My Mom is a Cat Lady

You know what I’m talking about. She has as many as six cats in the house at a time. They sleep on her bed. There’s cat hair everywhere. She spends way too much money on cat food and kitty litter. When I visit, they jump up on the table when I’m eating, looking for food. And she won’t have them fixed. (One cat just had four kittens of her own.) She lives in Texas and I in Los Angeles. I’m going to visit her in a couple of weeks…

…and I’m VERY allergic to cat hair and dander. I sneeze and cough and my eyes water from both the cats and the dusty kitty litter.

She won’t make the cats move outdoors. “They’re indoor cats. They couldn’t survive outdoors.” She let them inside last winter because of the cold and now they won’t go outside without a fight and yowl and howl when they DO go outside.

Her solution to the problem is that I should take allergy medicine when I see her.

Frankly, that solution makes me feel like her cats are more important to her than I am.

What should I do?

(Geeze, I feel like I’m writing to Ann Landers!)

Easy answer. Take the allergy medicine and enjoy your visit.

But don’t take your dark-colored clothes – the cat hair you’ll be collecting will really show. And don’t leave your suitcases open – cats love to sleep there.

Don’t know what to tell you about meal times though – maybe you could eat out a lot.

I’m surprised your mom’s cats don’t want to go outside. I have two cats – the oldest spent a lot of time outdoors until we found his partner dead in the road. Now we keep him inside, and the younger cat as well. They both try to sneak out whenever someone opens a door, but they’re restricted to an enclosed porch.

I fucking hate cats. I mean I really detest them. What a worthless, godforsaken species.

Sorry. I’m ok now, I really am. Anyway, I say, when you visit her, jst stay in a hotel nearby and when you want to see her, do it outside of the house. Go to dinner, go to friend’s or relative’s houses, etc… That way you don’t have to deal with the cats.

jab, you might not like hearing this, and I hope I don’t offend you, but your mother may be exhibiting signs of a more serious problem than you realize.

“Collecting” is a problem seen fairly often in the cat fancy, especially by rescuers. I wish I had some URL’s I could post for you, but I don’t know if anyone has put this together in a formal way. Several rescuers, prominent breeders and/or judges, and therapists involved in Companion Animal Therapy have posted about this to some of the lists I am on.

“Collectors” are usually middle-aged or elderly ladies living alone. Most are suffering from ‘empty nest’ syndrome - their husbands are dead or gone, the children are all adults and out on their own, and they don’t have any really close friends or compelling outside activities.

At first, the cats are sort of ‘replacement children’, and their is really nothing wrong with that as long as it is kept under control. However, “collectors” continuing accumulating cats until they have too many to feed and care for properly. They generally either won’t or cannot afford to have the cats altered, so have a constantly growing population. They begin allowing the cats to take over their house and their lives, and feel powerless to do anything about it, and guilty for thinking of doing so, because the cats are also innocent creatures for whom they have assumed responsibility.

“Collectors” gradually withdraw from contact with family and friends and eventually become virtually hermits, because their house is a mess, no one really wants to come visit because of the cat problem, and the people who do come visit complain about the cats, which the “collector” absolutely refuses to hear. It sometimes appears that the cats are actually an excuse the “collector” uses to drive other people away. In extreme cases, the house becomes virtually unlivable, most of the cats are sick and/or malnutritioned, and someone eventually contacts the local animal control/humane society and reports the situation. Officials then sweep in, confiscate the cats, maybe fine or otherwise cite the "collector’, and leave.

This is rarely successful, because the problem that originally led to the “collecting” behavior still exists and is often made worse by the removal of the cats. Before long, the “collector” will have started accumulating cats again.

Clinical depression seems to be the root cause of this behavior in the cases that have been evaluated. The situation actually becomes a vicious circle that maintains and exacerbates the depression. The “collector” is lonely and feels unwanted/unneeded (and is probably already clinically depressed). She adopts one or two cats as companions to fill her life, usually neighborhood strays. However, there are lots of strays and removing one or two in a specific area seems to create a vacuum that draws in replacements, which will then also be adopted by the “collector”. More cats means more work, and the depressed person often doesn’t have much motivation to constantly maintain cleanliness (“Well, I’ll worry about cleaning that up later - no one’s going to come see me anyway. I’ll take another nap instead.”)

It doesn’t take long for a pretty big mess to accumulate, and when the “collector” sees how much trouble a major clean-up is going to be, she becomes more depressed. She may occasionally go on ‘clean binges’ and get things straightened out, but when the increased number of cats returns things to the same condition in just a few days, she will usually get so depressed that she will give up cleaning entirely. Things really go downhill from this point. :frowning:

Please don’t take offense at me for posting this - I am NOT implying that your mother is a “crazy cat lady” or something. What I am suggesting is that she is clinically depressed and on the verge of developing a bad situation. If you think I’m totally full of bullshit, blow me off - you know your own mother and her situation, and I don’t. But if the information I’ve posted here rings any alarm bells, please see about getting her some help.

If you would like, I can ask around the cat fancy for more information. Someone might be able to provide a website with a better profile than what I’ve given you, written by professionals, along with suggestions for how to deal with the problem if you think one exists.

Actually, coosa, I have heard of all that and, yeah, I am worried a bit. She does seem to be depressed often and she doesn’t work now or get out much because she’s diabetic. But my two brothers see her practically every day, so she isn’t really alone. And if she doesn’t get many visitors, it’s really because she lives in an isolated, rural area south of Fort Worth.

Trouble is, she also believes that since I’m her son, I have no right to counsel her. Sons aren’t supposed to tell their parents what to do, even if the son is in his 40s.

Y’know, I just might write Dear Abby or Ann Landers. If they answer, I’ll send their reply to her. Maybe she’ll “listen” to them.

As for “collecting,” you could say that about our whole family. We don’t like throwing ANYTHING away!