My Mundane and pointless Sunday Morning

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This morning I ran out of *gasp! *TOILET PAPER! :eek:Horror of horrors! That is the LAST thing I want to run out of! So off to the store I went on a Sunday morning - had to drive all the way across town because I like one particular kind of TP that I can only get at the grocery store. So I get my TP… and as long as I’m there, gosh those Sunday doughnuts at the bakery dept look good… got some doughnuts. Checked out and then drove to the park - I’m gonna sit in the sunshine and eat a doughnut! Yum! I tool off happily to the park and find a nice spot next to the boathouse, park the car and grab a doughnut, get out and walk down to the pond to eat and look at the morning sunrise.

Pretty morning, little songbirds singing, geese further out on the pond, an eagle up high-oOOOOH! Wow! I watched breathlessly, forgetting all about my doughnut, as I watched the eagle swoop really low over the pond and several songbirds chase it. They went right over my head and I ducked and took a step forward, still following the action, doughnut in hand completely forgotten.

SPLOOOOSH! glub cough hack spit*** I wasn’t planning to go for a swim this morning… especially in slimy green pond water. Just then the eagle and songbirds swooped low over my area again and I turned to watch, oblivious to standing waist deep in mucky water.

Suddenly I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my wrist. Ow! I looked down and there was a goose trying to eat my now soggy doughnut that I still held. I tossed the doughnut out into the water and the goose went after it, then I waded back to the shore and stood wringing out my wet clothes.

OW! OW! OW! I turned around and the stupid goose was back, biting my ankles and wanting more treats. “I don’t have any more - go away!” I yelled at it. The goose honked menacingly and I took off running for the car. OW! OW! OW! I was no match for the thing - it beat me to the car and stood hissing at me. I couldn’t get to safety! Now what am I gonna do? I walked backwards around the hood of the car, thinking to go in the passenger side - I’m a smart cookie!:smiley:

Locked.:smack:

I walked slowly, casually around the back of the car and came up to the driver door from behind the goose; leaned forward and opened the door. HONK! HONK! HONK! OW! OW! OW! I took off running for the boathouse with the goose in hot pursuit behind me, flapping wings, hissing, biting. NOOOoooo! Not another locked door! I ran for it again - three times around the boathouse with the goose tight behind me. Just as I was about to fall down and let it kill me because I was seriously out of breath, it disappeared. phew! I stopped and held my sides, panting for breath. At last I moved quietly forward and peeked around the far side of the boathouse - oh good! Coast is clear!

I walked back to the car and around to the driver side, sat down and closed the door. “Oh that stupid rotten goose!” I said to myself as I turned the key and put the car into reverse. I turned around to back out and found myself face to face with a very puffed up, very angry goose in my back seat. gulp

I whimpered a little, and then very slowly shifted the car back into park, opened the door, and got out. I backed up and stood watching my car from about 10 feet away, wondering if the goose would come out on its own. Finally I moved to the car again and hit the unlock button for all doors, then gingerly, slowly, carefully opened the back driver side door and backed up again.

The goose turned around and around, ruffling its feathers like it was going to stay there. It was picking at something on the other side - what did I have there? OH NO! NOT MY TOILET PAPER! I rushed to the car, all caution and smarts tossed aside, and yelled at the thing as I flailed my arms around my head **“YOU LEAVE MY TOILET PAPER ALONE YA DUMB GOOSE! LEAVE IT ALONE THAT’S MINE DO YA HEAR!?”
**
The goose continued shredding my toilet paper without a care in the world. I ran to the other side of the car and yanked open the passenger door in back, tried to push it out using the gigantic 24 roll toilet paper pack. No go. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? It won’t be long before it poops in my car! AHHH!:eek:

I yanked open the front passenger door and took a doughnut out of my bag of doughnuts, held it over the seat. The goose paid no attention. I walked around to the driver side again and reached bravely (stupidly?) in and poked the goose with my finger. HONK! It turned and hissed at me. I stood there and started to eat the doughnut in front of it. honkhonkhonkhonk the goose came fluttering out of the car and bit my ankle. I dropped the doughnut and walked around shutting car doors as the goose ate. Got in and drove away. I am now showered and cleaned up, and have saved most of my TP. Still have 3 doughnuts left.

I hate geese.

2

I don’t think that was very mundane…

3

gave me a needed laugh
and if you posted in the MMP thread you would know that one should never have less than 24 rolls of N.O.T.P. in the house.

I’ve been goosed by a goose, it certainly gets your attention.

4

This! I have warned of the dangers of not having at least one unopened 24 pack of tp in the house at all times. I knew the consequences would be dire but I did not know that meant a deranged goose would be the consequence. :eek: I trust you have learned your lesson.

Oh and that was hilarious! :smiley:

5

This morning our dog grabbed the last roll (half-roll, actually) of toilet paper. I yelled at him and he dropped it. I turned around to put the milk jug down, turned back, and it, and he, were gone!

I followed him out to the living room, but, while he was right there, the roll was nowhere to be seen.

I finally found it in his toy box, fortunately unshredded.

I should go out and get some more.

6

I was thinking, as I read the first paragraph of the OP, that you should have gotten me a doughnut since you were out anyway. Then I realized that if you had, you’d have avoided the whole goose catastrophe. And I’d have given you coffee.

The travel time might have been a problem, but that’s a detail.

ETA: And we just stocked up on TP at Sam’s Club - I could have spared a package. For a doughnut I didn’t have to go out on a Sunday to get.

7

Thank you for this story
Nice to know we all have a little problematic times in our lives!

8

This is all an allegory right? Like Life of Pi but you were the goose and your mom was the eagle. Not sure what the donut is but the tp is your soul. Right?

Life of FluffyPickleSniffer

9

sigh I wish it was… unfortunately my life likes to throw stupid things at me all the time. (or maybe it’s me throwing stupid things at life.)
Here’s a continuation of the story:

You see, overall yesterday was not a great day - my 17 y.o. cat Baby hadn’t eaten and was throwing up pure bile all day long, very sorry for himself. (I don’t blame him). I took him to the vet this morning, sure that it was his kidneys again (he’s got kidney disease). The vet called me at work about an hour later to report on Baby. His kidneys had the best results they’ve seen for the past year - yay! But his white blood cell count was WAY high, and his liver enzymes triple what they should be. So he stayed at the vet getting fluids all day, and I picked him up tonight. Vet said he’d be okay with meds - which they gave me - and should be himself by morning. Great! I left the office just flying high good spirits. My Baby’s okay!:smiley:

Got in the car and put the music on, tooled off down the road on the long drive back home (vet’s out in the country). I was singin’ away, happy as can be, cars are passing me smiling and waving. I’ve never seen so many friendly people on the road! They must know it’s a good day for me! I smile and wave back, singin’ along, having a good old time and Baby snoozed away on the back seat in his carrier.

As I pulled into town I opened the windows for fresh air and waited my turn at the busy four-way stop. Folks are smiling and waving at me, I smiled and waved back. As it’s finally my turn to go a car in the other lane comes alongside and rolls their window down. The guy yells “Hey lady! You shouldn’t try to hide natural blonde hair - next time don’t dye it, k?” and off he goes. I turn the corner and think “huh?” all the rest of the way home. As I turned into my neighborhood the streets got quieter and I noticed a weird ***FLAPPA FLAPPA ***sound against my car. I glanced down out of the open window.

My looooooong bright tangerine skirt is flapping merrily away outside the car.:smack:

What do you guys think? Should I go for a blonde hair dye next time I’m in for a trim?

10

I’m not sure blonds can wear tangerine.
Tangerine goes better with darker tones.