Great Caesar’s ghost, it’s like a monster truck rally:
THIS SUNDAY
SUNDAY!
SUNDAY!
JESUS ATTACKS AT ARMAGEDDON!
This Sunday only!
It’s payback time
It’s payback time
Why does that make me think of angry impotent assholes masturbating in their bedrooms?
Quite the Christian Virtue.
But if they’re impotent, how do they…
They can’t. That’s why they’re so angry.
[Strong Bad] This
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SOMEDAY!
Axesome Cross '03!
Watch as James walks on water over Judas eating the true cross covered in syrup!
Watch as J.K. Rowling is tied to a stake surrounded by her books. And then! You’ll just have to be there.
And the main event! Jesus versus the Antichrist (He’s got the heart of a liar and the wings of a bat. They call him the Pope!)!
Admission is just 10% of your weekly income. Jews and Muslims are not allowed without a bucket of chicken for me!
Axesome Cross ‘03: Its’ payback time.[/sb]
I’ll write the story for the Jesus vs. Harry Potter thing if someone wants to draw it. I have some choice bits already.
Harry: My magic doesn’t work! Aww man!
Damien: That’s right! Your demonic magic doesn’t work against the Lord’s Chosen!
SomeNarrator: These evil, pagan books are authored by Satan himself!
Satan: (dressed as a proper English lady) I’ll get their little souls with my harmless little book! HAW HAW!
You notice the poor dog is lost?
I guess it’s because God hates fangs.
You know the domain www.godhatesfangs.com is available!
Personally, I like where Bob says that the saints will be beheaded. Uh, don’t most, if not all, protestant churches believe that the 12 disciples were saints? So this means, not only did you get the shit kicked out of you when you were alive and workin’ for the Big J & G, but in Heaven, you can expect someone to show up and slice your head off! Man, workin’ fer God’s a bitch!
Reworking an old joke:
Gomer is in the back seat of the car with his girlfriend, Lou Ann.
Gomer: Lou Ann, can I march the armies of Magog against the Israelites?
Lou Ann: Why shoah, Gomah.
Gomer: All raht.
Lou Ann: But Gomah, that’s not Israel.
Gomer: Sue-praz, sue-praz, sue-praz, that’s not Megiddo.
That pun was an abomination in the eyes of God.
Well, it should be…
Yah, true, but the retirement plan is excellent!
How can the Beast be the Pope? I thought the beast had seven heads and ten horns and stuff?
Is Jack Chick mentally ill, d’you think? His comics are getting more and more apocalyptic.
I think Jack is nearing the end and as he sees that final curtain he is piling on the end of the world rant. If I gotta die The whole worlds gotta go too. Soon he’ll meet the big faceless guy on the toilet in the sky and say,
Chick: I’m in the book right?
God: Book? What book?
Chick: The Book of life!
GOD: Sorry buddy your dead you can’t be in any book of life if your dead.
CHICK: I mean I get into heaven for my faith right?
GOD: Who are you?
CHICK: Don’t you know? Aren’t you God?
GOD: Yeah, but I’ve been too busy to pay attention to everything… I mean I have the whole… you know everything to watch. It’s pretty Big!
CHICK: I wrote Tracts to covert…
GOD: Tracts? Waita minute you’re that Jack Trick guy!
CHICK: Uh Chick, Lord.
GOD: Don’t correct your God!
CHICK: Sorry God.
GOD: So you’re the crappy comic guy…HAW HAW HAW!
CHICK: What is so funny?
GOD: I gave you talent in used washer sales but you wasted your time trying to draw and write stories… didn’t you realize that you completely sucked? I mean some people give up and find their true calling in life… but you… man! I’ve never seen anyone with so little talent keep going… well maybe that Keanu reeves kid… but you sure rank down there… hack wise.
CHICK: Used Washers?
GOD: Oh well you wasted a perfectly good life. Seeing as I am God I can forgive that… actually I can forgive a lot, but boy oh boy you really racked up the strikes.
CHICK: the strikes?
GOD: You know against you for doing things that art naughty in my sight. You attacked others in my name!
CHICK: But it says so in the Bible…
GOD: The bible? Not that thing again… Jesus how many times have I heard that book used as defence for being a total ass head?
JESUS: 2.8 billion and counting.
GOD: I’m tired of this… Ok you need to be taught a lesson… back to earth you go as a Lesbian Catholic… Perhaps you might be a better person if you try to focus on your own problems instead of attacking others. If you are real good you and help others, when you die next time you might get into the Casino…
CHICK:
That’s pretty close to a Chick parody I once saw-God sends Jack Chick back as a Hispanic Catholic Lesbian.
I didn’t know he had it out for the Hispanics too?