My move to the retirement facility (If joining the thread late, at least skim the first few posts)

In My Humble Opinion
81

Re cats:

I ordered this mat to go on the floor outside my door. You can customize it with name and breed of cat.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09Y1KMTG4?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details&th=1

Of course, I will police and monitor everyone to make sure they don’t stand with the door open. Fortunately the Kitty Zone isn’t anywhere near the front door. If you consult the floor plan upthread-- it’s in the walk-in closet in the den.

My Tikva hides all the time now-- in the house! If there’s any commotion or anyone comes over, she heads for the bunker. My cleaning lady has been coming twice a month for 10 years and she’s only seen Tikva once.

One time I had a cat who was missing inside the house forever. Turns out there was a tear in the fabric on the underside of the box spring on the bed in the guest room. Great hiding place! I’m not sure how we found her.

This definitely would have been the dealbreaker. If I couldn’t have brought both cats, I’d have had to find someplace else. As much as I miss my two dogs (my Sweetie has only been gone a year-- hard to believe, seems longer), I wouldn’t have moved here with two dogs. Although I met a woman much older than me when I toured the place who has two ginormous, elderly dogs in her ginormous apartment. She is very wealthy and I think may have live-in or at least daily help. My friend who lives there has the dog that I’ve discussed in the thread that this one launched from. Cats are definitely easier in apartments.

This is the same. If you have $$ left over at the end of the month, you can donate to the neighborhood homeless meals program. Not sure how that works.

82

It’s pay as you go, here, with the bill added on to the rent each month. This month will be high, because of my surgery. I’ve just now regained my appetite, so that will drop when I start cooking again. The meals are generally pretty good, if you pick and choose. Tonight was smoked brisket, corn on the cob, baked potato, soup and slaw, with a tart for dessert. They DO have a meal plan, which I’m sure would be cheaper.

83

So they provide companionship, too? Such a deal! What about for Chefgal??

Sorry. I’ll go to my room now.

… But where IS my room??? :sob:

84

It’s the one with your two cats on the doormat

85

I believe the mat has it correct, wherever you happen to spend your nights:

“The cats are in charge I just lives here”

Home is where the cats are. And of course, no matter where you are in meat-space, as long as you have the internet, you have us!

86

Two new topics that I’d like coaching on.

The apartment has a garbage disposal. I only had one for a couple of years around 1979-1980. (I do know not to put cornsilk down there.) Now and for the years since 1980, I’ve had to put wet garbage in my kitchen garbage can and thus empty it to the outside can often due to the smell. I’m thinking that with a garbage disposal, that won’t be as much of an issue. Which is good, since I have to take my full plastic garbage bag down the stairs/elevator to the other end of the building to deposit it in the garbage collection spot outside. (Now I walk four steps to my outside big garbage can. Sigh.) I know you should run the water long enough to move the ground-up stuff into the drain pipes. What else should I keep in mind to avoid trouble?

Also the stove is electric (I have gas now), and it’s not the old-fashioned kind with the coiled burners but the flat, dark-glass-topped kind. I’m sure this isn’t the kind where you need special pots and pans, but I’ve never used one of these at all. When I get there, I will look up the manual online. I have a file of manuals on my computer. That’s how I roll. One positive about the new stove is that the broiler element is in the top of the oven. My current gas stove has one place where the flames come out, namely, at the bottom of the oven. Which means that when you want to broil, you have to use the drawer at the very bottom-- a huge nuisance and it’s very easy to burn food this way. Please, give me pointers on using this type of glass-topped stove.

Many thanks again to @ZipperJJ for kickstarting me into this thread. The comments have been sweet, supportive, and informative. I’m very glad that others are sharing their thoughts about a similar move and about parents’ or other family members’ moves. Those are interesting.

Thanks to everyone for virtually holding my hand through this transition (that I didn’t want). If all goes as planned, I’ll sleep in the new place with the cats on the night of Weds Sept 6. But I’ll keep y’all updated (and ask more advice) as that day approaches and afterward, too.

P.S. Years ago I started a thread proposing a hypothetical SDMB retirement home and what features and activities it would need to have. As I recall, it got lots of action and became very entertaining as people suggested uniquely Doper needs and programs. Does anyone remember that? I’ve searched for it a few times, but have never been able to find it. It was within the first couple of years of my joining the board-- I’ve forgotten where to find that year…

87

Tap your icon and the date appears. May 21, 2010.

88

You’re right, it is unlikely to be an induction stove, the kind that requires ferrous pots (they’re not special, any cast iron or steel–magnetic–pot works). We found our non-induction glass top stove was not nearly as responsive as gas, to heat up or cool down, and did not maintain an even temperature. The elements cycle on and off to maintain an “average” temperature around the setting you choose.

It also requires using a special cleaner regularly to maintain the shiny look. It’s not hard to keep clean, and in some ways, easier than a gas or coil stove: it’s more like wiping a counter, there are no nooks and crannies. Try not to slide pots and pans on the surface: it can scratch.

89

Regarding the garbage disposal:

I have found that much can go down the disposal without issue, but there are some things to avoid:

Grease
Banana peels
Coffee grounds
Potato Peels
Eggshells
Bones
Nuts
Celery

Definitely run COLD water when using the disposal.
Occasionally grind some ice cubes, as this will keep the blades sharp

Here are some more tips, some of which repeat what I said:

And here is Martha Stewart telling you how to clean the disposal:

We use our disposal daily. I’ve replaced it twice in 34 years.

90

Avoid putting fibrous things in the garbage disposal, like onion peels, carrot peels, coffee grounds, and especially chunks of gristly meat. Those things won’t grind well, will stick to the sides of the disposal, and start to smell after some time. Too much will cause a clog.

The garbage disposal is not the magic hole where food waste goes. It is the thing that prevents you from having to scrape food bits out of the sink after rinsing dishes.

Good pipes and a good disposal will let you abuse it consequence free, but also means when it does clog, it can be pretty bad.

Do grind citrus peels.

91

I’m surprised that eggshells are a no-no.

92

The lemon peels not only deodorize the drain, they make the whole kitchen smell good!

93

Seconded.

Although I’ve found not to grind lime wedges. So after you enjoy your gin & tonic, throw the wedges into the trash.

94

This is my understanding: It’s like coffee grounds; they break up into rough pieces that will stick to the sides of the pipes, and cling to other debris, eventually causing a blockage.

When I accidentally knock my used coffee filter into the sink, or get a bit of egg shell in there, I don’t worry about it, I just grind it. To me at least, the main point is don’t make a habit of it grinding the forbidden items.

To the more general matter:

This thread has been very interesting, as we’re in the early process of moving my Dad from his house in Central Texas to someplace here in Colorado. I’m an advocate of the type of place you’re going, but he is not interested in it at all. I’m really not sure if it is the perceived lack of independence, or the expense. Or it may be resistance to living in a place he doesn’t own.

Back when we still had in person voting my polling place was in such a facility, and I still remember the big banner on the wall “Ice cream shop open after 2pm, and always free.” That had me sold.

95

I’ve never had a garbage disposal but my brother has one and so does my boyfriend. One time my boyfriend’s disposal went on the fritz and I mentioned it to my brother and he said “tell him to press the reset button.” And that fixed it!

You can certainly call maintenance for whatever you want but if your disposal stops working, do the reset button. Like so.

96

Timely that you should mentioned that right now. I woke up this morning feeling apprehension bordering on panic at the change in my lifestyle that’s coming in less than a month. A change that was forced on me.

I’ve lived alone for the last 23 years ever since my husband died. The ten years prior to that it was just the two of us-- no kids. Both of us were only children, so no siblings for us either. I married when I was 40, so before that I lived alone, too.

I know it makes perfect sense for me to move to The Home at this time of my life. Logically, financially, everything is in place. And I believe this is the place for me. But my heart and my gut are not entirely on board. The fact that I have no direct access to the outside. I’ll only have three windows. No bathtub. The fact that I’ll be in a community. In a building with apartments all around me. A communal dining room. (I know I don’t have to eat there every day.)

As much as I may bitch and moan about being alone, it is part of my identity. I grew up an only child, moving from place to place as an Air Force brat-- always the new kid in school. The loner, the outsider. My parents were not social and never had anyone over-- I mean never ever, not any parties ever. No one over for holidays, which were observed minimally and grudgingly. I had my first birthday party (that I threw for myself) when I turned 21.

I can understand your dad seeing it as a potential loss of independence, not in the sense that your activities are restricted, but even that your heretofore private activities will be observed and noted. Just the idea of being in a community that will have expectations of you. Or even notice what you’re up to, one way or the other. All these thoughts are making me feel very queasy this morning.

I can’t back out of this, I’m not going to back out of it, because logically it does make sense, but this morning, while it’s still dark outside, I’m feeling the loss of the way I’ve lived on my own. Especially the loss of this sweet, standalone house that I love so much and feel so incredibly settled in. Watching the light (from my 21 windows) change during the day and across the year as it moves through the hours and seasons. The birds that gather every morning to be fed by me. The trees and plants that I had put in the back yard that I’ve tended and watched grow… :sob:

I’m aware of the upside-- but not at this moment. I know it’s better to do this when I’m still healthy and able-bodied. I know the cats will be safer in the long run as inside cats. I’ll be safer with people around me. Blahblahblah. At this moment, before the sun is up, I only feel loss, grief, and sadness.

Tell your dad you get it. You know someone online who understands the way he feels.

97

[Attempt at distraction] The conservative general rule for the disposal is dont “put” anything in it. As mentioned, it’s okay for incidental food bits or something very wet, like salsa that went bad. Grind after each rinse and flush thoroughly after each use. But it’s best to avoid stuffing anything down there - if its easy enough to toss in your trash or compost, “put” it there instead.[/Attempt at distraction]

98

Not sure distraction is needed as much as recognition? (If I’m wrong, please tell me!)

I think the only way to answer this one is to try it; and to try it for long enough to let yourself adjust.

I’ve lived both alone and with other people. The shift in either direction has always been a wrench; but I do seem able to make the adjustment – though whether I’d be as flexible now in my 70’s as when I last lived in large scale group housing (in my 20’s, in a college dorm) I don’t know. But when I looked at that floor plan, I tried wrenching my mind away from comparing it to a standalone house with lots of windows and into comparing it to the Ideal College Dorms I used to make up in my head when I lived in one; and then it looked pretty luxurious.

I’m not you, ThelmaLou, obviously. But one thing I think may help is to find some place close enough to walk to, if that’s possible, or otherwise easy to get to, where you can be outside and watch the light move and the plants, birds, etc. shift through the seasons. And in bad weather, is there a conservatory anywhere?

Can you fit plant lights and plants in a room in the apartment, thereby providing the plants and the privacy simultaneously?

Should I stop making suggestions that might not fit?

99

Sorry, but this is nonsense. The best it can do is clean the blades. If you could sharpen steel with frozen water, nobody would ever buy a knife sharpener. Science!

The coil burner flat top stove takes a little getting used to after gas, but they sure heat up faster than the old coil burners did. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t put an induction stove in a senior facility.

I sympathize with the garbage problem, but as a former facilities maintenance guy, I never use garbage disposals for anything but the smallest bits of food. Our building has a garbage chute with access on each floor. Open the door, insert garbage bag, gone! Down it goes to a compaction dumpster.

100

No, no. I appreciate the suggestions and especially the comments addressing my feelings.

I have to accept the grief and digest it at the same time that I’m looking forward to and being curious about the new lifestyle. All these feelings are in there swirling around. Especially when I wake up at 3 am.

My landlord dropped the bomb on Aug 4, and Sept 5 will be my moving day. :scream: I could stay longer, but that would be worse.