First of all, my parents are alive and well and will (hopefully live for many years to come), so this isn’t a dire issue.
My sister has always been a very selfish person when it comes to money. I remember when we were in our early teens, we went to the State Fair with my family. While there, we saw our aunt and uncle, who gave my sister a 20 dollar bill and said to share it with me. Well, later when I asked my sister about it, she casually said she’d lost the money. Being naive, I believed her. I now know that she pocketed the entire 20 bucks.
The above story is to let everyone know of the type of person she was and is to this day. My sister is a wonderful person in every way, except when it comes to money.
I called my sister over the holidays and we were chatting about everyday life. She mentioned my dads 100 acres of land and we discussed one day having it. My sister said “I’ll probably get everything of mom and dads when they go”, “you haven’t been around to help them in their old age and I have, so I deserve it”. Granted, I am 2,000 miles away, so I can’t just hop on a plane to come help them with things. However my mom and dad are not invalids at all. My dad is only 70 years old and still drives everywhere and even has a part time job. My mom is 63 and has a full time job.
Anyway, I didn’t know what to say to her after this statement.
Now, my sister is the type of person who will go to my mom and dad and ‘strongly’ suggest that they leave her everything and I want to make sure this doesn’t happen. Once I calm down, I’m going to call her back and have a serious discussion with her.
My question for my fellow dopers: Would a will be legal (in Missouri) if only one child was given the entire estate. Is there anything I can do to stop her from doing this? I know that (when the time comes) I could take her to court, but what would my chances be?? A will is a will. Anyone have any similar experiences?
Don’t talk to your sister, talk to your parents. They need to have a will, drawn up by a lawyer, that specifically outlines what they want to happen to their estate when they die. If your sister is able to convince them to leave everything to her then I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it. (Or should, IMO. They’re adults and can leave their stuff to whomever they want.)
This type of thing is very common. Oddly enough, your sister isn’t at fault except for being obnoxious and petty. The real responsibility lies with your parents and their will(s). They need to get an attorney to explain the conventions and the impacts weighed against their own judgment. Not having a will is extremely irresponsible and detrimental to the family’s stability after a parent passes. Once your parents have a solid will in place, you can just let your sister babble all she wants because it won’t get her far.
I definitely agree that it’s time to talk to your parents. Probably you should tell them what your sister said and ask them what their intentions are. Also ask them if they have any problems with you and how much you’ve been or not been around.
And keep this dialogue going. You don’t know what she’ll come up with next year. Your best protection is open communication with them.
I wonder if there should be another post about sneaky tricks that people have used to take all of the inheritence.
I’d like to add that many elderly parents are extremely reluctant to draw up wills when it comes to a division of estate planning between siblings. Twenty years ago I often visited my grandma in the nursing home. She had no will, and I foresaw a huge and ugly battle coming up between her three daughters, who all three of them are like the OP’s sister. I told Grandma she could save her kids a lot of fights if she arranged her affairs formally, in whatever way she liked, as long as she arranged anything. Anything. I pointed out she could keep her arrangements a secret, but that she needed to arrange something.
She, a rather passive lady, never did. After she died, her three daughters had the proverbial Estate Divide From Hell and a fall-out that lasted three years.
I’ve seen it done. That particular individual has managed to get all the money from the wealthy father’s estate, on the basis that his female siblings had all “married good men” so they didn’t need the money. If they didn’t need it because their husbands are good men…and he does “need” it, one wonders what he thinks that makes him. Anyway. It makes for horrible estrangements. Horrible.
I hope your parents will communicate about this with you.
I can briefly tell you about one case I worked on. A brother lived in town and a sister lived out of town. They were arguing over a trust after their mom died.
Mom had dementia before she died. Each kid was arguing separately with mom about who gets what and dragging her to separate attorneys to draft modifications so each would get their way upon her death.
This all came about when the sister came into town, stumbled onto some docs, and discovered that the brother had mom sign 100% over to him. Sister confronted mom and asked if that is what she had intended. Mom said no and that everything should be 50-50. So in came a new attorney.
The sister was trying to get everything back to a 50-50 split. Everyone was arguing over mental capacity, undue influence, etc. The brother argued that mom wanted him to have 100% because the sister had moved away and was not there for mom in her autumn days.
The case settled with the brother getting somewhat more than 50-50.
A friend of mine’s grandfather is rather wealthy, she guestimates him to be worth over $20 million. He’s got properties all over Minnesota, a few very well off businesses, and some partnerships with at least one of his son-in-laws. He didn’t have a will until recently. Like you they all approched him one day and told him that he HAS to have a will or the family will be torn apart emotionally and legally when he dies. They told him they don’t care how it’s split up, even if he wants to leave it all to one person but he has to do something, anything.
So, OP, tell your parents to get a will, don’t tell them how to split anything up*, just tell them they need to do it. Then, like others have said, sis can say whatever she wants and it won’t matter.
*If they ask your advice, maybe you should go and have a sitdown with your parents and your sister and discuss it then.
A will isn’t perfect protection, either: she can still sue, and even if it’s a lousy case, it’s an expensive PITA to deal with. I’d decide now how important this estate is to you–if push comes to shove, is your half worth more to you than your peace of mind and your relationship with your sister? There is no right answer to that question, but you need to know your own answer.
Actually, wouldn’t the OP be fine if they died intestate, in which case she would get 1/2 per stirpes?
Sure, there is no problem with bringing the topic up with the folks, but some aging parents get pissed about raising such topics. But I usually feel if you are uncertain about how to proceed, you can generally do worse than going with honesty.
And it sucks that it is so common for children to fight and strategize over what they see as their future interest in their parents’ property. Very, very common.
Unless you and your parents are estranged, I suspect it would be very unusual for them to completely disinherit one of 2 siblings. So make your concerns known to them, and then do your best to put it out of your mind, while you enjoy the time you have left with your folks as best you can.
Any attempt to contest this will negates eligibility as a beneficiary therein. (This is a great clause for loud relatives with cheap attorneys or vice versa)
The first thing that strikes me about your OP is that if your sister IS helping your parents with their day-to-day lives, she probably does deserve more of the estate than you do, rostfrei.
My second comment would be to echo what everyone else has said about family estrangements over wills/estates. When my dad died, he didn’t leave anything but a mess and a lot of debt; my sisters and I have what I thought were good relationships, and we still managed to get a lot of bitterness out of his death.
Third, talk to your parents. There have been some excellent suggestions here on how to broach it already.
Fourth, if your sister does manage to get everything, as bitter a pill to swallow as that would be, you haven’t lost anything, because nothing was yours to start with. Your parents could give everything away to a cat shelter if they wanted to.
I still think having a will is the best way to go. That way, probate can be avoided and some financial planning now could save on estate taxes later. Otherwise, the sister could tie everything up in courts for years and good lawyers are expensive.
Yeah, if Dad dies intestate, then sis only get half. Intestate succession is usually pretty clearly defined.
Some of the nastiest cases I ever saw were estate cases. Just because there is a will and/or a trust doesn’t mean that it won’t be fought over. I would say that estate cases are just as acrimonious as divorce cases if not more so.
One thing to note is that the cost of defending the lawsuit can come out of the estate so the executor/administrator can pay their bills from the estate and it comes off the top.
Some of the easiest estates I have seen were cases where the person died intestate. The law is usually pretty clear on how things are divided and once it was divided up and the proper paperwork was submitted, everything was peachy.
While you are at it, see if your parents will draw up Powers of Attorney that at least put you on jointly with your sister, so that she can not transfer assets over to herself in you parent’s later years.
You know, it might be a good idea as an adult child to talk to your parents and ask if they had done any estate planning Not necessarily for you, but to provide for themselves and minimize taxes whatever they want to do with their assets.
I know the tax laws have changed somewhat over the past decade, but it used to be that at a certain point, perhaps the most sensible thing for parents to do was get into the habit of giving away large sums of money to their kids and grandkids on a regular basis!
I mentioned estate planning to my parents as they were aging. Didn’t care if they cave it to us or charity, but didn’t see why they wanted so much to go to the government. When they refused to consider a will, I told them to never again complain about paying too much in taxes wile they were alive. When my mom died, my dad saw the error of their ways pretty quickly.
If there is anything of significance to you that you feel you must have, talk to your parents now. Most are willing to accommodate.
As for the rest, do yourself a favor and don’t concern yourself with it. If you get something, great. If not, well, it’s not like you’re losing out on anything. When my parents die I don’t care if they leave me nothing. It would certainly be a nice gesture, but I have no right to expect it so I put it out of my mind. So should you.
What Dinsdale said, particularly the “per stirpes” comment. I personally don’t have a will because I know what my state’s intestacy laws are. If I die without a will, my parents get all my stuff, because I have no spouse and no kids, and I’m okay with that.
One point of clarification:
Having a will doesn’t avoid probate in the U.S. A will is probated, just as the estate of someone who dies without a will is probated. One avoids probate through the use of something called a trust, and particularly a revocable living trust.