Interesting question. I don’t know how that stuff works.
Wow! I’m impressed, too!
And now out of a job - when it rains, it pours.
Are you in a position to help them out now and then, by hosting your cousins for a sleepover or trip to a museum or something? Maybe even, Og forbid, getting ALL the kids out of the house on occasion so your parents can have some…ahem…“alone time”?
Stop elbowing me, I’ve got sensitive ribs.
I’m not in a position to borrow the kids. I live in a studio apartment and don’t have that kind of room, plus they don’t know me. It’d be weird. But before they moved in I was talking to my girlfriend about stuff we could do- maybe watching them for a night, or (this is a new plan from yesterday) maybe just bringing everyone a big dinner at home. A friend of mine suggested taking the kids on a trip to the zoo. We’ll have to see about that one.
Sorry for the jab.
My lil sis was a ward of the state until she was legally adopted, so they got assistance. Definitely have your folks check into it. It helps a lot, actually, with things like day-care, doctor’s visits, etc.
Marley23, I am in total awe of your Mom. I’m almost her age and the idea of practically starting over, and with TWO, would be overwhelming to me. You go Marley’sMom!
I learned a couple of weekends ago that my mom is also a Mom. My younger sister was diagnosed with cervical cancer which may prevent her from having her own baby which she really wants; my mom is considering being a surrogate mother for her (at 66, having given birth to five kids already). I don’t know if it’s feasible, but good for her for even considering it. I see people on Judge Judy suing family for $200 and a moldy mattress, and thank God I come from a different kind of people.
Good lord, a surrogate mom at 66? I almost hope that isn’t possible because it sounds like a big health risk, but good on your mother for volunteering.
I asked my mom about the foster care/stipend issue and she says she has the forms for that. She hasn’t got around to doing them yet because it sounds time consuming.
This got bumped over the weekend, but since I visited my family Sunday, I thought I’d update.
The kids have been living with my parents and brothers for almost a month now. The three-year-old is sweet, and he’s being potty-trained, which I bet is a thrill my Mom was just dying to experience again. The six-year-old has some real issues, since he’s had more time to absorb his parents’ crappy qualities. I mentioned this in the last post, but one night recently, my Mom quit reading to him (just for that night) because he was hitting his brother - so he started calmly going into this diatribe about “I know you hate me, I know you’re going to kill me.” I’m glad I wasn’t there. It sounded pretty chilling.
But nothing like that happened during my visit, fortunately. The low point was hearing that at the moment, both my parents are unemployed. What a treat for them at a time like this. (They may start getting some assistance soon, which would cover some expenses.) I think my Mom has some interviews today and I doubt she’ll be out of work for too long. For the most part we had fun: I played tennis with my girlfriend and my youngest brother, who said it’s the best he’s felt on a tennis court since before his operations last year. I was very rusty but I’ll get better if we make a regular thing of it, which we should. A Monty Python routine broke out during dinner, and it concluded with a few of us singing “God Bless America” with all the words changed to “Spam.” With my dad and youngest bro, we gave Older Nephew some baseball lessons. I think he’s starting first grade today, and he sounded jazzed about that.
My parents are being careful not to say anything bad about the parents in front of the Nephews, but when they’re not around, there’s nothing good to say. Their mother lost custody seven weeks ago and has seen the boys only once, back when they were in foster care. She was supposed to visit my family to see them more recently, but didn’t show. She’s addicted to everything and is supposed to go through 18 months of rehab, but hasn’t started. The father got out of jail and violated his restraining order by going to see her, which was no problem for a few days. Eventually they fought again, she called the police and he went back to jail. Someone did bail him out this time, and I’m not sure where he is. I gather he hasn’t seen the kids in a while either.
My brothers are dealing with it. The middle one likes kids, but he’d prefer not to deal with the noise and all the rest of it. The younger one does have a grasp of the situation, he just doesn’t think our family should be the ones who have to put up with it. But there’s nobody else save for strangers, so that’s how it is.
Thanks for the update. Where is everyone sleeping?
My parents put their bed in the garage and are sleeping on the pullout couch in the living room. The kids are in two small beds in the master bedroom. My brothers are sleeping where they normally would, and I’m gladly nowhere near that situation.
I did want to bump this one time because my brother’s health situation and the story of these kids is, unfortunatley, probably coming into conflict. My brother is going to have chemotherapy sometime soon, and we don’t know what it will do to his immune system. Having a six-year-old and a three-year-old around may be risky for him, and if the doctors agree that it would threaten his health, somebody else would have to take the boys. But it looks like nobody else in the family wants to get involved. With their grandmother, I don’t know what the deal is. I don’t think she wants them and nobody would trust her with them. My mom’s younger sister doesn’t sound interested either, although at least she’s on the fence about it. Her reasons are unknown.
If it goes down that way, the county would take the boys again and they would be moved for the third time since late July or early August. I don’t know what that would do to them. You can see they’ve improved some, despite whatever issues they have. My mom commented that their parents probably smoke around them a lot, since they both had persistent coughs for that have only just cleared up. They’re doing a great job with these kids, and the parents just don’t have a clue. It’s hard to imagine them improving. The father is still in jail, waiting to be sentenced, didn’t take the time to do any anger management classes or anything that could have reduced his sentence. The mother is still wherever she is, strung out and not in rehab. My parents might be the best thing that’s happened to these kids, but they won’t have these kids forever. Sooner or later - and right now I guess it definitely looks like sooner - either the parents get them and probably resume whatever damage they were inflicting, or maybe they get moved to another foster family and up feeling unloved and who knows what.
Wow your family is awesome. I hope everything works out!
oh goodness, this is a tough one.
i hope for the best for everyone. your lil-bro, your parents, you and middle bro and the young ones.
may all of you have less interesting times.
Definitely talk to the doctors about this. Different chemotherapy drugs have different effects, and some kinds are harsh on bone marrow/immunity while others aren’t.
Hope things go well for your bro and the kids.
No decisions are being made before we know more about the treatment. But my mom is doing what she can to keep these kids with someone in the family. I was with her Saturday, and it was heartbreaking to see her wrestling with the lack of options, and with the notion that she’d made these kids lives’ more difficult by taking them into her home. That’s not true, but she’s not a person who believes in the notion that sometimes, there’s nothing you can do. She’s been forced to accept that in the last few years, and she really wants it to work with these kids.
Man, that’s rough. I hope a good solution presents itself.
Wow. What a tale - I never read this thread until just now. Kudos to your parents for taking in the youngsters in the first place and showing them what a good home is supposed to be like!
Here’s an idea which may be fulla baloney or otherwise unworkable: any chance your brother could stay at your place during the chemo stint? (I’ve forgotten the logistics of where that will be delivered but it sounds like it would be in / near your hometown). I know that’d be crowded since as you say, it’s a studio apartment, but perhaps it would be an option for the couple of months the chemo goes on?