Another country heard from. According to a lawyer I had dealings with, it’s more likely that whichever parent dies first will leave everything to the surviving spouse. And if surviving spouse is capable, they will be the executor of the estate. If not, there will be another executor named to fufill the terms of the will. The assigned executor is also allowed to take a reasonable payment for the work involved.
Then it is incumbent upon the assigned executor if need be, to disperse of any items not assigned to family members or friends in the best fashion as to increase the monies available for the surviving spouse. The surviving spouse can of course delegate items or money as they see fit.
All monies left will go to the surviving spouse as needed for day to day living, future care, assisted living, etc. Then it is common for the surviving spouse to make their will where it will benefit other surviving family members. And here’s the big if… if there is any money, items or estate left afterwards.
There is usually a provision made for dispersal of money and items real and personal should both parents die at the same time.
It might not happen this way, just be prepared. But it is nice to know that the surviving parent would be taken care of for as long as possible.
Found this out when writing my will/PoA/living will thingie after getting married last year: In NY it is legal to disinherit a child. You can fight it if you’re not explicitly excluded, because you can claim that you were accidentally disinherited, but if the will was written to state flat-out that you don’t get anything… you’re SOL. Don’t know about Missouri, though.
I don’t feel entitled to any of my dad’s money. I wish he’d spend it all on himself but he won’t. Every time I come home for a holiday, he shows me where his will is, where his lawyer’s # is, and reassures me (even though I don’t ask) that the split between my brother and me is totally even. I hope that means the whole thing will not involve bickering over my dad’s money. It seems so morbid and wrong to fight over money that’s not yours, that’s supposed to be a gift from the person who died. YMMV, esp. if you don’t really like your sister.
Actually, what you have described confuses two very different approaches.
The first, leaving everything to the surviving spouse, means that whatever is left of the bequest when the surviving spouse dies goes to whomever is in her will.
The second, leaving a life interest (e.g. funds for day to day living, etc.) to the surviving spouse, means that whatever is left of the bequest when the survivng spouse dies goes as set out in the pre-deceased’s will.
For example, let’s say you have a child with Mr. Deep Pockets. He dies. In his will he leaves everything to you, and if you are dead, then everything to your daughter. You then marry Mr. Sponge. You make a will that leaves everything to him. You die. He gets whatever is left of your inheritance from Mr. Deep Pockets, and your daughter sucks eggs.
Now let’s change the scenario. Mr. Deep Pockets dies, but in his will he does not leave everything to you, but instead leaves you a life interest in everything to you, and if you are dead, then everything to your daughter. You then marry Mr. Sponge, and have a very nice lifestyle thanks to the money coming from Mr. Deep Pocket’s estate. You make a will that leaves everything to Mr. Sponge, but when you die, he does not get whatever is left of Mr. Deep Pockets’ estate. In this scenario, whatever is left of Mr. Deep Pockets’ estate after you die goes to your daughter, and Mr. Sponge sucks eggs.
What Muffin is describing could be done with a trust. You put everything in trust with daughter getting the income of it and then at daughter’s death, it goes to grandchild.
I know that it is perfectly legal to disinherit a child in Virginia. I would tell someone to make it explicit in the will or trust just to avoid them claiming that they was unintentionally omitted.
That’s what I was thinking, but IANALawyer. Wills can be challenged – I’m not sure the same is true when an estate is divided automatically by law. I know that in Illinois the kids all get an equal share in that case, as it happened to me.
So I would say talk to a lawyer who has expertise in the state where your parents reside. It might actually be better for the OP if there ISN’T a will, assiming she’s happy with a 50-50 split, and the assets are pretty basic.
My mother left everything to her children, appointing my eldest sister to be executor, and giving her authority to apportion the estate in any way she saw fit. None of my siblings, nor I paid any attention to the matter at all, except that we did jointly decide to sell the major art pieces, since none of us could afford to take our share as a single art object, and pay the difference to the estate. (almost as much as the houses, those paintings.) It’s two years later, and there are no hard feelings at all, except my eldest sister is very pissed off at the lawyer, who sent her bills for a full year afterwards. (We gave her back enough to pay those.)
I just wanted to assure folks that it can work out reasonably. (Yeah, Okay, I really only wanted to brag on my family, so sue me.)
When my dad was ill, we arranged a power of attorney and a will (I’m executor).
He has children from a previous marriage that he doesn’t see. (Unfair for them, it’s a weird mindset, he feels not entitled/obligated to be a part of their lives after the divorce. Complete opposite of how it is now.)
His estate goes to the children of the final marriage with a statement - “Due to reasons I deem clear and sufficient, I am not leaving anything to children of other marriage” - something to that effect.
All moot anyway, probably only thing left will be debt.
The care has been trickier. For years I was the one helping him out. And the time needed and responsibility has slowly increased over the years. I moved farther out recently and now my sister is closer.
Her financial situation is more precarious, so we decided to pay her for housekeeping/care services up front and she quit a second job. Every month I write her a check from my dad’s account for housekeeping. This way no one’s writing themselves checks from his account.
About a year before my mom died, we four kids (two living locally, two out of state) got together and discussed everything. We had a general idea that whatever mom would leave under her will was divided equally with adjustments for how she’d helped us over the years. My younger brother was her fiduciary at that point, had been taking care of her finances for a few years. We all agreed he’d go on with that duty (a hassle for him) and no one would question his handling of the money (a safe bet as he’s excruciatingly honest).
Mom died in October, of sound mind to the end, with all of us at her bedside in her last few days. In the last weeks of her life she was happily insisting to us that we take whatever of her possessions we fancied. None of us fought over anything, beyond insisting “Are you sure you don’t want that? Do you want this?” et cetera. Her will left uneven amounts, and as it happened, I got a higher percentage than I thought I should. My fiduciary brother (who got the smallest percentage) had to persuade me to accept it, by pointing out how mom’s lifetime contributions to my siblings made that fair. I pushed back enough to make fiduciary brother take some of the moolah from me to compensate him for one point of unfairness I saw. The other two were fine with that.
The only fight I foresee will be making sure fiduciary brother takes a large enough fee as executor of mom’s estate. We keep telling him to take the same amount as the attorney’s fee. He doesn’t think he should take that much. We continue to nag.
Quite recently my ex husband died. He was a dead beat dad, rarely saw my children. Not to mention left us with no money and did not pay support. The state and the IRS pursued him for money but didn’t do it for years. Many years passed and my children grew into adulthood. I sacraficed so much to educate them, rare them and give all that I could with great financial risk to myself. Well you can imagine what happend at the time of my ex husband’s death. The children were sole hiers. I asked them for a portion of the estate that I felt I was entitle to. Guess what I found out, a few of my children had a price to sell out their mother. Not only that, their excuse was that I didn’t do that much or not enough.Talk about being slapped twice in the heart. Can you imagine that,the mother that gave them birth and never let them down was worth nothing. So my best advise is do not trust a family member who is evasive about the estate, file a suit and get a lawyer to keep everyone honest. I will never recover from this. Never in my wildest dreams would I think a child of mine would cheat their mother. Talk to you parents with an honest lawyer present and have it taped. what is also important is the executor of the will. A great deal of control there. Good luck!
If you wanted alimony or child support from your ex-husband, you should have pursued it while you were alive. What you’re entitled to from his estate is what’s written in the will.
I’m currently in the process of executing my mother’s estate; there’s just my brother and I, and a few gifts to charities. Her father (my grandfather) died about ten years ago; I received something, but he’d had a disagreement with my brother and did not leave him anything. My mother tried to make up for that in her will be leaving her house to my brother and splitting everything else. The house is easily twice what I got ten years ago.
Let it go. My brother has been bitter for a decade, and despite coming out ahead he shows every indication of continuing to be bitter. I wish my mom had been more willing to talk about these sorts of things while she was alive, but I know I’m not owed anything. I’m grateful for the time we had, that she was responsible enough to save and have something to leave behind, and for teaching me the same.
Did he leave a will? If not, then the law specifies how the estate is divided among heirs. If the law does not consider you an heir, then you are not entitled inherit a portion of the estate. In fact, if one of the children was the executor of the estate, they could not give you a share even if they wanted to, as it would be in violation of the law and in violation of their duty as administrator of the estate.
The way you CAN get money from the estate is to be a creditor – someone the estate owes money to. Creditors have to be paid off first, and whatever is left is then distributed among the heirs. You should talk to a layer about how to establish a claim against the estate.
But it sounds like you never made a claim against the estate, and just asked your kids to give you some of their shares after the money was distributed. If they said no, it might make them bad people, but they cannot be considered “cheating” in any way shape or form.
By the way – I agree with the “get a lawyer” part if you feel an estate is being mismanaged or you are being cheated. And FYI, my cousin is now suing his sister, on behalf of their mother, for money the sister allegedly stole from their father’s estate. My brother is the legal guardian of his mother (who is mentally ill), and his sister is administering his estate. My uncle left no will, so the bulk of the estate should have gone straight to his wife, but the daughter (allegedly) decided to just write herself out a check.
Actually, it is. At least it might be, and almost certainly will be if you are an only child. At the very least, there will be expenses related to a funeral and burial that the family will have to come up with very quickly and with little or no notice. Do you have enough money in an account to unexpectedly lay out $5,000 or more in those circumstances? My dad’s funeral (about 10 years ago) was about $7,000. Fortunately, he put his childrens’ names on several of his accounts so we could cover the expenses without having to wait until getting a lawyer and opening an estate through the court system.
Maybe your parents are still relatively young and this isn’t a concern of yours right now. But accidents happen, as little as we want to think about them.
How much back support did he owe you? You shouldn’t have asked your kids for a portion of their money, you should have put it through as a separate claim against the estate. That way, you get paid before their inheritance is calculated.
Of course, this only applies if you had court-ordered support. I assume you did?
It would be better to have a lawyer prepare a power of attorney and bring a copy to the bank in advance. You’ll still have the ability to control the account but you’ll be on record as acting as your parent’s legal agent, not a co-owner of the account. If you co-own the account you extend your personal liability, however small, to your parent’s assets.
I’m sure there are lots of better ways to do it, but it was the only preparation my father was willing to make. He didn’t leave a will. Neither did my uncle. My sister managed our dad’s estate, and I managed my uncle’s estate. We think it was probably easier to administer the estates without a will, as the law is crystal clear about how the assets are to be divvied up, and we didn’t have to worry about fulfilling a bunch of bewildering stipulations. If you want to screw somebody among your heirs, or add someone or something to a list of recipients who wouldn’t otherwise inherit, THEN you need a will.
The way my siblings and I got the parents to make a will and set up POAs was that we all went to a lawyer at the same time, and we all had wills and POAs done. Sibling spouses were included as well. With everyone participating, it was easier than expected, and now it’s done.
We also spent some time discussing advanced directives.
I didn’t mean to come off like I was lecturing you, especially since your father has already passed away. I just meant to share a best practice on something I don’t think most would think of.
Kind of an amusing story - when I went off to college, my dad and I went to our bank and opened my first checking account. It was a joint account in both our names. It worked perfectly find until one day the state dept. of children and youth froze my checking account and took all my money and gave it to my mom.
My dad was in arrears on child support he owed my mom, ironically child support for me. They found MY money that I scrimped and saved for and took it, because from their point of view it was his money… his name was on the account.
