My mother just died

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

At about 10:40 p.m. PST last night, my mother passed away. She was 77 years old. Diagnosed with terminal melanoma last February, she had a relatively easy time of it throughout most of the year. She had been able to take (and thoroughly enjoy) a two-week trip to Europe with my father and her sister in September, and flew out to South Carolina for Thanksgiving with my brother and his family.

It was during the Thanksgiving trip that the cancer asserted itself, necessitating a trip to the ER. She was stable and pretty comfortable for the flight back home to California, and on December 6 she was enrolled for home care in hospice. The real pain started about a week later, and was handled reasonably well with primarily meds by mouth until last Thursday, when it was decided to put her on a morphine drip (subq). Last Friday was the last time she took anything by mouth, and on Sunday, the family was given the okay by her doctor to stop turning her, as that was causing her more pain than bedsores.

She passed away forty-five years to the day from the day we moved into the house in Torrance (my family has evidently always been willing to go the extra mile to add stress to Christmas).

Married at the end of summer in 1952, she gave birth to twelve children over the course of the next twenty years. One of my baby brothers was born prematurely, and died on Thanksgiving Day 1960, and another was a victim of SIDS in the spring of 1963. The rest of us are all grown and reasonably healthy, although scattered to the four winds. Pretty much everybody will be back for the funeral, though.

My family and I spent the night in the old home place, and will be heading home in a few minutes to get the dog fed, and some grocery shopping done. I’ve been assigned to cook the Christmas dinner, and have spent the past couple of hours re-familiarizing myself with the kitchen (I don’t even know how many times it’s been remodeled since I last lived here).

Merry Christmas to everybody on the SDMB, and please join me in being glad that her ordeal is at an end.

We’re not sure how Dad is going to make it through this, though, and I anticipate that my support will be needed on an ever-increasing basis. So any positive thoughts you wish to hold for us will be greatly appreciated.

2

I’m so sorry. Even though she was sick, I know the loss still has to be difficult. It sounds as though you and your family were able to make her last few months happy and memorable, and I am glad with you that her suffering is at an end. I’ll say a prayer for you and your family.

3

:frowning:
I’m so sorry.

4

kaylasdad99, my deepest sympathies. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

As a mother, I can say that my child (my family) has brought me more joy and fulfillment than I ever thought I would have; and I hope that the same was true for your mother and that she passed on in peace.

5

With my Dad, I found it was the mixed emotions that made me a little wacky. Glad his ordeal was ended, but sad I no longer could talk with him.

I find comfort in little things, tho. I’ll find something of his, or hear a song he liked, or find myself using a phrase he often said … Makes me feel warm, as tho he isn’t all gone. Some of him continues, not just in our memories, but also in who we are.

Your road is going to have ups and downs. Please feel our support for you and your family.

6

I’m so sorry, kaylasdad. I truly am glad for your mom, both that her suffering is over, and that she was able to enjoy the love and care of her family until the end. You’re wonderful for thinking of your dad and his needs in the future. Don’t forget to see to your own as well. My mom passed away a year and a half ago, and I promise it will get easier for all of you in time. My thoughts are with you all.

7

A Merry Christmas to you and {{{{{{}}}}} for all of you, specially your Dad.

January 4th is both my father’s sister’s birthday and the anniversary of their father’s death. For many years and once there was nobody in my generation who justified getting together for presents, it’s also been the day that side of the family gets together.

8

That’s a great tribute, kaylasdad99. I’m very sorry for your loss and what your family must be going through.

9

My condolences. RIP. :frowning:

10

It seems she had things go as well as they could’ve gone, given the situation. Let the thought of the relative ease of departure be a comfort to you. That and how happily she spent her last months before that.

My deepest sympathies.

11

I’m so sorry. I know it wasn’t unexpected, but it still doesn’t make it any easier.

My thoughts are with you.

12

{{{{kaylasdad99}}}}. My mom just passed the end of October. I, too, worry about my dad but he seems to be doing ok. My thoughts are with you.

13

Heartfelt condolences kaylasdad. :frowning:

14

So sorry Kaylasdad. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. It may help to know that she is beyond pain now, but not beyond remembrance. It’s so good that you can be there for your father and the rest of the family, but please take care of yourself and allow yourself your feelings when you need to. It sounds like she had a good life and was surrounded by loved ones through the end. Not much more that any of us can ask.

15

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that you and your family are alright and I wish you condolences on your loss.

My mother was 65 when she died…and I had to be the one to sign for her to be taken off of life support…on my birthday.

16

My mom was also 77 when she died, just this past February.

It’s always sad. My condolences and sympathies

17

Condolences to you and your family, especially your father. This will likely be very hard for him.

18

I am so sorry. There really isn’t much more that can be said. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

19

My deepest condolences to you and your family, kaylasdad.

20

I wish I had wise words to say, but I don’t. I do, however, send you and your family my deepest sympathy.