Ok, lets get the entire “secret knowledge” thing out of the way. The big secret that everyone is alluding to is nothing more than this: 8ball is a good kid, and in this case, the situation is just as presented. It can be difficult to be a good kid in Yellowknife, lots of kids up there amuse themselves with hooliganism and drugs. The “family secret” that everyone is so hot and bothered about is nothing more than the idea that 8 ball’s mother might have acted a bit unilaterally in this case. That’s it, no big feud between sisters, no long convoluted story about physical abuse, satanic rituals and sex with livestock.
Pretty much as Ginger said: “I know the story here, 8ball’s a good kid”. From that we have a textbook definition of a tempest in a teapot. Can we stop whaling on that particular deciest equine?
Now, for the rest of it. There are two main points being expressed here, and I don’t agree with either of them. First, the idea of children under 18 being of no consiquence. I find that attitude to be abhorrent. No one is saying that parents don’t have the ultimate authority, the do, of course, but by the time a teen is old enough to be working, that teen is old enough for his or her input to be considered. The ultimate decision rests with the parent, but that decision can and should be based on the teens story as well as everyone else’s. My son is 8, and if he’s reported as doing something wrong, I’ll listen to what he says before rendering a final decision on punishment. Such input will have more weigh as he matueres and grows up. It will never be the only thing I consider, but it will be considered.
Here’s a personal example. When I was a young teen, prolly 12-13 or so, I was severely punished when a neighbor reported that I had thrown a baseball bat at his car. Only thing is, I hadn’t. This particular neighbor didn’t like the fact that a group of us kids would play baseball in the street ( no parked cars around, using a tennis ball ), so he made up lies about us and went to our parents. I was punished unjustly, and I resented it. Fortunately, my dad had proven that he was a fair man. He would listen to my side of the story and factor it in before making his decision on punishment. This time he made a mistake, and I was treated unjustly. I was able to view that in the larger context of how he always treated me with respect for my opinions and feelings, and let the incident go as an aberration. If our relationship had been one of “Here’s what I say and you do it reguardless”, it would have hurt a lot more. When I got older and found myself with slipping grades, together we worked out a plan to solve the problem. In my case it wasn’t a job but over the use of a car. Said use was restricted pending my next report card. If grades went up, full recreational access would be granted, if they went down, the car would be taken away completely. My grades went up, but by dealing with the problem that way, I was able to have input and to determine the outcome. I knew this, it put the choices and decisions in my hands, along with the consiquences. This had the dual effect of teaching me responsibility, while maintaining the illusion of independence so cherished by 16 year olds. “Bad grades, I’m taking the car away” wouldn’t have had nearly the same effect.
Finally, a big fuck you to those people who have made it their business to comment, with their noses in the air, no doubt, about how “inappropriate” it is to be airing "family grievences’ on the SDMB. There are no family grievences being aired here. 8Ball had a bitch, she pitted it. People supported it or not, as is their want. Several of us commented from a position of personal knowledge, and because we’re related, we’re being told we should “keep it off the boards”, etc… We haven’t asked for, or given ourselves, any special treatement for 8ball because she’s our neice, and the implication that we’re only defending her because she’s related is absurd. We’ve defended her because she has a point, as always, in our ever so humble opinion. Anyone who dosen’t see that can go suck a tailpipe.
