I’m not much of a prayer person. Not particularly religious, and not even sure what I believe.
Still, if someone tells me they will pray for me, I don’t get offended. I figure, that is what is meaningful to them, and it is that person’s way of sending me the best wishes they can.
My mom, however, says something every once in a while that really gets under my skin. If I get rewarded at work, or if my husband gets an interview, or if there is some other type of significant accomplishment, she will say, “Oh, God has heard my prayers for you!”
And I wonder, why can’t it actually be a reflection of* my* hard work, or his hard work, or something, rather than your prayers to some being I don’t even really know if I believe in? When I do something that she considers a screw up, I never hear her ask why God has ignored her prayers or wishes. So why does God get the credit when something goes well?
Am I the only one who gets offended by such a thing? I admit that it could be so, given that I do tend to take things my mother says the wrong way a lot. But I’d like to hear from others, just to measure the relative thinness of my skin.
I’d be very surprised if you were the only one offended by that sort of comment.
My gut instinct reaction to the title question is “it depends on what the prayer was for”. If you went to the doctor to have a lump biopsied, and the doctor said it wasn’t cancer, and someone said “My prayers for you have been answered”, the best response from you would probably be “Thank you”, even if you doubt that God intervened in the situation.
On the other hand, the assumption that anything good is the direct intervention of God, but anything bad isn’t, can be offensive. I see this especially with athletes who praise God or Jesus for every touchdown, but don’t pass blame for every fumble.
For a particular instance relating to me where the announcement of prayers on my behalf was annoying if not offensive, I had a job interview in the fall. A large number of people told me that they were praying for me. I told all of them “Thank you, I can use all the good wishes I can get” (I am a Christian. However, I’m a little uncomfortable with asking people to pray that I get a particular job as opposed to prayer that I would find the job which God would want me to have.)
One lady did not appreciate my response, and informed me that her prayers were much more that mere “good wishes”. She all but told me that all I needed to get the job was her praying that I would. (Or maybe it was my faith that her prayers would be answered in the affirmative which I needed to get the job. At any rate, I didn’t get the job. In fact, I’m still hunting, but the reasons are complicated, and not related to my religious beliefs)
I suppose the only advice I can offer is, take such comments in the spirit that the speaker intended.
If a friend or relative of a faith you don’t share offers prayers on your behalf, you should probably just say “Thank you” and leave it at that. It’s USUALLY silly to get worked up over such things, just as it would be for an atheist to snap at people who say “God bless you” when he sneezes. If you KNOW the person meant well, accept good wishes at face value.
I’d only condone an angry response if the person in question is constantly hectoring you or badgering you to subscribe to his/her faith even after you’ve made it clear you aren’t interested.
Since this is your mom, have you spoken to her about your feelings on the subject in a non confrontational way, of course? She really might not have a clue that this habit gets under your skin. I find people can be pretty oblivious to things like that.
/hijack
Eureka: I am a Christian. However, I’m a little uncomfortable with asking people to pray that I get a particular job as opposed to prayer that I would find the job which God would want me to have.
This is one of the big “Christian family” squabbles. Do we pray for specifics (and confuse God with Santa Claus) or do we pray for his Will?
Maybe your mom is just praying for good things in general to happen to you. If you get recognized for an accomplishment at work, then that is a good thing and God has answered her prayers.
Well, as I said, I don’t get offended at all by the offering of prayers. I know that that is her way of wanting the best for me. But like Eureka said, it’s the assumption that events which are generally merit-based (a touchdown, a job offer, etc) is the direct intervention of God that bugs me.
All told, I know that this is a relatively small thing. I haven’t mentioned it to her because it would hurt her feelings and I know that, as others have said, I should just take it in the spirit in which it is intended.
I was genuinely curious about others’ reactions to similar circumstances as well.
I know the path that I’m on, and it isn’t a Christian one. That said – I believe that Christians are part of the greater whole which I do believe in. If they have been hoping for good things to happen to me, and vocalising this in prayer, that’s still a good thing. Some Christians don’t realise yet, but they’re talking to the self same forces I believe in.
So, no. Not offended. Touched that they cared enough to go to the trouble.
Yes, that’s the point I keep trying to make! * Offering *prayers is a very sweet thing—it says that the person really wants good things (or the avoidance of bad things) for me. The part I was getting offended by (and now I realize that it is needlessly so) is that there is not any mention of good things happening because I might have worked hard or performed well.
/hijack
I’m an atheist and I say “bless you” when people sneeze.
/hijack
I understand completely where you are coming from. And precisely one of the reasons I dislike religion, it really seems the screw ups are your fault and god gets credit for the good stuff. I pretty much always want to respond to that type of comment by saying " god gave me the raw materials to accomplish x, but my hard work made it possible." Because really, does anyone honestly think that jesus allowed you to make it through an intersection? How personally demeaning it must be to believe nothing is because of your hardwork, perseverance, dedication, ingenuity, compassion, etc.
The flip side of this is not only is your mom taking credit away from you to give to god, any credit that might POSSIBLY be left over, is taken for herself. I guess if you live in that kind of world, you try to get whatever you can. It is sad really. Be proud of what you accomplish, and feel sorry for your mom because she believes that not only can you not accomplish anything, neither can she.
Answer with “well, you know they say ‘God helps thoughs who help themselves.’” Takes back the credit.
I think its an offensive sentiment. I often answer with “yeah, I wish he would answer everyone’s prayers and not be so random.” I have a friend at work whose baby had cancer - but a form that almost always responds to treatment. As a parent, I’d worry. As someone who doesn’t believe in prayers, I’d pray. But they are giving all the credit to God, which, since I have another friend who lost their baby to some neurological issue and they all prayed just as hard, but the disease wasn’t one that responded to treatment, doesn’t really seem fair.
I would be offended by it. It’s not my nature to be so, but it’s just my response now to being worn down by it so much over the years. It annoys me that their prayers helped me find a replacement part for our tractor but they didn’t save my friend from dying of breast cancer at 34.
“God bless you” annoys me no end nowadays, too. When the Religious Education “teachers” at work end whatever conversation you are having with them with a little “god bless you”, I politely remind them that in my school, I do not need god’s blessing, rather he needs mine. It’s mean, I know, but I’m just so tired of them aauming their god has any relevance to me.
Not being religious you attribute everything you gain to something you did to earn it. Right on. Thats fine and proper for you.
Being religious I thank God for giving me the ability and strength to do the things properly and to his will… I still earned them, but I thank God for helping me.
If I pray for someone I pray for a specific event and then I pray for Gods will in that event because as always, we cant guage Gods will or what trials one must endure for Gods plan in our life. But I believe it is always for the greater good… if I can see it or not.
So in your moms thinking… maybe its not so much that God specificly answered her but maybe she thinks that through prayer he helped guide and focus…
I guess its not something a non believer can even attribute as real and viable.
LOL so I just came 360 degrees… well I never claimed to be a theologean or evangelist…
I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. Maybe she prays that your hard work will be recognised and rewarded, that your commitment and contribution to your job will be noticed. Taking offence because people hope good things will come your way because you’re concerned that they are giving the credit to a force you don’t believe in is quite a “glass half empty” view of the situation. The important thing is that she cares enough to spend time reflecting on how much she would like to see you succeed and she’s pleased when that happens for you, and feels in some way that she contributed.
