Earlier this evening my mother succumbed to cancer. She had been suffering from a particularly aggressive form of cancer, one that resisted every attempt at treatment. A few days ago we received word that it had spread to her lungs. We visited her every day, and I had occasion to make my peace with her.
I would trade everything I have for just one more day with her. After all the differences we had when I was younger I came to realize that she never wanted anything but the best for me, and she understood that whatever resentment I once had no longer existed. I wasted so much time.
So, right now I find myself relieved that she is finally free of the pain that she never deserved to endure, and I now carry my own pain and regret that, like everything else, will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. She told me the other day that I needed to forgive myself. I don’t know how. It’s one lesson that I was never able to learn from her.
Goodbye, Mom. You were far better than I deserved. I love you, even if at times I was never able to say it or show it.