My Scotsman is tough as nails. Or, Goddamn, that came out of your weiner!?

A couple weeks ago, my hubby started having pain in his back, coming around to his abdomen. I just knew from his description that he had a kidney stone. The thing is, he’s due to get insurance through his work after his 60 day probationary period, which is this Saturday. He also didn’t want to take time off work because he doesn’t want to tarnish his perfect work record with his new employer. For the past couple weeks, he’s been doing 10 hour shifts… bending, lifting, twisting and the like- he’s in manufacturing.

The only kind of treatment he’s had since this started is massages with Ben Gay, lots of water, a heating pad, and some Darvocet I had on hand. (yeah, yeah… don’t gripe about me sharing my drugs. I know it’s a no-no.)

He said his back pain was gone a couple days ago, but he felt like he was peeing razor blades. Again, I begged to take him to the Hospital for the Poor and Uninsured. And again, no dice. He said he wasn’t in agony, and furthermore, he would wait until he got insurance.

So this morning, I’m sitting here reading the Dope when he gets up to take his morning pee.

Him: “Oi! Holly!”
Me: “What, sweetie?”
Him: “I’ve just passed a kidney stone!”
Me: <rushes into see it> “Get the tongs. We have to retrieve it.”
Him: <confused puppy look>
Me: “I have to take it to the doc’s office so it will be analyzed!”
Him: <leaves room, comes back and attempts to hand me the tongs>
Me: “Well I’m not pulling it out! It’s your stone.”

So he carefully pinched out the stone with the tongs, and placed it in the sandwich bag I held open. I must say, I’m in awe of my Scotsman. He had this jagged hunk of crystallized minerals moving through his ureter and his urethra and all he wanted was a damned back rub and a couple Darvocet?! I know lots of people who’ve been in the same situation and they have either prayed for death or said the pain was worse than childbirth.

Some years ago, I worked at a medical reference lab. I’ve seen all sorts of kidney stones come in for analysis. Huge ones that were extracted via surgery, tiny ones resembling the smallest grains of sand… And lots that were in between. My hubby’s stone wasn’t huge, but it was by no means small. And as I sit here looking at it, I am truly impressed by his tolerance for pain. At the same time, I’m horrified that he could dismiss it and not seek medical attention. For god’s sake, he’d probably assume he had gas if he’s really having a heart attack.

I told him that after his insurance is in full effect, he will go see the doctor and get everything checked out. Even the dreaded prostate exam (which he swears will never happen). I also told him that he most likely has more stones in his kidney, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. And he will be treated for them, come hell or high water. Even if I have to force him.

How in the world can someone squeeze a jagged piece of rock THROUGH THEIR COCK and still be afraid of a doctor’s gloved finger in their patookus, when it’s smaller than what the patookus was designed for?!

ICEBERG? OH, did you really say that to him? :eek:

I hate to say it matt, but he has issues with any activity that involves ass. The couple times we tried anal, he said later that it “felt gay.” And I’m his fricken wife. :rolleyes:

I know it’s trite, but I’ll give you the usual disclaimer that he (or I) don’t have any issues with gay dudes, and we have gay friends (you’ve heard this countless times before). He’s just totally closed-minded when it comes to bung holes, mainly his own.

Celyn- I can and will use any scare tactics to keep him healthy. He’s sixteen years older than me, so I gotta do whatever it takes to get at least a good thirty years out of him.

Hey, I’ve been there, and it’s pretty weird, though mostly as an idea, not the feeling in itself. I’ve had to have something like that done when I was 10, by a 50-ish bearded guy (my doctor).

Offer him a one-way street sign tattoo as a reward. :smiley:

Age 10? If you don’t mind my asking, why?

I just wanted to check in to say that I didn’t know I could cringe that hard.

Yeeeeeeeeowwwwww!

I hope he’s alright.

He said the razor blades are gone and he feels perfectly fine now. Went to work as usual.

I just talked to my best friend, and he’s going to bring over his pocket microscope. We must examine the stone thouroughly ourselves… you know, in the name of science. If my webcam weren’t so crappy, I’d post a pic of the stone next to a dime for all to view.

I had some bad unexplainable cramps and it needed to be checked out if there was anything causing them. He couldn’t find anything so the search was … eh … fairly extensive. :rolleyes:

I stand in total awe!

Having had a kidney stone myself, I can liken it to having a nail driven into your lower back. Absolutely agonizing.

However, I gotta ask, with him being a Scotsman and all - when it passed, did he yell, “FREEDOM!” ?

Sorry, I just couldn’t let that one go by.

You need to print up a t-shirt that reads:

Has Issues With Bungholes.
:slight_smile:

I have to say I am impressed with his pain tolerance. I thought it was going to be a story about a scotsman who swallowed some nails on some drunken binge and then a couple of days later pissed them out of his wee-wee.

Now that’d be manly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOohhhhh!
another T-shirt you can make up is:

DO NOT USE TRADESMAN’S ENTRANCE

:::titter

Some of us are built really small back there and a mite squeamish about anything ignoring the “One Way/Go Back” sign tattooed on our keisters! :wink:

The last prostate exam I had – and it will be the last one, at least from that doctor – the man had normal size fingers when his hands were in front of me. But the moment he went to check for swollen prostate, I swear his fingers turned into something that belonged on John Holmes’s crotch! :eek:

Oh I wish I was a Scot-admirer’s weiner
That is what I’d truly like to be
Cuz if I was a Scot-admirer’s weiner
I’d shoot rocks and nails out with my pee

um, I don’t think it is his mind clamped totally shut…

But I agree that he needs to get a thorough exam, including the dreaded finger of death…

Oh god, you guys have me in tears! I was going to hide this thread from the Scotsman, but I think he won’t completely kill me when he sees your replies.

Like I told him as I examined the stone through the plastic baggie… “Damn, honey-- you’re a fucking STUD!”

Well, even if a finger is smaller than what the ass was designed for, it’s like a bicycle going the wrong way on a one-way street. Sure, it’s smaller than a car, but it still leads to disaster. :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t want to EVER see Polycarp, chaoticdonkey, or Arwin EVER complain about a female TMI thread. :eek:

:stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t complain about them, although I read them with great wonder.

“Lad, I don’t know where you’ve been, but I see you’ve won first prize!”

(Very tangentially related, I admit)