Alphagene Enterprises, with generous endowments from the Gizmonics Institute and the Mom Corporation, would like to propose the creation of a hypothetical new cable network with high-quality defunct series that were too hip for the masses, but deeply appeciated by smaller clusters of hipsters and wackos.
Our network’s unholy legion of retained lawyers, negotiatiors and planetjackers will be able to break contracts and nullify any legal restraints from keeping these reruns from being shown on another channel.
What’s in the lineup so far?
Turn your crank to TV’s Mystery Science Theater 3000! It will be shown at a time when people without severe sleep disorders can enjoy bad sci-fi and obsolete educational shorts. And it won’t be cut up into hour long segments. It’s huge!
Invader Zim will once again proudly march in its radioactive rubber pants thanks to our vision. The thought of this show having to share airtime with any Rugrat clone causes us to make little sicky noises. Obey the fist!
We will once again consider who actually does prostitute laundry with the triumphant return of late night’s favorite apparel Sifl and Olly. Chester has agreed to appear again on the show, now that his contract includes 400 free passes to the zoo.
Good news, everyone! Bender’s shiny metal ass will always have a home. While the Futurama isn’t quite dead yet, you’d have to be under the spell of a brain slug or hypnotoad to think Fox would be above it.
On a more dramatic note, we can all resume shooting mental daggers at Kellerman and Barnfather when Homicide: Life on the Streets is brought back to the airwaves. Enjoy the heavy acting work taken on by Andre Brauer and continue to have dirty thoughts about Michelle Forbes and the autopsy tables.
We are currently accepting suggestions for other good shows that have been cancelled or dangerously close to being so. Perhaps ideas for a weekly movie. We are also accepting submissions for what to name our network.
And keep in mind that while many serious sci-fi epics have a degree of cult status, we’re not loading up on Bablyon 5 type crap. Our target audience gets laid. This ain’t the Sci-Fi network. And you’ll thank us for that.
Anyone care to help out with this noble cause?
