Ouch! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I just want to add a slightly different perspective.
My grandfather’s step-brother was 72 years old when he married his second wife who was 28 (he was a widower). They had a lovely son together, and J. made it to J. Jr’s high school grad and died just shy of his 90th birthday. He and S. were very happy the whole 19 years they were married. I think she would have loved it if he could have lived longer, but accepted that he had a good run. So, a large age disparity does not mean that your marriage cannot be a success, and does not mean that you can’t have a baby.
However, every time I saw J. and S. together they were holding hands. Smiling at each other. Being warm and generous to each other. I think that really has to be the minimum of any relationship. I’ve been in situations observing other couples who are cold, or uninvolved, or downright hostile and it’s very sad to watch. That being said, not every man (or woman) is an effusive, eloquent poet. Your husband may be trying to express to you how much you mean to him in a way that you’re not recognizing.
Another couple I know dated on and off for years before they finally got married. The ‘off’ portions were always because she was upset with him for not communicating well. She would complain to me about how her ex was so much more talkative and poetic, and would tell her she was beautiful and wonderful, whereas D. just really wasn’t much of a talker. I told her to go and look through all of D’s. photo albums (he’s an amateur photographer). 90% of the pictures in those albums were of her, and in every single one she looked beautiful. Even in the nasty camping shots when she hadn’t had a shower in 4 days, had been sleeping in a tent and eating Alphagetti out of a can, she still looked beautiful. So, D. WAS communicating to S. about his love for her, but he was doing it in a way that she didn’t recognize until it was pointed out to her. (They’ve been very happily married for 10 years now). Before you totally write your husband off, look around carefully - it’s possible that he’s trying to tell you how important and special you are to him - just not in a way that you’re seeing right now.
Anyhow, it’s very tough where you are. You certainly deserve to feel loved and cherished every day. You certainly deserve to have a baby, and as you mentioned, many, many women in their 40s have healthy, happy babies (I know about 8 personally). And you certainly deserve to go through life feeling as though your husband thinks that you’re the best person in the whole world.
Finally, don’t stay with your husband only because you want a baby and you’re afraid if you leave him you won’t meet another man in time. Babies are a funny thing - you can have them in more than one way and even if you don’t push one out of your body, an adopted baby would appreciate your love and caring just as much as a biological one.
I hope your nap will give you some clarity.