my racist rant of the day

some of my impressions of the ethnicities/cultures of the world (speaking of the collective, never individuals):

anglo-americans: very open and friendly people
mexicans: hard, reliable workers
jews: amazing academics
arabs: very nice people in general, make excellent food
african americans: make great music, very good at sports; very hospitable folks
germans: one word - punctual
russians: gentle people,always with a smile
irish: great sense of humor

sorry for the stereotyping!


South Americans: fragrant
Micronesians: itchy but kind hearted
Estonians: piquant
Inuit: scrumdiddlyumptious
Sebs: tintinnabulous
East St. Louisians: archetypal

I apologize for the stereotyping, but you know how it is with us bearded guys!

Very half-hearted.

Okay, you know what, I’m just going to go ahead and hijack this thread right now.

I have a couple of chicken breasts sitting in the freezer tonight, what can I do with them for dinner?

On more than one occasionI have been told here at the SDMB, with absolute seriousness, that each of your examples is indeed racist and should not be tolerated.

I am black (I refuse to use the term African-American: too many fucking syllables). I have a tin ear, don’t play sports (though I boxed when younger), and am on record as hating everyone in general and the people of Wales in particular.

I know you’ll come back and say, “But, Skaldirimus! I only wrote good things about you and your folk! Surely you can’t call that racist, just because they don’t apply to you.”

Yes, I can. By asserting that certain traits are strongly associated with a person’s “race,” you are attempting to backdoor justify claims that other traits–negative ones – are also overwhelmingly associated with persons of a given “race.” It fools no one.

Your confusion saddens me, so I have sent a couple of minions over to solve your problem by confiscating the chicken breasts, along with whatever cash, jewelry, and sensitive intelligence you may have lying around.

I’m guessing that some of your best friends are black.

I’m making the new Cook’s Illustrated chicken pot pie with a crumble crust!

you’d be wrong most are actually of russian and asian (japanese to be specific) heritage , why?


[quote=“Skald_the_Rhymer, post:6, topic:553334”]

[QUOTE=scamartistry;12900529Your confusion saddens me, so I have sent a couple of minions over to solve your problem by confiscating the chicken breasts, along with whatever cash, jewelry, and sensitive intelligence you may have lying around.[/QUOTE]

If the minions feel like dropping any jewelry as they pass over Kansas City, well, I’m here for them…

They may, as they are remarkably incompetent as minions go. That slacker who genetically engineered them should be shot.

Assuming you’re not just fucking around, “my best friends are black” is an allusion to a sort of statement frequently made by racists and/or anti-semites.

Don’t get all PC about it. I’m just telling it like it is.

Jews: I have yet to know one who didn’t eat soap and then lie about it when caught, but every one of them knows how to reboot a computer with their mind alone.

African-Americans: Extremely flammable people but with near encyclopedic knowledge of berries and marsupials; terrified of batteries and jade plants.

Lithuanians: Biologically incapable of of reproducing unless the female is first allowed to spray a Polynesian or Icelandic brought in as a teaser. Prone to flatulence but natural born violinists every one of them.

Poles: Have you never known a single Pole who would not try to twist every conversation into being about cabbage? Good yodelers though.

Canadians: Let them catch you in bed with their 14 year old daughters and they’ll pat you on the back and call you “son” while they fix your breakfast, but so much as look sideways at one of their snowmobiles or say anything unflattering about their postal system and they’ll rip your tongue out through your ear.

Scandinavians: not actually a race or ethnic group but just a bunch of people who won’t admit to being German. Have nipples the size of the period at the end of this sentence and navels the size of pancakes but capable of emitting sounds that can shatter the skulls of their enemies.

English: very prone to cannibalism and false allegations of being sexually molested, but wonderful dancers and gifted metaphysicians.

Guatemalans: sexual morals of a dachshund bitch in heat, only one man in every twenty straight, but the gay ones are invariably the best you’ll ever meet at birdcalls and long distance jumping. The women often eat their young when spooked but they can make leftover baloney and Velveeta and random herbs into a quesadilla that would make you disembowel your guide dog to have another bite.

Then get with the game and get some fucking Mexican minions already. I hear they make great workers.

Uh, that was directed at Skald. You people are fast typers. And by you people, I mean… well, you know.


Anyway, I cannot use Mexican minions for various complicated reasons that don’t concern you. Stupid Aztec curse.

This is why you are the greatest of us.

Tell that to my great-grandparents.

NOT that I agree with any of the stereotypes above (speaking of which and also of hijacks, any y’all seen Friday Night Lights, the show? OMG, so many stereotypes. Yet I am constantly choking back a tear. Why oh why does the large black woman who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders but loves her running-back son so much even when she yells at him for giving her lip and ignoring her down-home wisdom and fried chicken, why oh why does she make a tear come to my eye every time she cheers her son on for getting a touchdown? Sometimes I hate myself) but I am familiar with most of them. And this is the only time I’ve heard of Russians as being kind and gentle. Usually the stereotype of them is all Boris and Natasha.