The problem I have with your letter is that only the ones who already get it are going to get it.
Education in the schools has always been based on science, not on faith or opinion. That’s the only tack to take in regard to this issue, IMO.
Remember, these people are idiots or they wouldn’t disbelieve evolution. This is not the only issue about which they have their heads where the sun don’t shine. If they understand anything at all, it will be a basic concept using very small words. A concept like “science, not belief.”
It reminds me of the time when I worked in an office that was targeted by visiting Moonies. All the conversation in the world wouldn’t get rid of them. The only thing that worked was to look them in the eye and say “Turn around and leave.”
This is the approach we have to take with the IDers, if we choose to take any approach at all. I personally think they are just annoying, like mosquitos.
Not sure which publication you’ve written this for. Most papers that print letters to the editor ask that you stick to the facts, avoid personal insults, and try to highlight factors abou the issue not already brought into the debate. I suppose if the readership of your chosen outlet is small and um, “intellectual” enough, it’ll go over big. Of course, with that crowd you’d be preachin’ to the choir, anyway.
If you’re writing for a general readership publication, the tone will confuse some and piss off others. If your intention is to sway people, I think it would go down in flames: zero converts.
“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public” as Mencken more or less said. During a period of turmoil in our school district, I wrote a satirical piece for the paper advocating that the way to improve test scores was to lay off the bottom 10% of students. Higher scores, less crowding, all good. I called it “A Modest Proposal for our Schools” but the headline writer, an illiterate, renamed it. I discovered that about half the people thought I was serious. (And no one objected )
Unless you have a reputation for satire, it won’t work. You might get some creationists thanking you, though.
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