Because I may be a Godless terrorist-hugging liberal who hates America but I still want to do my part.
I keep hearing that the only reason that we’re losing in Iraq is because GthlwhA’s like myself are being defeatist. We’re not losing because we’re actually losing; we’re losing because we’re saying we’re losing. Actual losing is for other countries - God is an American citizen so He won’t let us lose a war unless we lose faith in Him and His divinely appointed leaders.
Now I’ll admit I don’t understand how my belief has any effect on the events happening thousands of miles away. But I didn’t understand how clapping my hands together would save Tinkerbell either and that seemed to work. And unlike those other plans which are putting Americans at risk of being killed, this one seems like one we can afford to experiment on.
Conservatives will tell you that the majority of Americans agree with them. It’s only a few hold-outs like Hollywood and here where a handful of liberals are holding up American victory be their disbelief. So we can turn this whole thing around by acting here - and then we can pin the blame on those suckers in Hollywood.
So for the next two weeks I want everyone here to believe. Anytime you find yourself thinking about the war in Iraq, I want you to stop thinking - thinking is wrong. You have to believe. Just repeat the following lines in your head until the thoughts fade away:
*We are winning the war in Iraq.
Iraq is a peaceful place filled with happy people.
Invading Iraq was a good idea that solved many problems.
Everybody loves Americans because we are perfect.
Terrorists, like bears, are more afraid of us than we are of them.
George Bush is a great leader and a stud with the ladies.
Lower capital gains taxes would solve all our problems.
I figure we give this two weeks and we’ll see measurable results in the field.
I’m putting this is the BBQ Pit because I figure there’s going to be a few malcontents who won’t get with the program. If this doesn’t work, it’s all your fault.