My mother (age 96) passed away. One of my brothers is a psychopath

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Don’t want to press you anymore.

You weren’t there(I gather).

Lots of people were.
If your good brother felt threatened for his life and limb because of bad brothers threats,
GBro needs to gather evidence, statements, save texts. And any video of the event.
Take it to a detective and see where he is.

Don’t poke the bee hive.
You’re mad and sad. And far away. It is understandable you’re upset.

Yes, have Gbro get all the ducks lined up. Lawyers and Estate people in place.

Then you have services. Will read. Talk about Mom.. eat. Mouths quiet about the incident.

Bbro can make noise til hell freezes over. Unless he actually brings weapons and attacks someone. I think ya’ll gotta let him carry on.
IAN-law enforcement . I figure they’d rather not come to a wake with deal with a domestic fight.

IANAL, but this is what they do. Help families manage Moms stuff and any monies.

(Those 2 nephews should be reported)

22

Quoting this for emphasis. After just going through this with my mother’s house I can verify this is very true. Waterford seems to hold its value better than a lot of other glassware but it’s doubtful there will be anything worth much.

23

The schism in the family I only saw from either Ireland or the UK. There was what the middle brother and his wife thought best, and what the eldest brother thought best.

The former lost me as a rational group perhaps 10 years ago when my mother had (some reason to be in the hospital) where the doctor said she should have low (and low) salt and they mentioned how she had some McDonald’s breakfast that amounted to three packets of their salt, and i said so.

A couple weeks later my oldest brother received a package with three McDonald’s packs of salt and a small wooden hammer mallet (It’ll either come to me or my wife will recall) as somehow the Beatles’ “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” had come into context. It was sent from Liverpool, New York so somehow the deranged connection (leaving alone the song itself) was supposed to be funny, ironic or a gag of some kind. Liverpool, NY is pretty far upstate, near Syracuse where my oldest brother graduated. But yeah, Liverpool and let’s send along a hammer (wooden as I imagine silver hammer’s are not easy to come by esp. in the midst of a ghoulish gag). Beatles, Liverpool, hammer and salt.

The crazier thing was them moving within 150 yards or my my mother and never making contact. i tried in 2017 to make some peace yet it only led to more all-caps emails from them and their kids. My mother never read any emails yet clearly this hurt her emotionally. Long island alone is big enough to choose lots of places, but 150 yards?

I’ll never forget it and right now I just hope my oldest brother stays safe as he will be doing the funeral prep and executor prep while this creep of a son and his crazy wife live nearby with legal guns.

No other news, need to pick up my wife from overnight work.

24

My lord.

When you come online can you tell us(if you’re so inclined) what you think the meaning of the salt/hammer/Beatles stuff was.

Were they intending a threat, a joke, nonsensical whackiness?

Families can be so horrible to each other.

Otherwise, grieve as best you can thru the worrying.

25

Heh, wish I’d asked in a “How crazy is this?” thread back then. My wife, who was in St. Petersburg at the time, could provide no further context to an anonymous package from Liverpool, NY with a small wooden hammer, 3 packs of McDonald’s salt than I can. As I said, it’s near things upstate by Syracuse and Buffalo, yet the idea of “Liverpool! Beatles! Let’s get a hammer and some salt and mail it anonymously to that first asshole brother of yours as even if we had his address handy, we’d need to show ID to mail it to the UK to the other asshole.”

Mom never heard about it and likely would only know “Here comes the Sun” from “Abbey Road”,

The house, as per the contract/lease/will whatever will have to be sold. I only want my $1500 suit (worn to my dad’s funeral) and $500 Schott leather motorcycle jacket I used to wear everywhere including Melbourne.

i said goodbye to my mother over WhatsApp which is better than saying goodbye to your dad hours before life support is shut down.

ETA; And i want my middle brother to stand in front of a judge and defend his gun ownership and threats heard by a nurse to kill my brother.

26

Too true. My mother was very proud of her china, crystal, silver, and dining room set (table and chairs), and always warned us kids that if we damaged anything, it would be worth less when we inherited it.

Well, we (my sister and I) inherited it. And nobody wanted it. Its worth (using for example, the silver tea and coffee service, was about $50), wasn’t much, because people today don’t want that kind of stuff. The dining room table and chairs went for about the same amount. Nobody wanted Mom’s cherished crystal; I think we got rid of it for $10.

Sis kept a few items, mostly for nostalgia’s sake. I did have to laugh when Sis served up backyard-grilled burgers, fries, and salad on Mom’s “only for use on Christmas and Thanksgiving” Royal Doulton china plates.

27

I got married in 1993. That was right on the edge of when most people realized that special cutlery and plates is asinine. A few of my peers still had it on their registry back then. My stepmom was insistent that we’d regret not getting China and if we didn’t get it now, we’d never get it. Like we’re hippies, when would we ever have an event where regular plates wouldn’t suffice?

Back to the OP, I’m the sole trustee for my mom’s and my step-mom’s estates (dad died) because my sibs are selfish and insane. It’s going to be a nightmare but there won’t be gunplay.

28

Married in 1999. My uncle bought us a full set of cut crystal wine glasses. I don’t think we ever unpacked them and have moved twice since we got married. We do use our china.

29

We got married in 1985, and got formal china and silverware as wedding presents. We pull it out twice every year and enjoy it for Thanksgiving and passover. We also have a little bit of crystal, but the only piece we ever use is a sugar dish, which we actually use every day.

The silver will probably be worth something, if only its bullion value. The china will only be worth whatever sentimental value it has to my kids.

We sold my Mom’s silver for a significant chunk of change. I don’t think we even tried to sell the China or glassware. I took the nicer glassware to the “take it or leave it” area at the town dump. I think my sister took some of the china. Anything else went to the guy i paid to clear out the house, who probably just tossed it into a dumpster.

30

So eldest brother secured a restraining order. What that means in reality since other brother lives really close I’ve no idea. I advised him to secure the place - keys changed - yet the other brother will break in if he sees no cars in driveway or security.

There’s not much ‘there’ there. I sold my father’s stamp collection for just short of $15,000 in 2000 and we split that 3 ways. I’d be surprised if an estate sale of a ceiling high pile of (real) Waterford crystal would go for $5,000 and there is really only a couple breakfronts, lighting fixtures and chandeliers. There is certainly silverware of good quality, yet again, estate sale you’ll get that pawn broker guy on TV, “See, the thing is…”. Glad the stamps are long sold - fine hobby for my dad yet not lucrative.

I don’t even know if their (or what and actually IF there is one) mentioned in the will. One good thing about the living will regarding the house is that we already know it’s 1/3rd.

The middle brother has a lawsuit against a honda dealership and the drivers (esp. one who hit & run) his 25 year old unmarried son living with them in dec 2023. Not a lawyer, yet were he married and a wage earner it’s a different outcome.

His oldest son is in DC (graduated GWU there) has been pelting my brother with texts - let’s just leave it at all-caps foul mouth curses and bitching about calling the police. Dunno what he does there yet I reckon he’s a MAGgot. The brother and his wife are both proud racists and MAGA’s.

I don’t know why my brother said, out loud, in front of a professional nurse, what he did. I reckon it was out of my eldest brothers hands by then. Yet at least he has a restraining order that is backed up by a professional witness.

31

Update: Motion for Order of Restraint struck down in court as Police observed no criminal behaviour. I am displeased to hear this.

New York has a gun law regarding gun frontation called “Red Law” where I presume the Police need to observe Subject A shooting at Subject B to support a motion before a judge, scheduled the day after tomorrow, to consider taking Subject A’s guns away temporarily. I am sure there would be a completely separate motion to remove Subject A’s concealed carry permit.

When I’d go camping - often in the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina - and wanted to shoot my afore-mentioned Navy Colt .44 handguns, by necessity I had to pass through parts of NYC where the law is a handgun is a year in jail. I would disassemble the guns and bag the parts, screws and all, around the car. I’d get the ammo (lead balls) and powder at a Wal-mart down south. These were guns I knew how to use and I had better vision and was very accurate. I practiced gun safety I learned from my friend who now has a gun dealer license. Yet going back through NYC I dissasembled again (not a prob - you need to clean those guns).

I guess my point is when you practice gun safety and own a gun you do not ever draw a gun on someone, or even point one down-range at them or tell them “I am going to kill you”, esp. in front of a professional (in this case nurse) whose duty it was to inform these useless cops.

32

My knowledge is from New Jersey so things are going to be similar but different in New York. As blue states the gun laws aren’t that far off.

I know it’s frustrating. It’s fine to express that frustration. But at the same time you should look at it logically. Understand that restraining orders can take away rights and property. Often the initial judge will err on the side of caution and grant the order. At the hearing the judge needs more proof to approve.

There are really two different things you are talking about. I use the New Jersey nomenclature but the New York statutes appear to be very similar. The so called “red flag” law is actually an Extreme Risk Protection Order. For that there doesn’t need to be evidence of a law broken. It has to be proved that the subject is a danger to self or others. That can be started by reports from, family, teachers, mental health workers etc. That is strictly about the removal of the guns. There does have to be some evidence of the subject being a danger but they don’t have to be committing a crime with the weapon.

The other thing appears to be what we call a Donestic Violence Restraining Order. For that there has to be evidence of a domestic violence offense. We have the various crimes that qualify enumerated in the domestic violence statute. Not all of them a “violent.” Things like harassment are included. If that kind of restraining order is granted all weapons will be seized.

33

Thanks. As I was not there, I can only say he made this ridiculous statement - my mother had so little time left. Sure there were plans for a tomorrow and perhaps another tomorrow. The hospice nurse wouldn’t have been there if it was entirely palliative. Why my brother, his wife and son were there could be they saw or heard something (I don’t think invited - when asked to leave they did not).

Yet AFAIK he didn’t first say “I have X rifles and Y pistols” which probably wouldn’t have mattered, or brandish anything which would have been criminal.

I don’t know how he got a CCP. It’s incredibly difficult to get one in NYC yet even on LI you need to be a bodyguard or handler of a lot of cash or in security (40 years ago I worked security and I got $4 an hour but if I carried I’d get $5 - yet as an undergrad freshman not taking any law enforcement classes I’d have been unlikely to get one).

I didn’t know he had guns and I think that was discovered when the police (whom the nurse was compelled to call) arrived. You would know better, Loach, yet I assume some of the questions to someone were “Are you in possession of a weapon” (heck, that’s gotta be police question #1) and/or did you brandish one (jail) or threaten to use it (not sure if that’d have mattered anyway).

Really no more to be said here. Friends and relatives from Ireland (only the youngest two brothers of the original nine are alive and one has bad Alzheimer’s) will attend the funeral Saturday. The middle brother and family have no respect and just want their cut, If they do go, my brother will have cousins at his back else the Suffolk County Police will attend.

34

They had picked up my mom from the hospital and went to McDonald’s and bought, I dunno, a sausage breakfast after the doctor had said, at least for some time, limit your salt intake. I asked had they requested low/no salt and they hadn’t so I looked up whatever this breakfast is and the sodium came close to 870 mg which is what 3 McDonald’s salt packets have. It’s considered 36% (DV - daily value. Dunno if that’s British or what) and I sent a picture of 3 packets I had handy.

The connection to that song, hammers (or in this case a cute little wooden mallet), The Beatles, Liverpool are the product of a deranged mind. To take the time, when in Liverpool, NY, to package all this is up and post it is, to use the technical term, “batshit crazy”.

Yet that’s what they are. And if middle-brother doesn’t do anything criminal with his guns, his sanity and threats are irrelevant.

ETA: Daily Value (%DV) is also used by the Food and Drug Administration … I seem to recall RDV being the term, but whatever. They say Americans should have less than 2,300 mg a day while the average American has 3,400 mg a day. Nice.

35

Update on my psycho brother’s “antics”

I call them that because, while he’s certainly trying to send a message, it doesn’t rise to criminal activity.

So firstly, I’ve been back in New York since last Friday. I came to put the house in sellable condition and had already contacted a realtor to meet, with my oldest brother/executor on Saturday.

My psycho middle brother had, just before I left, sent an email after clearly googling some property law where he could take us to court and either force us to sell or sell his third and make us pay for his lawyer, unless we put the house up for sale. Well, duh, the HOA fees alone are $660 a month. And a reminder: He lives even closer than I thought. A short centerfield throw away. And in 8 years of living there, had never come to my mother’s house till the night she died. And just before then – in front of a palliative nurse (not sure what to call her) he said “If our mother dies tonight, I am going to kill you” and the nurse was right there and said, “I have to report this to the police”. And did. And they hadn’t witnessed anything so… nothing, not even a review of his sanity and right to possess a Concealed Carry Permit (CCP) and Rifles

So, as I said, I had cleaned the house well enough to show, yet it still has lots of stuff in it. I contracted with an estate seller who was parked in the driveway yesterday, and middle brother’s wife and son show up. And walk in, they were cordial enough (I’ve heard the lot of them are nice enough in the presence of strangers…) yet not 10 minutes after the estate guy left, comes stalking in psycho brother (I forgot to close & lock up).. I had heard he was fat (true) yet has COPD and not really able to move around. Also, his head was really big – like Barry Bonds after using Human Growth Hormone and Steroids. He’d certainly be taking some kind of steroids and I noticed no breathing problems so maybe he was just amped up. He certainly cursed at me a lot, tried to get me to fight him, told me to relate similar curses to the other brother and said he was “not happy” the house was about to go on sale this Monday the 7th, I was not happy they knew I was here – yet that apparently is due to great optics on the Ring doorbell to see the estate seller guy’s car in the driveway. While he stalked around the house, I parked myself next to a pry- bar (sort of a small crow-bar that I was ready to use – whether he had a firearm on him or not. I would go out swinging. Or I would have crushed him.

Today I spent much of my time out, much at the library to have a desk and wifi and to be out of here. Last night I had bungee-corded chairs to the fence on each side of the house, put a board in the sliding door in the back, locked the outer front door and duct-taped both levers on the inner doors and went out the garage door by entering the code to close it. And open it. And close it again.

I return and while walking down the road to the house I see a parked car with its brights on. Not moving. I try to get out of its sight. Garage opener doesn’t work. It’s 35 years old from Sears and I reckon if you mis-enter the code enough times it essentially locks you out.

I had a small portable lock-pick set on me, yet it would be of no use with duct-taped door levers. You just could not get enough torque to open them.

So I’m trying the garage door, making sure I had the right code and twice this blue mini SUV passes slowly, and it looks like my brother in the driver seat looking at me. I was already suspicious after seeing the car with its brights on, waiting, then I try smashing in one of the small window panes, making a lot of banging noise. Nothing helping plexi-whatever. Another pass by the blue SUV. I sit down on one of the plastic benches that had been blocking the way – now returned to its regular spot – and another pass by the blue SUV.

So now it’s big rock time. I took out all three panes in the frame with one smash. So, I can probably restore them a bit. Reach in, un-tape the doors and enter. Call the cops on the non-emergency line. Walk down the block and there’s the blue SUV in psycho’s driveway.

Policeman arrives – rather quickly – before I was back at the house. Of course, there’s no crime here. Threats by crazed, illogical people with guns putting chairs back in place ought to be praised. Yet the police needed to be called. “Scotland Yard will be right on it”

The hardest part is talking to my wife in the UK and saying all is okay. I do not want her worried. I’m 56 and not afraid of dying. Psycho will die in jail and I will go out fighting. Yet if he was going to shoot me, he’d have done so. He still has till at least Saturday when I need to let the realtor photographer in (please do not park in the driveway).

36

Doesn’t your brother, as one-third owner, have as much right to be in that house as you do?

37

if he was sane, logical, not threatening to kill my other brother and trying to get me to fight him, yes,

Otherwise, legally, yes too.

He will not enter this house while I am here. He is a lunatic.

Hmm, using Firefox on old Mac. There is a warning this site will not support it soon. So let me switch to chrome.

38

You haven’t read the OP, have you.

39

I feel for you. My sister and I are on good terms, but she is completely irresponsible, and has been on mental disability since her breakdown almost 50 years ago.

FWIW, Colt Navies are .36 calibre. Armies are .44 calibre. :wink:

40

I have read the entire thread and its more recent companion.