Not feeling great myself right now. Not sure what to do or how to do it.
The last time a parent died, it was over relatively quickly, and money matters were more certain then.
I’m just got the call an hour ago that they are transferring her to hospice, and I’m just numb right now.
I’ll check back in later in more detail. I can’t respond to things well now, and they’ve got a server maintenance thing planned for this computer and IT environs.
I’m sorry, Two Many Cats, and wish you comfort and strength and more comfort. Hospice will take good care of her. I hope you have someone who will care for you.
Sadly, I did not know what “going into hospice care” meant until my mother was in it. My dad was still around and shielded me from the decisions around it. I recommend anyone with elderly parents educate themselves about what it means.
Stay strong, Two Many Cats.
Thank you Tapiotar and snowthx.
This is not unexpected for me, but you never really expect that doctor’s call to come, that he is recommending hospice care for your parent. I have been taking care of sickly parents continually since 1990 when my dad was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. My mom had a series of strokes beginning in 1996, and my dad died in 1999. Now it seems my caretaking days will be ending soon. Should I be relieved? Perhaps. All I feel now is numbness and exhaustion and dread.
My relationship with my parents is a complicated one. I could here launch into a long tale of betrayals with alcohol and adultery and bitter reprisals. And religious fundamentalism and on and on. Why did I stay? There was no one else. And in our way, we loved each other. I could not say, “Well, they treated me rotten,” and abandon them in their sickness. I couldn’t abandon them, and remain decent in my eyes.
So now, this chapter in my life draws to a close, and I have my decency.
Let’s hope I won’t have to test my decency on something else for twenty-seven years.
The above really hits home with me, Two Many Cats. The demands on me were not anywhere near as extreme as what you went through, but I did make substantial sacrifices to help my mother in her time of need. Part of me wanted to just walk away because after a lifetime of being belittled and abused it wasn’t clear to me that I was obligated. But I knew that I was the only person in the world who could help her, and I couldn’t walk away. Anyway, my mother died 5 years ago, and once I got over the initial weirdness of it all the relief, freedom, and sense of possibility I experienced has made my life much better. And like you, I know I remained decent.
So you have all my sympathy and support. Know that, whatever feelings you have, there are certainly others who share them. Take care of yourself.
I’m sorry, please take care of yourself.
Sorry to hear this news.
I’m so glad to hear your Mom will have hospice, they are some of the best people I have ever met.
and, yes, take care of yourself.
I’m sorry,** Two Many Cats**. I can’t even imagine your complicated emotions right now. Hugs.