Whining may be defined as “childish complaining to no purpose.” There are two kinds of whining. Whining about things you can’t change, and whining about things you can.
Either you are complaining in a childish voice about something you can’t change, in which case you should just be quiet, or you are complaining in a childish voice about something you CAN change, in which case you should get off your butt and do something about it.
Here’s an example of whining about things you can’t change, courtesy of La Principessa, age 10: “It’s not fair!”
My response: “Tough toenails.”
Want more? Okay. How about, “Why CAN’T we go to McDonalds?”
My response: “Because I said so.”
How about:
She: “This homework is too hard!”
Me: “I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect fourth graders to do long division for homework. Homework has to be done. Tough toenails”
Here’s an example of whining about things you can change, also courtesy of Madame: “I’m bored.”
My response? “Find something to do. Then you won’t be bored anymore.”
She: “I can’t think of anything.”
Me: [I suggest several things]
She (whining): “I don’t wanna do any of those.”
Me: “Fine. Be bored.”
Want more? Okay. How about, “I don’t have anybody to play with.”
My response? “Where are Andi and Amber (not to mention Chelsea and Christina and Taylor and Paige) today?”
She: “I dunno.”
Me: “Call up one of them, or go knock on their door.”
She (whining): “I don’t want to.”
Me: “Why not?”
She: [a long confusing whine about how some of them don’t like each other, none of which is relevant to the question, and actually all it boils down to is the fact that she enjoys the feeling of power she gets when THEY call HER, or ring HER doorbell. Also, she doesn’t like being the supplicant, and risking rejection.]
Me: “Well, if you can’t figure it out, then don’t complain that you don’t have anybody to play with.”
When my daughter whines at me, I tell her, “Okay, now, that noise coming out of your mouth is whining. Stop it, or else go upstairs/outside/sit in the way-back with Bonzo and the dog and the four thousand Beast Wars Transformers.”
With you, Wanderer, I don’t have the option of making you sit in the way-back with Chee-tor and Optimus Optimal and Daisy the Beagle. But I do have the option of not opening any more of your threads. Yeah, you’re right, you’re getting a reputation of being a whiner. So–cut it out, okay? Here’s how it works.
Whining is not the same thing as a rant or a bitch or a complaint. A rant is full of fury. Bitching is full of anger. Complaining is when you expect something to change. But complaining changes to whining when (a) you do it all the time, and (b) it’s done in a measly, weasely tone of voice.
This is a rant: “My life sucks!”
This is a bitch: “God, my life is horrible!”
This is whining: “My life isn’t what I intended.”
If you’re gonna complain, then for heaven’s sake, do it right! Rant and rave and stomp your feet, like King Lear raging at the heavens. “Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks!” But here’s King Lear whining: “Sharper than a serpent’s tooth is an ungrateful child…”
The trick to stopping the bad habit of whining is, simply, to shut up. Zip the lip. Put a sock in it. If you can’t think of something furious to say, don’t say anything at all.
And if you want to complain about something, your feet or your head or your lack of a girlfriend or whatever, then make it a solid complaint, or a bitch, or a rant. Not a whine. Don’t tell us your life is merely miserable–tell us your life sucks, and say it like you mean it. I know you can do it.
