My mom’s SO confronted me on something he had heard me say two days ago. Two days ago, my best friend was over at my house. I was going to study with him, and had suggested he come over. When he came over, he talked to my mom for some time about his work and his new apartment. I jokingly said, “Mom, you’re hogging my friend.” Well, apparently this remark sent my mom’s SO’s gaydar on high alert. He told me he was concerned that I might be a ‘homo’. I immediately started to speak up to explain how incredibly fucking wrong he was but he cut me off and said he was telling me this because other people might take what I said the wrong way, had I said it in a public place. Gee, thanks for the arcane wisdom, old man :mad:
I didn’t even get a chance to explain myself, much less reveal how ignorant he was on the situation. My mind swam with anger. Why would he care if I was gay or not?! and why should the statement I made have even the slightest bearing on my sexual preference? He makes me mad on so many levels. Frankly, I think that the possibility that what I said might sound ‘homo’ is his problem. My best friend and I are totally heterosexual. We have a very close friendship, but it is not sexual at all. But the Homophobic SO is practically convinced I have some sort of ‘secret relationship’ going on with my friend :rolleyes:
I think the worst part of the whole thing is that I’ll never get a chance to scream at him how wrong he is, and how much of a homophobe he is being about this. He ended the conversation with, “this is behind us now, so we don’t have to discuss it anymore” which translated in my brain comes out “I’ve just insulted you under the guise of ‘manly’ advice but am going to pretend we never had this discussion in case I am wrong”
Please explain why it would make your mind “sw*m with anger”? If it’s not true then roll your eyes and move on. But getting angry about it seems to indicate you have some kind of problem with homosexuals.
Start mincing and lisping when he’s around. Let your wrist go limp and use the word “fabulous” a lot. Break into song often. I think you’d have a lot of fun fucking with his head like that.
"You know, “SO”, I am NOT gay. Neither is my friend. However, I not only find it offensive that you would qualify my sexuality by a remark I made that in NO WAY indicated my sexuality, I find it INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE that you would indicate that being gay was something heinous.
Not that it is any of your business, of course. Just saying you should rethink your attitude toward life in general.
Peace."
Oh, and I would print it out and read it to him…so you have a transcript to read to your mom if she wonders what was said.
I’m sorry, Homebrew, but I don’t think you really got the gist of Incubus’ indignation…or perhaps I missed it.
My understanding was that he was ticked off because A) the man mistook friendship for something else that B) he thought was shameful. It appeared to me that the problem wasn’t that Incubus thought that homosexuality was shameful, but that the SO thought it was.
I could, of course, be wrong. It has happenend before.
WAG: He’s resentful that you have a friend. Such friend distracts your attention from him.
If the friend coming to visit you was a girl, he would find something to bitch about in that case as well.
I know he’s your mom’s SO, but it sounds like he’s trying to establish his place as the “Man of the House.”
[voice of been in that situation] If your mom’s SO is truly a jerk, then tighten your belt, 'cause there will be some tough times ahead.[/voice of been in that situation]
He IS trying to establish being ‘man of the house’. And I’ve had to put up with him for the last three years. At first we did not get along at all. But then I started making steps to improve things, because it was easier learning to put up with him than trying to survive on my own (which will be impossible for a while).
Scotticher has it right- He has a problem with homosexuals and thinks that by pointing out my apparent gaffe he is ‘protecting’ me from what other people might think.
A. Where TF does he get off telling you how to live your life? Just because he’s involved with your mom does NOT give him any parental role.
B. What TF does some stranger care about what you may or may not say in public? And made Mom’s boyfriend the arbiter of what may be said in public?
C. Who TF cares if you’re gay, striaght, or bi? It’s friggin’ 2003; nobody except sad old closet cases (Oops did I say that out loud?) cares about other people’s sexual orientation.
Homebrew, you are off-base on this one. The OP is fighting the good fight.
I’m still trying to figure out how “Mom, you’re hogging my friend” would have any sexual implications. Does “hogging” have another meaning that I don’t know about? :eek:
It sounds like you’re using this event as a channel for all of the other anger torwards him.
As inappropriate as his remarks were, just ignore it. Do you really wanna let him be able to control how you feel?
Yes, I agree…I should have been more explicit in saying that I think you are…and SHOULD be… fighting “the good fight”, hon.
Sometimes it is hard, but as long as you stand fast and don’t cave in…it makes a difference. Sometimes it isn’t even apparent until much later, but I can tell you from my own experience that if you are strong and honest and pure in your motives and beliefs, sometimes people THINK about things and change their opinions…or at least you have given them something to “tickle their conscience” about. Beyond that, you have no responsibility.
At the very least, sometimes when you introduce REAL people into the equation, people start to view these issues with a more human and loving heart…and that is the very difference that we should be looking for. IMHO.