You asked for a Christmas list, so we gave you one. Knowing your propensity for buying from the Wal-Mart “gift” aisle, we made sure that everything on our list was something useful that you could buy from said store. For your son, the man you birthed 29 years ago, we listed “manly” gifts like tools, so there’d be a snowball’s chance in Texas of actually getting them. And to minimize the risk of getting any more Big Mouth Billy Bass. Do you know how long the Wal-Mart returns lines are after Christmas? We do, because we return almost everything you buy.
So what am I supposed to make of your email in which you ask if he’d like a gun rack? We live in the city, and not just any city. We live in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex. This is a city of millions of people. The only gun we have is a tiny .22 pistol for home defense. You know that. You know he hasn’t hunted since leaving Arkansas. And you found one with deer on it?! He has never, and I mean never, indicated to you in any way, shape or form that he likes deer. Oh, and he didn’t like the gun rack you bought him a few years ago with mallard ducks on it either. I did something I normally don’t do and let him know what you intended to buy. He told me he’d probably break it up and burn it for firewood if you got it for him.
So I politely tell you that he doesn’t own any guns that would warrant a gun rack. You tell me that his grandfather is thinking of buying him a rifle, so you’d wait until he had enough guns. WTF? What part of “We live in the city” are you confused about? What good would a rifle do us? It’s a terrible home defense weapon. We live only a few miles from downtown. If we drive only one mile north, we can see the skyline. Your son does not hunt any more. Only a few people in the city find it worth the trouble to do so.
Please, I hope you heeded my oh-so-polite response to not let your father waste his money on a rifle. Rifles are expensive. If your father bought everything on his list, it would still be less than the one rifle. If he insists on buying a gun, a shotgun or pistol would be much better. At least we can use it in the case of a break-in.
But please get this through your skull: your son likes living in the city. He is not a country person like you are. I know you’ll never believe it, but he’s not just living here because more jobs are available. He–We–absolutely love living in the city. Hell, he’d move to NYC if it wasn’t so damn expensive. He is not going to suddenly move back to Arkansas. He doesn’t like the state, and I positively loathe it.
Some people are just gift-purchasing-challenged, that’s all. The more fortunate ones realize this early in life and stick to gift certificates.
Tell her, politely but forcefully, that what her son really wants is a gift certificate to the chain bookstore of your choice. And when she presents you with a gun rack anyway, return it to her (not to the store), politely but forcefully, saying, “Mom, we’re really sorry you spent your good money on this, but we can’t use it. You kept the receipt, didn’t you?” She won’t do it again, I guarantee.
My MIL just emailed me and told me that his grandfather really wants to replace the rifle he lost in the house fire they had about ten years ago. He’s hoping that my hubby will want to go to AR to hunt with him.
So we may have avoided the gun rack for the moment, but the rifle looks like a definite. Now, how do you tell your grandfather “Thanks, but no thanks?” ::sigh::
So, anyone know what the laws are regarding returning weapons?
You could wait for some police amnesty program and turn it in and get something cool in return. Heh heh.
May I rant, too? My parents and sister and brother-in-law and two kids are coming for a 3-4 day visit after Christmas. It’s a big trip, as they live over 700 miles away. My MIL, living just an hour away, apparently feels like it’s expected that they “host” my family for a dinner. Her heart is totally in the right place and that’s very sweet of her, but now it seems that she seems to feel obligated to do even more.
My parents are laid back. They drink and smoke and tell great jokes and their idea of a good time would be to go a game or something. My inlaws do not smoke, barely drink, and have box seats at the symphony. I love both sets of them, and I have no problem shopping at Walmart with my mom and then shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue with my mother-in-law. But they don’t mix well together. I mean, I don’t think it’s not that enjoyable for my parents. I think my inlaws think that because my dad is a college professor and used to be director of an art museum that my parents want to debate intellectual things and discuss art. They don’t. That’s what I adore about them. And I’m sorry, but my 9-yr old niece and 13-yr old nephew are not going to be thrilled to hear that one of their precious few nights hanging out with us will be spent eating a nice dinner on a nice tablecloth in the house of someone they don’t know (my niece and nephew were not at my wedding, so they didn’t ever met my inlaws).
My MIL has been suggesting more things that they could do together, and has been suggesting art exhibits that my parents might want to see. I think I’m going to focus my “no” on the niece/nephew thing, and point out that my parents mostly want to do things that the kids would enjoy. it’s a gentler way, I think, of changing her mind. But the dinner will probably happen regardless. Sigh.
I would just accept it and sell it later (either privately or to a gun dealer). There’s obviously a LOT more going on here then a gift purchase.
If he really never intends to return there and hunt, then there should be no problem. If you end up on a trip there and they ask “Why didn’t you bring the gun so we could hunt?”, have him cite:
Sore shoulder
Forgot the gun
Wouldn’t fit in the car with the luggage
etc, etc.
Some things aren’t work making a big stink over, and this sounds like one of 'em to me.
What a pain in the ass, though.
[slightly off-topic]throatshot, how is your mom doing? [/off topic]
Actually, I’m impressed with all the warm family loviness feelings I’m getting from this Pit Rant.
Cranky, I’m especially impressed with your solutions to your problems. Absolutely the most respectably adult thing I’ve ever heard you type.
I couldn’t do it, but then I can’t stand family.
I have no compunctions about telling them not to get the damn thing or I’ll just get the hell rid of it anyway.
My Mom has been pestering me for months about getting a Christmas list. Always bothering me with “What can you use at the house?” and “What else does the baby need?” and “What kind of just plain stuff do you want?”
When I tell her we’re fine, she complains that surely we must need something.
Two weeks ago I finally broke down when she called while I was drunk. She was bugging me about this crap incessantly, so I told her to buy us an Ice Cream Scoop.
That’s what we need for the house, the baby, my wife and myself that will keep on giving forever. An Iec Cream Scoop.
Much better. I just got off the phone with my sister (we were wondering my our dad hadn’t called today). She’s bored now, which is an excellent sign (though I’m sure she’d tell you otherwise). They still can’t take the ventilator out, so she’s still in ICU. She just hasn’t been able to completely breathe on her own, they think because her diaphragm was hurt, but they have the ventilator down to pushing only two breaths per minute most of the time. She’s doing the rest of the breathing on her own, but very shallowly. She’s hungry, I’m sorry to say. But we have no reason to think she won’t recover 100%.
Thank you so much for asking. When she’s out of ICU, I’ll post to my original thread with an update.
::Hangs head in shame for posting a Pit Rant that ended up like this::
To my mother-in-law: I darn you to heck.
Oh, and here’s the requisite Pit Fuck[sup]tm[/sup]: Fuck.
Whew, I feel better now.
throatshot,
I’m very glad to hear that. I’ve been sending out good thoughts.
An additional response to the OP:
If you are one of those people bugging the shit out of everyone about what to get them for Christmas, make a charitable donation in their name and let them know in a card. Win/win.
