Earlier this evening my mother succumbed to cancer. She had been suffering from a particularly aggressive form of cancer, one that resisted every attempt at treatment. A few days ago we received word that it had spread to her lungs. We visited her every day, and I had occasion to make my peace with her.
I would trade everything I have for just one more day with her. After all the differences we had when I was younger I came to realize that she never wanted anything but the best for me, and she understood that whatever resentment I once had no longer existed. I wasted so much time.
So, right now I find myself relieved that she is finally free of the pain that she never deserved to endure, and I now carry my own pain and regret that, like everything else, will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. She told me the other day that I needed to forgive myself. I don’t know how. It’s one lesson that I was never able to learn from her.
Goodbye, Mom. You were far better than I deserved. I love you, even if at times I was never able to say it or show it.
I’m sorry for your loss. And I hope that you do come to some peace with yourself over past regrets. You did make peace with her, she knew how you felt. It wasn’t too late, after all. Best wishes.
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mom forgave you some time ago and was able to see you love her, without the complications of the past. That’s a wonderful thing to hold onto.
