There was a pit thread about people that hate mornings. I don’t hate mornings. I have always been a morning person but the routine I have to go through every morning is a pain in the ass.
As soon as I wake up I sit up and have a cigarette. Yeah I know don’t even go there.
After I am done I attempted to stand up but there is a dog in my way. After much nudging with the toes the dog is up and shaking off her sleep. The ear flapping wakes the second dog and they are both slowly walking in front of me. Mind you it is dark in the room. Then the third dog gets up and joins the other two and start to head for the stairs. I am also trying to get to the stairs but the three fur faces are slowing my advance. All three must make a dead stop at the top and look down at the steps and at each other to see who is going to attempt the act first. Eventually one takes lead and we are on our way.
About half way down the steps I am joined (read: attempting to be tripped) by two cats. One is egger to go out the other wants food.
We are now at the bottom of the steps with no fatalities. The dogs and one cat head to the back door, the other cat jumps to the top of the pantry cupboard. Mind you there is much snorting, meowing and rowling.
As I attempt to get to the door I am blocked by 180 pounds of dog and nine pounds of cat. After wading through to get the screen door open and getting my toes stomped on the canines are on their way with the cat in hot pursuit.
I then answer the beast that is now going crazy jumping from the counter to the pantry cupboard loudly demanding his food. I turn on the coffee and feed the beast.
I then return to the door to let in the two of the three dogs, one is trying to stomp on my feet in anticipation of her cookie. The other sits in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She also wants a cookie but is more patient about it. Some days she is so “patient” she won’t take the damn cookie. She runs up to it then runs away, then runs back and then runs away. At this point I toss the thing in the living room where she sprints to the cookie, grabs it and runs under the computer desk.
After feeding cookies to those two I return to the door to let in the third dog. She always takes longer because she has to sniff every blade of grass in the yard to see if there is any difference in the grass from last night to the morning. I offer a cookie but she does not take it because we ran out of the soft chewy ones and she does not like the hard ones. I put cookie back in the box.
I use the facilities, grab my coffee, turn on the news and feel like I made a touchdown. Even then I am not done yet as several other cats are now awake and head to the door also wanting out. They are not as brave, or stupid, as Bob is to risk getting trampled by the dogs when the door is first opened.
Jesus this is every morning, seven days a week, 365 days a year. The thing that pisses me off the most is if my BF or daughter should ever happen to awake before me they do not have to do even one of these chores. They all wait for “mommy” to get up.
So how does your routine go?
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