There’s this married couple I know and the husband is very much like me, he doesn’t think anyone’s sexuality is something that needs “intervention.” His wife, however, has a different perspective. She told her husband not to hang out with a friend of his because she suspected he was gay. My family also met this friend and concluded he was gay. I didn’t think he was, but I also didn’t care. I haven’t seen that friend in a while, either. He probably felt embarrassed when their friendship essentially ended.
So, the latest “victim” of her gaydar crosshairs is the husband’s brother. He recommended a book to her which had a gay character in it (sorry, no idea what the book was). This, coupled with the fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and probably just that he’s a nice guy, has brought her to the conclusion that he is gay.
Okay, so shitty gaydar, I have that too (although, mine’s the opposite, I’m less likely to suspect that someone is gay even if they are flaming). But here’s where the pitting part of this post comes in…
She told her husband that she felt she needed to confront him about his homosexuality. Naturally, Husband said “No, not only may he be offended, but if he really is gay, let him come forward on his own time.” So, having had that discussion, she proceeds to email his brother with her reaction to the book. She liked the book, but added to the email, “By the way, are you gay?”
The brother was offended, said pretty much the same thing her husband said, and added “Just because I’m not sleeping with every girl on campus, doesn’t mean I’m gay!”
First of all, why the hell does she feel the need to try to convert every guy she knows into a heterosexual? And that is made much worse when her gaydar detector is that far out-of-whack, that it seems to be set off by the slightest gust of wind.
Now, I KNOW I’m on her “gay list,” because I haven’t been on a date in ages, the blind date they did set me up with years ago failed, and I’m soft spoken, artistic, I appreciate the arts, I’m not into sports, etc. I’ve set off lots of people’s gaydar, and I usually take it as a compliment (because I believe many of the stereotypes about gays are positive ones). I asked him if I’m on “The List,” but he didn’t answer (he might as well have). But I’m really suspecting that this is the reason I haven’t seen her husband in a long time (a few times in the last year). She’s probably afraid that my “gayness” will rub off on him. She also won’t let me take him to Hooters, though.
Part of me wants to just act like a drama queen in front of her the next time I do see them, or show up in drag. I do a great Valley Girl. If anything, just to fuck with her mind. Of course, it could cost me a friend. If anyone’s got any vicious or creative approaches to this situation, I’d love to hear them.
