In case the title didn’t give you a clue, he’s an uneducated (but that’s OK) ignorant (that’s not OK), noisy, domineering, abusive alcoholic, junk trans-camaro up-on-blocks, howling caged dog owning asshole, living in a house that’s falling apart though lack of maintenance, with his co-dependent wife and dumb-ass white trash loser family.
Out of 13 houses in my subdivision eveyone gets on great - except them. Also, everyone else cleans their houses, paints them, moves the wrecked cars and looks after the yard, but not this guy.
Why, wherever one chooses to live, is there always one shitkicking asswipe scumbag family-from-hell that fucks up any neighborhood?
They’ve made my life and those of my other neigbors miserable for several years, and are working hard to drag down our property prices. So what would you do if you were in this position to mess this fuckhead’s life up for a long time? Now, I’m not suggesting for one moment that I would actually act on any idea you may present, but I’m interested to know what you’d do if you happened to land in the same situation.
Where do you live? I have a feeling you live in my subdivision and are talking about MY very own ignorant redneck fuckwit asshole of a neighbor.
If you are in a subdivision with an association, they can help. Otherwise, I’d recommend going to the city council. Many times there are zoning regulations that include paint, excessive shit in the yard, etc. that most people aren’t aware of, but can be used for a formal complaint by the city itself. Many cities will gladly help as property values mean a lot to the city itself. It’s hard to attract people to a city if each subdivision has one or two places that look like redneck heaven.
If your neighbour is violating bylaws (and if this were a Canadian subdivision he most definitely would) then simply file a complaint with the proper authorities.
Of course, you could always wait for natural selection to weed him out. One of my idiot neighbours was boorish, rude, filthy, and drunk most of the time, and it only took him about a month or so to burn down his own house (he escaped unharmed, no I wouldn’t wish fiery death on anyone).
Ahhh, Darwin was right…
Are you sure he burned down his house?
Arson is the best way to bring property values up!
The thought did cross my mind, but consarnit, couldn’t find my matches anywhere… 
Is he doing anything illegal that you could rat him out for?
[sub]
Okay, here’s my two cents:
Aside from the howling dog, what right have you to say A SINGLE GODDAMN WORD about how this person chooses to live his life or keep his yard? You may not like him, fine. Rednecks crawl up my ass, too. But that’s his house and he has just as much right to do with it what he chooses as you do.
Back when I lived in a small town, my family wasn’t interested in keeping up with the water-your-lawn/fertilize-your-lawn/mow-your-lawn rat race. This was the middle of a desert! (Eastern Washington) That water has better uses! And the neighbors were constantly on our case for “reducing property values”, like we were morally obligated to make THEM money.
My opinion: If I want to get drunk in my own backyard, that’s why I have a backyard. Would you rather I was on the street? If I want to work on a progect that requires outdoor space, whether it be a junk car or my friend’s beautiful ironwork tracery, who are you to tell me that I can’t do it in my yard? Or to say I haven’t worked on it enough to justify the eyesore?
I sympathise about the dog, that’s invading your space and losing sleep for you. I’m sorry if his abusive behavior gets on your nerves, but if you were really concerned, you’d be calling the cops, not fantasizing about burning his house down. Other than that, he has as much right to be a drunken, sloppy, pig-stupid jerk in his own home as you do. And you have every right to completely dislike him, I probably would too. But this “Oh my God, there goes the neighborhood” attitude when someone not up to your particular standards shows up gets up my nose. Think about how often that stance has been used to justify every kind of bigotry.
I lived next door to one of these clowns-I sympathise with you! This guy kept all kinds of junk in his yard, and had two hunting dogs which were kept under appaling circumstsnces. I used to sneak out and feed/water these poor animals, who would be kept tied up for days on end. I was so sorry for this man’s children, they were poor, and I felt bad every time I saw this guy come home from work, bellowing at his wife (most of the time he was drunk). Pretty sad, but most towns will not do a thing about what you describe. If you complain to the police, YOU will become the guilty party. About the only thing you can do is ask the local board of health to file a complaint-I’m not kidding-this damn fool had old tires inhis backyard-perfect breeding grounds for mosquitos. Just what you need-west nile viruses next door!
I have to agree with you. I like to work on old cars, and motorcycles. My yard can look a bit junky at times. I really think a lot of this worlds problems could be solved if people would just mind thier own buisiness and not worry about the neighbors.
There was a guy here in texas that built an unattached garage next to his house. The thing nicely built, matched his house, and was hardley an eyesore. The local neighborhood association sued him because it was a few feet to big or some such nonsense. In retaliation, he painted his wood fence all kinds of bright colors, and did other legal things to make his property the bigest eysore in the hood. In the article he said he was going to start up next with lawn sculptures, and rocks. Not litlle atractive rocks, but big ugly ones.
Sounded like a good idea to me.
I don’t have anything to add except to second the recommendantions above that you call the local zoning and code enforcement departments, plus maybe animal control. Getting hounded by the local bureaucracy is never pleasant, and might force the buttwipe to clean up his act a bit.
What I really wanted to add, though, is this pearl of wisdom from P.J. O’Rourke’s mother: “Nobody’s too poor to clean up their own yard.” From Parliament of Whores, I think.
I have no problem with anyone doing whatever they want on their property, if it doesn’t hurt anyone else, as long as they live somewhere that doesn’t have specific rules against that kind of crap.
I live in a gated community with a homeowners association. We have rules out the wazoo. Your central air box can’t be visible from the road, your yard has to be landscaped, you can’t leave your trashcan out (has to be in the garage unless it’s trash day), you have to ask permission to change the color of your house, no tropical plants, all houses must be brick and a certain square footage…etc., etc., etc. A lot of people hate this kind of neighborhood and wouldn’t be able to stand to live by so many rules. Fine…don’t live here!!!
We have one family in the neighborhood who can’t manage to abide by half the rules. Their house looks like a junk heap. I live in this neighborhood and pay my outrageous homeowners association fee because I want to live in a neighborhood that’s nice and neat and tidy. If this family does not want to live by rules designed to keep the neighborhood nice and neat and tidy, they need to get the hell out. The rules were here before they moved in and everyone’s given a copy of the guide before contracts are signed. No excuses. (By the way, the architectural review board fined them $50 a day for a godawful fountain they put in their front yard. They finally removed it when the bill got up to $1500.)
It’s the same with the guy in Texas that bdgr mentioned who was fined by the board for breaking the rules, so retaliated by making his house even more of an eyesore. If he doesn’t want to have to abide by rules, he should live somewhere that doesn’t have them.
One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
I used to live in a condo community of townhouses. There was always the Eternal Board Member/Neighbor who lived for skulking around the common areas at 11:30 pm ( oh no, I kid you not ) taking notes and POLAROIDS !!! This continued until a neighbor got fed up with it and called the State Police. Seems that even when standing on Common Property you do not have the right to invade a person’s private home space by photographing their homes THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOWS. ( Me, the cameraman, I figured all they’d ever get was a Polaroid full of reflected flash lighting, but it’s the principal of the thing).
We were renters, we played by their rules and when we were able to buy, we sure as shit didn’t buy there. My next door neighbor is a professional landscaper. Talk about pressure. Upside? His grounds are immaculate. Downside? I’ve got diesel backhoes warming up at 5:25am during the summer, 40 feet from my dining room window. I let it go because I chose to. I could have his life turned into hell- he runs his business out of his driveway. Live and let live. About 90% of what he does has no impact on me. I can live with that ten percent.
He’s never remarked on my singular LACK of formal foliage or gardening. Me, of the Black Thumb Brigade. For that, I forgive the 10 percent.
Noisy dogs? Call the police. Period. People who love the sound of their dog screaming in distress at both 6:00am and 11:15pm ( and, we have one RIGHT now two houses down who has had this fucking dog now for about 6 weeks) have no concept of what it is to have to listen to that poor dog and be unable to help it. Fortunately, I can SEE the dog clearly from my bedroom window, and will videotape it enough times to prove that it’s not an isolated incident.
Cartooniverse
To the dissenting opinion posters: You do have a good point, maybe I didn’t paint a sufficiently detailed picture. I also rebuild cars & bikes, am frequently covered in black oil and have transmissions laying in the driveway - but only while I’m working. I am on the side of practical people doing useful work and saving tons of money by not paying useless “trained mechanics” $60 an hour. Leaving the car parts all over the yard is not good repair practice though.
His other annoying habits - allowing his 14 year-old to ride a motorcycle (yes, I’m a biker) up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down for three and a half hours non-stop each Sunday afternoon. This would piss off even the toughest Harley addict.
Having said that, the real problem is the dogs, not the vehicles. I think “there goes the neighorhood” is entirely defensible from the other home owners who at least make an effort. Do you listening to dogs howl continuously from 3 to 5 am every night? Buying a home and living in it is a big investment in time and money for families, it’s not reasonable for the one trashy household to undermine that to the extent this asshole does.
He has dogs penned up 24/7/365 and all he does is feed them and yell at them. He doesn’t need them or want them, but inflicts their noise on everyone around him. The dogs are having a shitty (really) time, and would be much better off in a caring home. He blames his neigbors for the dogs barking because they own cats and the dogs bark at them! Hello??? Cause and effect confusion??? Even better, the local Animal Control people backed him up on that (to avoid having to take action). Now I know why it’s called “Buncombe County, NC”.
There’s no zoning here, so we’re on our own. I can only hope him and his trailer-trash family all dies horribly very soon, the dogs escape and are found soon after by someone who’ll look after them.
The noise thing is a differant story. You can choose not to look someones yard, if you don’t like, but something like the noise you talk about is intrusive, and unreasonable. Especially at night.
I’m not an attorney. I do remember covering the topic of “public nuisances” in a legal environment class I took one time however. Here’s a link to a definition which may help. http://www.lectlaw.com/def2/n025.htm This could very well be what you have living in the squaller next door. Check first to see if your city has any ordinances of minimum standards for property maintenance, if the neighbor is in violation, Report them. If that doesn’t work you might want to start talking to your other neighbors about taking the guy to court. From what I understand a public nuisance is determined by the subjective asssesment of the situation by the community, so you don’t need to worry about proving that your neighbor is breaking any specific rules. If you can go before a judge and demonstrate your Honyaak neighbor is a real detriment to the community atmosphere then the judge will probably tell him to clean up his act or pay a substantial fine.
There’s a guy like that in my neighborhood too. Fortunately he is a couple of blocks away from me so I am not affected but if I lived next to him he would be giving me fits. Now I read The Fountainhead when I was 15 and it changed my life so I am all for letting people live their own life * so long as it doesn’t affect someone else in a negative way *.
We’re not talking peeling paint and an unmowed lawn here. I could deal with that. We’re talking a washing machine in the garage the drains directly down the driveway and into the street. We’re talking kids toys left on the fucking sidewalk. We’re talking a dripping cement mixer parked in his driveway that extends across the public sidewalk. We’re talking a swing hanging from a tree over the sidewalk at head level. We’re talking a beautiful dog chained up on a 2 foot lead in the front yard without a waterdish or shade. You get the picture.
The neighbors near him were able to get him to clean up his act after years of trying. They all individually filed suit against him in small claims court for the maximum amount. I don’t know exactly what the basis of the suits was but I do know that it worked, somewhat. His house is still the worst one in the area but it is not the unmittigated shit box that it once was.
Hajario