My mom is well into her seventies. She had both knees replaced a couple of years ago. She gets around OK, but certain things give her trouble.
A couple of days ago, I heard her descending some stairs: “Oh, oh, oh, [groan], oh, oh, oh.” You know, just like the women in cheap/bad porn.
Dad has the same talent as the extras in the “Blazing Saddles” campfire scene.
So, what skeletons are rattling around in your family’s closet? 
Your post reminds me of a Dutch novel, “the Evenings” by G. van het Reve. It is autobiographic, about a young man who can’t afford yet to move out of his parents home. So he sits with them every evening in the living room. And everything these elderly folks do annoys the hell out of him. He hates the way his dad smacks his lips. The groaning sound when they get up from a chair. The smell of the toilet when one of them had been there. He hates the somewhat repetetive things they say to him and to each other, like " Coffee, dear?" or his dad going up to the window, checking the barometer, and declaring to the room at large what weather it’s going to be.
It was a very famous novel in Holland in the early sixties. It was the coming of age novel for a whole young protest generation that didn’t want to be like their stuffy, small minded parents.
I’ve read it a couple while back, and it just struck me how mercyless and loveless he writes about his folks. Makes me sad really.
My mom snores, my dad farts.
There, I just wrote myself out of their will.
Actually, sticking true to your thread title - I remember as a pre-teen hanging around with my friend in his house. We were snooping through his dad’s closet and found the Playboy and Penthouse magazines.
Then one day we found Polaroid pictures - of his parents having sex!
My friend was kind of grossed out, and we only glanced through them once.
One thing I never mentioned to him is how many different camera angles there were - in other words, somebody else was in the room taking those pics. (Even at that age, I was thinking in terms of camera angles as well as content.)
My mom was a backup singer for my uncle’s band. My dad was in the audience and fell in love with her. That’s right; my dad was a groupie! (My aunt, my father’s sister, disputes this, so I may have gotten it gerbled.)
My parents don’t do anything which annoys me, and I can’t think of any skeletons in the ol’ family closet. But my father-in-law has a way of clearing his sinuses by snorking in any loose snot by inhaling. It drives me up the wall, and he does it. All. The. Time. :smack::mad:
My parents have no joy, imagination, or passion for anything. I try not to let it annoy me too much.
I suspect this is how a lot of people get morning breath.
I’ll bite: What talent did the extras in the Blazing Saddles campfire scene have?
(Don’t think I’ve ever seen it, or if I did, it was a LONG time ago.)
Farting. On a global scale. The sound is always edited out on broadcast TV, so the scene makes no sense at all. And by edited out, I mean dead fucking silence for over a minute.
The one time I saw it on TV (on The Movie Network), they substituted horse whinnies! A desecration of a true ROFL scene! (I saw it for the first time on my 21st birthday, in a theatre, and I really did fall out of my seat, I was laughing so hard .)
Truly great word. I LOL’d it!
But does it sound like porn or Aliens or anything?
I regret dragging Dad into this thread - I think the Mom/knees/porn thing would have sufficed.
I thought porn actresses in bad films went “oh yea. oh yea. oh yea. oh yea. ohhhhh yea. oh yea. oh yea. oh yeaaaa. oh yea. oh yea.” mute ahhh much better.
My father has smoked more doobie this past week then I have in my life, and I’ve smoked my share of doobie.
My mother broker her knee a couple of years ago, and has recently learned that her old wounds hurt more when it’s raining. A few months ago her knee hurt really badly one morning, even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. A few hours later it was raining cats and dogs. As she told me this story, she said, with a straight face, that that day was the day she officially became an Old Lady.