My move to the retirement facility (If joining the thread late, at least skim the first few posts)

In My Humble Opinion
101

You’re right, I think: “If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well
It were done quickly,” as someone said.

The grief is natural and understandable and hard. My partner and I have a technique we use that (sometimes) helps. When overwhelmed with a strong emotion, we say, “I will give myself over to this feeling for 7 minutes,” and we literally set a timer. When the timer goes, we take a deep breath, and contemplate the feelings and situations. Repeat as necessary.

It helps keep us from our natural shared tendency to be overwhelmed and to linger.

102

Any Community Gardens where you’re moving. My town has one and we have only two apartment buildings. The Community Gardens give you a small bit of land to grow flowers or vegetables. Might be worth looking into.

Community gardening - Wikipedia.

A community garden is a piece of land gardened or cultivated by a group of people individually or collectively. Normally in community gardens, the land is divided into individual plots. Each individual gardener is responsible for their own plot and the yielding or the production of which belongs to the individual.

103

While I’m at it: that’s a bow window in the living room, isn’t it? I see you’ve planned a chair there, where it’ll get the best light. What does that window overlook? Can you fit a couple of house plants in there and still fit the chair? Some plants need less lights than others; relatively low-light ones in a bow window wouldn’t need supplemental lighting. That would include some herbs, for good scents and to add a touch to your cooking.

ETA: make sure the plants are cat-compatible; but the cats would probably like having them around, also. You might want a pot of already-grown cat grass for them to chew on (one you start from seed would need to be protected from the cats until big enough.)

104

Good suggestion. :+1:t4:

I don’t know where that quote originated, but it was used in an episode of Wings, the one where Roy gets a mail-order bride from Russia. She says it when faced with the prospect of actually marrying him. :wink:

@What_Exit I’m truly not a gardener. I don’t long for opportunities to garden. I just want my sweet back yard.

I mean it when I say I don’t have a green thumb. I don’t have any live plants in the house. If someone is thinking of giving me a live plant, it would be more merciful to kill it then and there. I have lots of artificial flowers in vases all over. They actually look great and require no care.

This is the late morning view from the living room window. It’s just barely a bow window. It faces east and looks partially at the opposite wing of the building and partially toward the street. There’s a courtyard and a big tree. The apartment has a wonderfully serene and welcoming feeling. It’s very quiet, not just not-noisy, but emotionally restful, mentally quiet, if you will. Like a safe haven. Part of that may be due to being pretty cut off from the outside. This house has so many windows that the outside is always impinging and making itself felt. The light, the changing view from every window, the cats going in and out, neighborhood cats, people walking by, and dog walkers! This neighborhood has so many dog walkers-- I’ll bet a dozen pass by every day, even in this heat. There, I’ll be up in a treehouse.

105

I also thought it had to be an original Roy Biggens line, most of the great dramatic lines in literature were first said on Wings. Some internet clods say it comes from some little known play about a Scotsman named MacBeth, but Roy said it best. I’m positive the expression “Schmagratulations” started on Wings also.

106

you are taking to this relocation very well. it is a big undertaking in a very short bit of time.

when i had to decide where i should live for the next clump of my life, i decided on a flat in a condo building. it has much of what you will have, just no dining room thing. very smart to go with the 2 bedroom!

a suggestion for the cats that my vet recommended. empty the litterboxes, but do not clean or replace the for about 2 weeks. when you bring the cats to the new location, release them in the area of the litter box. the cats will move on from that area, and have it nicely printed in their brain. they also said once the cats leave the litter area, put down highly favoured food in the dining area. that way they have food and poo firmly printed in the cat brain.

smart move on boarding them. i did that with my crew. so much easier not having to worry about them though the 2 nights without them was so very weird.

107

Re: not having your own, private, outdoor space - does the area have any walking paths and parks? Perhaps you can leverage public outdoor spaces in lieu of having your own space. Sure, it wont be the same, but maybe you can still spend enjoyable time outdoors, and perhaps expand the things you do (walking for fun, exercise, or small errands/to a coffee, etc.). Of course, when the weather allows. I am a heavy user of our local bike paths, both as a walker and bike rider (and also as a runner, occasionally) - and I consider them “my” paths - an extension of my own yard (I pick-up litter and just generally lightly look after them).

108

It wasn’t Roy who said it but the mail-order bride at the prospect of having to marry him. Actually, it turned out that once she removed her babushka, she was a very attractive art history student and she met a cute guy at the airport and they flew off together. I loved that show.

This, after all, is the essence of the cat brain. And possibly the doggy brain, too. Maybe even the human brain… :thinking:

Good suggestions.

This is a very walkable area, in fact, it’s the other end of the neighborhood I currently live in. I’ve walked down near The Home many times. There are places to sit on the grounds (when it’s not 106 outside), which are nicely landscaped. I like that you consider the areas you walk to be extensions of your own yard. I have a bike but this is not a bike-friendly area. No bike paths, as such. There are “bike lanes,” which means that the city drew a line about 3 feet from the curb and put drawings of bikes in them. Tells the drivers where to aim. In fact, the whole city is not bike-friendly. I’m thinking I’m going to add the bike to the pile of stuff to sell.

109

Thanks. I remember the details now. Watched the whole series beginning to end several times and will again I’m sure. Were you raised in Texas like Crystal Bernard? I could imagine you being a lot like her.

110

Awww, shucks. Born here, but only moved here to live when I was in high school. Air Force brat-- my father retired here.

So many great episodes. When they thought Fay was a serial killer. Antonio (Tony Shaloub) was the most attractive guy in the group. I liked the episode when he almost stole his Eurotrash cousin’s girlfriend. Also the Puppetmaster episode. Maybe I’ll start watching tonight. I need some comfort TV.

111

I’ve never seen Wings, so am pleased to see the correct origin of the quote here. That Shakespeare guy is always stealing stuff and someone should put a stop to him!

112

I agree! You’re taking it well and also doing a great job preparing. Like, really great.

You deserve a bit of down time, some mourning time for the life you currently enjoy. Change is hard, good or not. But you’ve collected enough “doing the right thing” points to give yourself a heap of grace.

I would worry about living in a “group” setting after living alone this long, too (I have been on my own near 20 years). Just remember that you’re a woman in your 70s and no one can make you do any socializing if you don’t wanna! “No” is a complete sentence! You got your tv, a fridge and cats. You can hunker down for days :slight_smile:

113

That’s the thing with major life events, whether you feel positive, negative, or ambivalent, they are stressfull. I think all of your reactions so far are understandable.

My Dad is coming at it from the opposite direction as you, but still arriving at the same place of apprehension. Other than for a few years after divorcing my mom, he has always lived with somebody else. Now he is living by himself again, and getting lonely. I’m encouraging living someplace with easy social interactions, because he will make friends in that kind of setting.

Right now he is working through the emotions of giving up his house. This has been on going for years, but instead of a “someday” thing, is now a “soon” thing. Your situation is ripping the band aid off quickly. I guess much of it depends on if your personality is one to want to get it over with quickly (as quoted earlier), or to ruminate on it, until you are at ease with the decision. Or, you know, ruminate on it until it drives you bonkers.

To lighten the mood, here is my (sort of) funny Wings story.

Way back in the mid-90s (time period is important) I was at a conference on the east coast, and spent much of the time hanging out with some friends from the UK and their colleagues, who I had not previously met. One of these new (to me) people was going to travel to the west coast after the conference to visit her sister. It turns out her sister was married to one of the two main guys from Wings.

On the last day, she was having trouble calling her sister long distance (time period) on a payphone (time period), so I loaned her my long distance calling card (time period). She called her sister, arranged for airport transport, etc., and I assume all was well.

A month later I get the statement for my calling card, which contained the $0.95 call, and the guy from Wings home phone number. I never did call him, but it was fun to know I had that power.

114

Thanks for that very sweet and understanding reply. :kissing_heart:

Thanks for that.

I do get lonely, too, but yeah, he’s in a different spot. I’ll tell you (and you probably know this) a man in one of these facilities is a hot property.

THAT is hard! A huge step.

I’m one to ruminate before, during, and after. And also go bonkers.

That is way cool!

115

OK, I’ll stop giving you suggestions that involve growing plants!

But I’m glad that you can see a tree through your window. I bet sometimes it has birds in it.

If that’s the way you feel about your new space, then this is definitely going to work.

116

I’ll tell you one thing I’m not going to miss about living in this house: rounding up the cats to bring them in every night. Tikva gets it in her head about once every six weeks to be defiant about coming in. If I take a step toward her, she runs under the house and sometimes stays there all night. A little while ago she came in the house and all I did was turn my head toward her, and she bolted out the back door. Sometimes if she sees me move to the back door, she’ll race me there and get out before I can close it. But not always. Most of the time she comes in on her own around seven and doesn’t go out again. I never know when it’s going to be an all-nighter. It’s comical the way they play me! Right now I don’t know if I will see her again before tomorrow.

EC will run from me a little if she doesn’t want to come in, but eventually I can catch her or she will come in on her own. Like she just did.

The house is a bit disrupted so they know something is up.

Okay, hold the fucking phone!! Tikva was in the house all along in one of her hidey holes! I swore I checked all of them! :crazy_face:

117

I’m not sure how to link to that thread but I found it - search for “The old dopers retirement home”. It’s from 2015.

118

I’ll help you with that @Old_Wench (and all credit to them for the research)

119

Oh boy!! How timely! Fantastic research.

Thanks @ParallelLines. On the spot as usual.

It’s pretty funny. :grinning:

120

Years of lurking experience serves me well when it comes to lurking a thread, ready to pop up like Manservant Hecubus.

The better to offer tech support, insurance advice, or just old fashioned sympathy and support.