This doesn’t seem like a big deal but its bothering me, and at the risk of sounding whiny I’m going to post it.
I want to get my lip pierced, I can’t explain why but I really do. My mother isn’t too keen on the idea but shes willing to let me get it done if my father agrees. But he won’t. I can understand, I suppose, that hes worried about my health and things. My mother told me about when my parents went to get my ears pierced when I was little. There was a little girl who was in line in front of us. She was all excited about gettting her ears pierced, but when they did she started crying and crying. When my father saw that he ran away from the place with me and my mother had to go chasing after him. So I get that he just cares about me but I’ve had my ears pierced at least seven times since then (cos the holes kept closing) and he took me to get my nose pierced. There is the risk of infection, but I’m good with that sort of thing. I know he also just doesn’t like the way it looks. We’ve been fighting a lot as a result of this and we usually don’t fight very much.
Well, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Well, since this is the BBQ Pit, I’m going to go out on a limb and say … shut up and just do what your dad says. When you turn 18 and move out on your own, then you can pierce any part of your body you want. Besides, why go for this stupid piercing thing anyway, with all of its inconveniences such as the possibility of catching on things and of course infections? Go for a nice tasteful tattoo, I say. You can still annoy your parents and it is much more hygienic.
You’re probably right Ponder Stibbons. Except for the tattoo bit
Another thing, Isper, is that when you are old enough to do it, your attitudes might change. I’m not saying you’ll suddenly decide you won’t want a piercing in this case, but you might have a more moderate/practical stance on it than when you were younger.
There were many things that my parents did allow me to do/get. When I was old enough these things myself, I realized how overrated they were- my desire for them was impulsive and kind of strongly motivated by my parents opposition to it. But when nobod was stopping me from getting it, and nobody cared for better or worse when I had it, I kind of thought back and said to myself, “what was the point?”
Do people with pierced lips whistle when they breathe?
'course, the advantage of a piercing over a tat is that you can change your mind if you want. Just make sure the place is legit - ask for recommendations from other pierced people.
Maybe a tongue ring, you can hide that from your parents with careful manouvering.
ISPER , when you are old enough to get your own place, your perspective might change. Fads come an go but your body (to you) is forever. Remember the Spice Girls? How many people are about these days shamefully covering a Spice tattoo or paying to have it covered over? Brittany Spears came and went. Marilyn Manson came and went. (Tattoo artists sure got rich off that ugly bastard, both adding & covering over)
Tattoos as well as piercings WILL go out of style. But scars are forever girl.
So, you are recommending decorative scarification?
(duck and run)
I’m gonna go on a limb and tell Ponder to shut up. Oh, that’s right, this is the Pit, he should shut the fuck up.
I agree with him that you should probably hold off on the nose ring until you’re 18 and out of your Dad’s power if it bugs him so much, but feel free to vent about it. A lot of things that seem unjust later turn out to be not so unjust with age, but you know what – some of them turn out to have been unjust, period.
Jerks telling you that you can’t even complain about something you feel is unjust is one of those unjust things that stays unjust forever. Vent away, Ponder doesn’t have any power to stop you anyway.
Calm down, Evil Captor. I think you’re overreacting. I don’t think Ponder was implying that Isper could not rant about it here – just suggesting (in a pit-friendly fashion) that she/he stop arguing about it at home and contributing to domestic strife.
And for the record, I agree with Dad. Seems like the risk of a lip ring outweighs the aesthetic benefits by a lot. Just the thought of snagging one on something leaves me very, very thoughtful.
If it’s causing fights, maybe it’s not worth it. Looking back at the fights my hairstyles caused, I’d have rather not bothered and kept the peace. There were other ways to assert my independance and express myself that would have caused less trouble and been just as effective.
How about a compromise? Maybe a fake ring till he gets used to the idea. Just don’t get one that makes you look like you’ve got a booger stuck on ya!
I don’t think the posters have read the OP properly.
She wants a lip ring, has had her ears pierced many times because they keep closing up and already has a nose piercing.
Isn’t ears and nose enough already?
I try to be open about this body piercing phenomena, but I really think that many facial piercings look just plain yucky. It’s like people get addicted to piercing themselves, instead of stopping at one or two. It’s usually either about being one of the group and getting the same piercings as them, or trying to look different, to shock others and draw attention to yourself. Can’t you do either of these in a less gruesome way?
Personally, I say let it go for now. He already let you get your ears AND your nose done. How old are you, by the way?
Simple.
Whose roof do you live under?
If it’s your parents, you do what they say. End of story.
If it’s your own, knock your fucking socks off, but don’t expect anyone to bail you out down the line if you’ve made stupid choices your support system doesn’t agree with. (And before anyone gets their panties in a wad I’m not talking about kids, pregnancy, marriage or anything else along those lines - I’m talking about idiotic teenage behavior and acting out - and yes, I consider this kind of crap acting out. Crucify me - go ahead. My kid does something like this? Watch over Palatine folks, cause the fur is gonna FLY!)
You wanna make adult decisions, you wanna live an adult life, behave like one. End of story. And support your fucking self. If you have to ask parental permission for something you want to do and they’re against it - whoa - duh - BAD IDEA! They pay the bills, you toe the line. END OF STORY.
Like I said, simple.
What’s with the angst? You have a choice to make, make it. You want to be a grownup? Act like one.
And by the way, I apologize in advance for my strict stance on this - I have a stepson who is in his 20’s - and I’m going through hell with it. As is my new marriage.
Yeah, I know, it’s ALL MY FAULT that I expect a 24 year old to act like an adult. I suck.
It will be significantly hard on your teeth. Prepare for escalated dental bills.
Just curious, but what are you basing this statement on? Tattoos are one of the oldest form of human self adornment. Remember the Iceman? His body was about 5300 years old when it was discovered in 1991 and was adorned with numerous, simple tattoos. 5300 years is showing some serious staying power. And scars are usually permanent and probably why scarification is growing more common.
Okay.
I agree that you should not pierce your lip while your father disagrees with it. Not because of the absolutist position that some other people are taking (I pierced my ears while my parents were opposed thereto - they coped) but because you want to choose which hill to die on.
The fact that you’ve already got a great many piercings suggests that your parents are, if not flexible, at least not totally rigid. I would suggest being as the water which wears the stone not by force but by constant dripping. (pretentious much, matt?) Don’t nag your dad about it, but maybe when he’s in a reasonable mood, try discussing it again.
If he resists, don’t let him rile you into a fight. Stay pleasant and quite factual. Don’t make absolutist arguments - “It’s my body, dammit!”, while IMHO quite a defensible position, is unlikely to get you what you want. If it doesn’t work, wait a decent interval - maybe a month - before trying again. Maybe while having some kind of father-daughter moment (though I wouldn’t recommend obvious buttering-up).
A reasonable parent may come to see your point of view on this. As a kid, I tried to save my pitched battles for things that I saw as major injustices and inconsistencies (“You do NOT get to tell me I can stay out as long as I want provided I call, and then try to guilt-trip me into not doing it!”; “I’m not rude to your friends, don’t be rude to mine!”; “Don’t you dare raise your hand to me! Get away from me!”) rather than simple arbitrariness. Piercing falls under the latter category.
Best of luck. Remember to get a reputable salon and take care of that thing once you’ve got it. And if you don’t like it in the end, be graceful and take it out.
And just to make it clear - stop fighting with him over this, and don’t respond if he wants to continue the battle. In future negotiations, if he is digging in his heels, let it go until he’s feeling more pliant. Be patient.
You said you don’t often fight with him, and that’s a good record to keep - the relationship is too easy to poison, and it sounds like your dad is affable at the best of times. Sometimes you need to stand your ground, but a piercing is not a good reason to do so.
(To clarify my comment above, even though my parents said I shouldn’t pierce my ears, they weren’t very serious about it, and more or less laughed it off after I did that. The only side effect was that Mom can never remember that my right ear is pierced and is always saying, “Is that new?”
If they had been assholes about it I might have done it even if they had been seriously opposed - there were a few sexual orientation issues associated with it, which could have blown up, but didn’t - but as it was, if they had dug in their heels in a more or less arbitrary way I probably would have let it go.)
It took me a long time to reconcile with my dad because he kept taking out on me the honest difficulty he was having with bringing me and my brother up. (Not discipline issues - I was a decently well-behaved kid - just an unusual one.) I’m just fortunate I reconciled with him early enough to enjoy our relationship before he became ill and died last month. Keep this in mind and remember what hills you wish to die on.
It’s funny because he’s trying to prevent you from looking stupid. Oh, you already have a nose piercing? Never mind!
At the risk of sounding like an ass (crowd: RISK IT!), how come the holes in your ears closed up seven times? Did you not take care of the piercing? If that’s the case, maybe your dad is right.
Okay that’s the end of my mean part. Wish you all the luck in getting your lip pierced, and remember to follow the aftercare instructions.
Ciao
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