Okay, Y’all have to help me sort my thoughts out with this post, okay, because I don’t have a friggin’ idea where it’s going. I only know I want to say some stuff that I never thought I would say… So try not to get pissed off because I can’t articulate my thoughts, but stay with me and help me sort this thing out: I appreciate it.
I’m 53
I work in the health-care field as a respiratory therapist
I am often mistaken for a doctor (and when I correct the patient, I then become a nurse)
I am a child of the 60’s, and therefore carry the prejudices of a heterosexual from that era
I am heterosexual, and always will be.
But
I’m 53
I work with guys in the health-care field who are gay
I no longer mind the pre-conceived notion from my patients that I might be gay just because I’m a male in health-care.
I am still a child of the 60’s, but somehow I have let go of the prejudices, and find myself strangely flattered when my sexuality is mistaken.
I am heterosexual, and always will be.
What happened?
Trying to find my way through the “wilderness”, here, okay? Forgive my inability to be more articulate. If I said anything wrong, please excuse me and point it out. I really need your help with this if I’m “reading” it wrong.
You grew older. Matured. Changed slightly, absentmindedly discarded the old notions of heterosexual prejudice, and moved on. Nothing wrong with that. And there’s nothing wrong with a heterosexual being flattered by attention from a homosexual – you’re taking it in the spirit it was given and it feels good to be admired.
I’m really not sure what you’re upset about. If I’ve got it right, you’re upset that you’re not upset that people mistake you for a homosexual. In which case, I’d advise that you not be upset that you’re upset that you’re not upset that people mistake you for a homosexual.
Seriously, thank you. If people can change from the prejudices they’ve been patterned with since birth, and not be bothered by stuff like this, then there’s hope.
Stay with the thread, okay? Don’t read anything into it that I did not say! I am not upset! Just wondering why I’m not. It’s okay to question me, and I will try to answer as best I can, but admittedly this is a new feeling for me, and I want to be careful with it.
You are not upset because from your observations of the gay guys who work with you, you concluded that they are better in some way (or at least not worse) than the heteros of the same age and social standing.
This came from actual experience, therefore it has precedence over your innate (?) 60s culture prejudices.
Hence you are not upset, and maybe sometimes are even flattered when patients mistake you for a gay guy.
Quasi, can you further define “strangely flattered”?
You say this is a new feeling, right? Has your perception of people who are gay changed in some way recently? Have you become closer friends with a gay man? Are there more gay men than straight so that it makes you more “one of the gang” kind of thing?
I’ve spent most of my professional life in human services and there is, generally speaking, a greater percentage of people who are gay in the field than in many others. My absolutely best friend for the better part of the 10 years I worked at one particular place, was gay, as were many of our mutual friends, and I know many people assumed we were lovers. She had a live-in lover and for the most part, I was involved with men and eventually married one of the bastards. She and I were never lovers, but I never cared that people thought we were. It was partially because of some ambiguous feelings on my part about my sexuality, but partially because it made me part of the “cool clique” I think.
I’m also in the medical field, a Med Lab Tech. Being 22 most patients think i’m in school to be a doctor or a nurse. I’m also single and for the most part enjoy the lifestyle, that so i’m always getting looks about not having a girlfriend. Most of the time i’m too busy to care. but it does get to me sometimes.
I think the use of the phrase “strangely flattered” has to do with the “newness” of this whole thing for me. In high school (the late 60’s) we mercilessly bashed “sissies” almost on a daily basis.
I include myself because even though I never initiated it, I stood by and let it happen even though deep inside I knew it was wrong and felt bad as hell for the person being bashed. (I myself still had a very heavy German accent at the time and I thought that whatever emphasis was taken off me and placed on someone else was a good thing: I’m not proud of that, but there it is.)
At the risk of sounding like an apologist for myself and others who once felt this way, I have to say that all along that timeline I envied the fact that “they” had more of a grasp of compassion and “nice-ness” than any of us ever had, and that is why I no longer mind if someone considers me effeminate or mistakes for being gay. Yeah, I’m pretty “comfortable” with it, Pix’, I just regret that it took this long to say anything about it.
Again, this is new to me and y’all are going to have help me define it, but I think the best way to say it is to say it really doesn’t matter anymore. Jesus, I feel like I have stammered and stuttered my way through this whole thread! Y’all please excuse me, okay?
n2o : Welcome to the most wonderful dysfunctional family on the internet and thank you for your contribution to this thread!
Instead of wondering why you’re not upset, perhaps you should ask “Why should you be upset when someone mistakes your sexuality?”
I think you’ll find that there is no reason to be upset when it happens. And the answer to your original question is that you’re not upset because there is no reason to be upset.
Jesus, Quasi, you think too much. And I have a friend around our age (older than me and younger than you) who is getting into Respiratory Therapy because he finally realized telecom is bullshit. Do I have to warn him about what people will assume about him or has living in the San Francisco area prepared him for it?
Maybe you realized that all the crap you heard in the 60s was just that…crap. You work with guys that aren’t trying to corner you in the supply closet and work hard at their chosen careers. You realize that the prejudices you grew up with are false and you’re happy about it. Good for you!
Quasi, maybe you just really like these particular men that you work with and don’t mind (nay, enjoy) being associated with them? Maybe there’s a “coolness” factor to being thought a part of a group that’s outside of the mainstream? Maybe you like to be a bit of a “man of mystery”?
There have been occasions where I’ve been assumed to be homosexual, and I think some of these are the reasons that I don’t mind, and are somewhat flattered by it.
Not to mention that it’s always flattering to have someone approach you because they’re attracted to you, regardless of sex.
Morgainelf: Yeah I think you pretty much nailed it, and so did Salem up there in his/her post. I genuinely like them and like working with them. The “Man of Mystery” part doesn’t fit me, though. Maybe just “simple-minded and content to be that way” is better!
She and I were never lovers, but I never cared that people thought we were. It was partially because of some ambiguous feelings on my part about my sexuality, but partially because it made me part of the “cool clique” I think.
