My new boss

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This isn’t going to the Pit because

  1. I’m not planning on a lot of cussing,
  2. while I’m going to explain some nasty behavior, I’m not so much complaining about the idiot in question as curious as to why she may be like that and whether anybody thinks me and my coworkers can do anything to housebreak her.

OK. My boss never went to Kindergarten. You know that book, “everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten” or something like that? It’s by a Robert Fulghum.

If the boss went to kindergarten, she must have been sick on the days when they explained “play fair” (she keeps trying to trip us into looking bad in front of our bosses and of the customers; keeps falling flat on her nose), “don’t hit people” (she actually hit one of my coworkers yesterday; she also likes to threaten people), “return things to the place from where you got them”, “don’t take what’s not yours” (we share an office and she keeps putting the common items as far from me as the laws of physics will allow), “say sorry when you hurt someone” (whenever she insults someone and the someone asks her to cut it out, she tells him he shouldn’t be so sensitive, only the words she uses aren’t so printable).

Ever since she arrived, she’s been trying to figure out who’s on “the other side” - apparently she can’t understand the notion of “we’re all on the same side here”. She seems to have decided I’m “the other side’s leader”, after her last failed attempt to make me look bad backfired so badly it almost blew her head off. I’m ok with that, I just hate it when he attacks my co-workers for talking to me: you can attack me all you want, but if you touch one hair of either my mates or my work, you’re in worse trouble than you ever wanted to buy.

She’s extremely competitive and very ambitious; I think the first evaluation she does of a person is “how is this person a threat to me” and the second one “how can I use this person”. With me she waffles between trying to scare me (try again, hunny, but it won’t work anyway) and trying to convince me that if I butter her up she can help my prospects (butterin’ is something I do to pans when I bake, I don’t do it to people). She thinks that “proactive” means “someone who looks wide-eyed at the boss and nods a lot”.

She’s also my roommate: we’re consultants on location. She doesn’t tell me in advance when she’s going to leave on a trip; she doesn’t tell me (or any of us) when will she come back. In Spain it’s customary to invite your workmates to a little something on your birthday: she hasn’t even mentioned hers (we saw it on her driver’s license). She locks her room but comes into ours without knocking (the other two people in the team are guys).

So, basically, she’s stupid, overambitious, paranoid and a general pain in that spot where the back meets the legs; thing is, I think she may still be young enough to learn before she hurts herself and others seriously, and I don’t think she’s as stupid as she seems to think she must act. We’re trying to keep her from hurting the project as much as possible, to protect ourselves, the company and the customer; we do our best to respond to her in a level voice, to sound cheerful even when we’d like to ask her whether she’s had her pills for today, to prop each other up and deliver the best possible service in spite of her interference… but I wonder: anybody here has any ideas that might help housebreak the little idiot? :rolleyes:

2

Does she have a boss? If she’s actually HITTING people, Jesus Christ, that’s fucking assault.

Go to HR.

3

I thought I’d mentioned this, but apparently I didn’t:

boss is 25. She got marked as “team leader” because when a team is made up of all-new hires, the big boss likes to try the eldest first, and in the list he got she was mistakenly marked as 45. We believe she’s only worked as a consultant, while the rest of us all have “real work” experience (yes, consulting is real work, hey I do it and I know it doesn’t do itself, but you guys know what I mean).

4

Yes, she does have a boss. Three bosses, actually. The bosses haven’t heard of the blow yet, but they’ve been getting enough bad reports and seeing enough strange things that we’ve been told we’re all going in for individual and team meetings when we go home for Xmas vacation.

I just heard the guys trying to start a bet on when is she getting fired, but both of them were betting on “within the 6-month trial period”, so no bet.

5

If she’s hitting people, why start with HR? Why make an assault complaint to the Police? This is a criminal matter.

6

She sounds like the sort who thinks you have to stomp on toes and force people into submission to get them to accept your authority. Document, document, document. CYA. Date/initial any log you make, and give details. (Obviously, don’t let her see or know you’re keeping a log of such things.) I’d watch my stuff like a hawk while sharing lodgings with her too. Is there anyone connected to your company’s HR that you can talk to soonest? I’d do so, and get your mates and the one she hit to go too. She’s creating a hostile work environment, by walking in on males in their hotel room without knocking, she’s pretty well sexually harassing them, by hitting that person she committed assault. Drop the dime now, including the bombshell about her age. I might also second calling the police, IF it won’t put your project in danger by doing so. Good luck, keep us updated on how this comes out. I’d be careful about admitting you know her age, unless you have a legitimate way you know. (Peeking at her license doesn’t count, unless she left it out in the open.) I’d mention that too if you came across the information in an innocent way. Do you think she lied about her age to get the job?

7

Thanks guys :slight_smile:

I know she didn’t lie, it was a typing mistake by one of the office girls; boss’ resume has enough jobs on it that it might belong to someone more experienced who is listing only the last few jobs and I’m always surprised by how few hiring managers look at things like “date of graduation” (well, duh).

When one of the big bosses mentioned that he was surprised he was getting so many reports of immature behavior (including some incredibly whiny letters the female big boss got), he would have expected better of someone who’s 45, the office girl exclaimed “oh, but she’s not!” He told one of the guys that from now on, he’s not setting a new hire as team leader until he’s seen some form of picture ID - preferably not a University ID.

Can’t call the police, the scandal of it could hurt the customer. Big name in a very little pond. But the bosses have been told.

The only valuables I have which are not on me or in my handbag at all times are a few CDs and my clothes. We share a small apartment, thanks Og I don’t sleep in the same room with her!

Seeing her license was perfectly honest: I saw it in the rent-a-car place, when we set her up as additional driver (I’m driver 1) and she gave it to me to pass to the rent-a-car worker. I had to point out to him all the different bits he needed to write down, and DoB is right over “ID number”.

We expect to be rid of her at some close-ish point, but I repeat:

anybody has any ideas about how to housetrain this kind of idiot “from below”? I’ve had to housetrain some inflated morons before, but it was “from above”. I’m a universal mommy kind of person, I’ll feel bad about hoisting her on the next set of unsuspecting victims without at least trying to do something.

Of course, it probably won’t be anything chocolate can’t cure :smiley:

8

Have you tried that strange but old-fashioned concept of sitting down with her and explaining to her why everyone is having such difficulties working with/for her? Pointing out to her that it’s not her vs. everyone else, it’s a team? Telling her point-blank that she’s dealing with people with a lot of experience who see through her games and are not amused by them or swayed by them, but would be happy to help her learn to move beyojnd them? Letting her know that her management has their eyes on her because of her poor performance, but her underlings as a group would be happy to help her out with some of the things you’ve seen that are problems for her? Pointing out that you’re aware she got the job through a clerical mistake, and that while everyone realizes she’s not up to it by the way she’s acting, the rest of you would be happy to help her learn how to be up to it?

It can’t hurt. Of course, she might just blow it off, but she needs to be told straight out that she’s not fooling anybody but herself, and is on the fast track to eviction if she doesn’t change her ways. She may be your boss, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be told that she’s screwing herself royally, but that there’s a group of people available to help her not get fired.

Oh, and I recommend a lock for your room. To keep locked at all times. Just to let her know you don’t appreciate her walking in. Either that or next time she might walk in, be in the altogether, and be prepared with a camera to catch her expression. :smiley:

9

If it were me, and it were a particularily busy time the next time she tried to pull her bullshit, I’d tell her straight out to knock it off. I’d tell her I don’t put up with such treatment, and that in fact, proactive is not the same as being a mindless yes person. I’d tell her I won’t be her yes person, that I couldn’t do my job if I was, and I’m not going to risk my job just to keep a tempermental immature person feeling like they have control. I’d tell her that she doesn’t need to tear a person down and cow them to be in authority, and that all she’s breeding is justified resentment. You could probably take my words, tone them down a bit and sit her down and tell her those things too though.

10

When I have had a difficult (sometimes insane) boss, I have found the best way to deal with them is to pick a fight. Not just any fight, mind you, but a fight where you are obviously in the right. What you don’t want to do is to explode over some minor thing that is just “the last straw”. A boss like the one that you describe that will inevitably cross a big line.

Wait for it.

Have something prepared (i’m talking words here, by the way, no loaded firearms). If you can pull it off, a barely controlled rage is what you want. No cursing, no personal insults. Just the barest hint that you might be even more insane than she and that you are thoroughly outraged that she would even *think *to treat you in that manner. Have your say and make an exit. Don’t get drawn into a shouting match. Generally, this is best done in private. You want the person to switch gears in her treatment of you and still be able to save face. However, it can sometimes be more effective if done in public.