aha has inspired me with his shower thread so much that I’ve decided to share with everyone what I do every morning from the time the alarm goes off until I go to work.
- Hit the snooze button on the alarm clock.
- Kick the dog off the bed.
- 9 minutes later, hit the snooze again, hoping I can catch that dream again; the one about me and Heather Graham where Nicole Kidman walks in wearing that leather outfit . . .
- Kick the dog off the bed.
- Finally turn alarm off and mentally prepare myself for actually getting out of bed.
- Kick the dog off the bed.
- Wonder why the hell the dog can’t learn to stay off my bed.
- Sit up, rub the crust out of my eyes.
- Mutter incoherently about that goddamn job and stupid son of a bitch at work and frickin traffic’s gonna suck . . .
- Go to the bathroom (Doing assorted things in there I’m sure no one wants to hear details about. I’m sure aha can supply that thread. Let’s just say I return from the bathroom clean, teeth brushed, hair combed, shaven, and the toilet has been flushed.)
- Go back to the bedroom to get dressed.
- Kick that damn dog off my fucking bed, you stupid mutt, why can’t you fucking learn!
- Waste 10 minutes looking for clean socks.
- Waste another 5 minutes looking for the other shoe.
- Dress myself, take dog out for morning walk.
- Stand outside like a moron holding a leash, pleading with the dog to take a dump for me so I can go to work. (Have you ever tried explaining to your boss that your late cuz the dog wouldn’t shit ?)
- Go inside, hunt for my wallet, keys, lighter, cigarette pack, and watch. All of these things are set on the coffee table in the living room when I first walk in the door in the afternoon, but by morning are well hidden throughout my home and never in the same place twice. I blame the dog, who is trying to get even with me for continually kicking her off the bed.
- Get in my car, drive 10 feet, realize I forgot something, double back.
- Get my security ID badge for work off my dresser.
- GET THE HELL OFF MY BED DOG!
- Close bedroom door so dog won’t get on the bed while I’m gone.
- Get in the car, go to work.
