My brother likes to tell me to "suck it" whenever I talk to him

I really, REALLY need a good comeback for that, but I can’t really think of one. You’d think 23 years as a younger brother would have given me better skills, but alas, I have none.

I’d prefer it to not be vulgar so I could tell him in front of his son, but if it is, oh well.

“no u” is not a good comeback to suck it. I’ve tried that before, it did not work.

The really annoying thing about brothers is you can’t use “your mom” as a comeback.

Heh, I was playing rummy with my mom and sister last vacation, and my sister said “I don’t know what card to throw”, then a few seconds later it was my mom’s turn and I yelled out “Your MOM doesn’t know what card to throw!” They totally didn’t think that level of meta-humor was funny.

“that’s what she said”

“Whip it out.”. Ok so maybe not so good for in front of the kid.

My brother and I toss “Your mom” jokes back and forth at each other. Often in front of her. All of us find it amusing.

How about taking the ball and throwing it further? “Nah, not right now - my jaw’s still tired from last night.”

That hasn’t really stopped me before.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but isn’t your brother already setting the vulgar standard with the phrase “suck it”?

Maybe you should ask him - in front of his son - what “suck it” means.

Yeah, I’m thinking something along the lines of “What should I suck? I don’t see a cup and straw anywhere?”

Or something along the variation of “I’d be afraid it would just fall right off, being so tiny and all…”

I wouldn’t feel right insulting the size of his dick either, seeing as how that’s mostly genetically determined. So relative insults and body insults are off the table. How about “your wife” comments or something like that? Maybe “doesn’t your priest do that for you?”

Just turn to the son and tell him “See, nephew, what your father is implying is that he is intending to remove his male organ from his pants and would like me to insert it into my mouth and massage it with my tongue. You should be aware that some grown men like to have other people do that to them. If your father ever tries to do that with you, you should tell your mother and also call the police.”

Then an embarassing or irritating incident can turn into a learning experience, and everyone benefits.

Arnold, I like your idea even better than mine. I’d expand the “if your father” part to “If an adult” or something along those lines.

‘Present it.’

“You can’t afford it.”

“You want it gray, pink or blue?”

You know, like meat!

Sounds like he watches too much pro wrestling. Hit him with a steel chair.

The response that immediately came into my my head would be to say “No, that would be incest and incest is wrong.” In a very matter of fact tone. If you want to be extra evil you can then ask the nephew if he agrees, but that may be too far and I doubt I’d do it.

“Find it.”

“Suck it!”

“That’s what your mom said last night.”

“grow one first.”