Last night my mom called me up. While my mom is an incredibly smart woman in a whole lot of ways, it is impossible to talk to her about anything that requires a chain of thoughts strung together in a rational cause-effect fashion (she will always assume that she knows what you want to ask, jump to that, and half the time will be wrong), and we had a rather frustrating (even more frustrating in retrospect) conversation that went something like this:
Mom: Internet Explorer is giving me this error where it doesn’t want me to go to this web page because it says it may be dangerous.
Me: Okay, there’s a reason for that. Don’t go there. Where did you get the web page information from, anyway?
Mom: There was a guy at Staples who said I should get antivirus software.
Me: Did he give you the link?
Mom: So I am trying to get free antivirus software.
Me: You should not do this.
Mom: But my computer is telling me I might have a virus. The computer message says to click here for antivirus software. But would it fix it if I already have a virus?
Me: I don’t know. Some of them do. Um - DO NOT CLICK ON THAT LINK.
Mom: But I can’t get into gmail.
Me: Actually, we were about to eat dinner. Can I call you back?
Mom: Okay, maybe I’ll turn off the computer.
Me: That sounds like an EXCELLENT idea.
So, we eat, and my husband’s parents call as we’re finishing up, so it takes me maybe an hour to call her back.
Mom: So I bought some antivirus software.
Me (a little worried): Uh, from Staples?
Mom: No, online.
Me (more worried): From where?
Mom: From Microsoft, I think. Or maybe Dell.
Me (slightly relieved): Oh, so, like, from the Microsoft web page?
Mom: Uh, no… I clicked on the link. From the computer. But the web page was something else.
Me (not relieved in the slightest): SEND ME THE RECEIPT RIGHT AWAY.
…You can finish it from there. My mom rebooted the computer, and when gmail still didn’t work, clicked on the virus link I expressly told her not to click on (my husband even vouches that I explicitly told her this) and gave her credit card and $70 to spammers on the interwebs for the privilege of infecting her computer with Antivirus Live Platinum malware. AGH AGH GAH. I also feel like I am to blame a little bit because I told her not to get free antivirus software (obviously there’s some stuff, like ZoneAlarm, which isn’t chock full of malware, but you can see why I didn’t trust her to find it) which apparently was her cue to go out and BUY some.
She tends to freak out about stuff, so I was glad that at this information she did not freak out that much, although she was mad about losing her $70. I couldn’t sleep last night for fear she’ll get her identity stolen, her computer will crash, she’ll lose all her data… She is calling her credit card company to make sure no unauthorized charges are made (if it were me I’d cancel the card), and she’s visiting next week so we can try to fix her computer then, although now I’m worried she’ll infect OUR network (and my husband has already said she is barred from using our desktop). GAH.