Your mom’s been with so many sailors her lips go in and out with the tide.
[Mozart]Which ones would you like me to take out[/Mozart] 
“Mother jokes are so old…so are insults about one’s mother. Like the biggest insult one can face is an insult about one’s mother. Fuck that. Next time someone says something like ‘Yeah, well I fucked your mom last night,’ you look that dumbass straight in the eye and say, ‘Yeah? Well that’s too bad. While you were wasting your time trying to get laid by old ladies, I carved out your mother’s eye sockets with a razor blade and then sold her blind ass as a bondage slave to the Japanese mafia, and they’ve been shoving flesh eating carrion ants up into her ass and videotaping it for internet broadcasting.’ How do you like that? Now that is an insult.
If that doesn’t work, take it up a notch. Tell them you carved your name on the inside of their mother’s uterus with a butter knife while she was having oral sex with the family dog. Guaranteed they’ll throw a punch at you.”
-Foamy
Okay, your mom might suck for money, but I can guarantee that she swallows for free.
Ahh the voice of professional experience. You still offering that senior citizen’s discount?
(Hi mom! )