When you confronted your mother you changed the family dynamics. Your sister is over-reacting because she’s trying to “get things back the way they were.” Sounds to me like you’re doing fine, and Congratulations.
I’m gonna bring PPE into our lexicon, 'cause it’s totally brilliant.
I never thought I’d be such a good mom, but my baby is impossible NOT to love. For a while there, I thought maybe my mom never loved me that much because I must’ve been a sucky, unlovable baby. But then I was like, babies are so cute and sweet! How could you NOT love one?
And then it dawned on me… Maybe my mom doesn’t like me all that much, but that doesn’t mean I’m not awesome. I mean, she married my dad, who isn’t all that great. Maybe she’s just a terrible judge of character. PPE attained! Let the excellent parenting commence!
What does your husband think? Ask him to be totally honest. I generally agree with the others in the thread, but it never hurts to have a reality check from someone who knows you really well.
When my husband broke things off with his toxic mother, his brother, who had been supportive, eventually got into full on emotional manipulation to try and draw him back into the fold. When you shield yourself from the bullshit, the rest of them wind up with your share. As far as I’m concerned, that’s their problem! If everyone in the family had the strength you do, maybe she’d have a reason to try and change.
Good question! Hubby thinks my family is insane. He tells me I’ve been a happier person in the past few months than I have been during our entire 7+ year relationship.
Slightly off topic, but baby Smaje is turning 1 next month. I’m a little concerned about inviting my parents to come out for her birthday party, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t. They’ve made it clear that when they visit, they have no desire to stay in a hotel (when they visited after the baby was born, they simply refused my request for them to stay in a hotel and just slept on our couch in our tiny apartment). But I can’t imagine my husband or I would want them to stay with us in our new, bigger house.
Oh, parents. Why you gotta be such a pain in my ass?
On the one side, you have parents who would be traveling across the country and don’t want to stay in a hotel. If it’s a short stay – as in, absolutely no longer than 3 days max – you could swallow your irritation at having your private area disturbed and just deal with it.
On the other hand, you have a boundary-ignoring mother who steamrolls over your feelings and offers you no respect, and a father who joins her in the boundary ignoring, based on the evidence of their staying on the couch in the tiny apartment of new parents who had made it clear that they didn’t want them to be staying with them just then are you freakin’ KIDDING me?, so to hell with their preferences if they’re in conflict with yours in the matter of your own home.
Offer to make them a reservation at a nearby hotel if you’re feeling magnanimous, but if you’re lucky, your mother will still be off in her huff and the subject simply won’t arise.
There are several of us here on the dope who have cut off a family member. (a brother for me) I can tell you that it is hard for your siblings to understand what you are doing and why. They will blame you because you took action.
I agree with this. Once you become a good parent it’s much easier to spot the holes in the story of a bad parent. You’ve had this great baby and you’re handling life as a mom really well, so it seems pretty normal to stop and say -hey wait a minute, now that I understand what being a good mom is about, I can see so clearly that my own mom is being a pain in the ass.
You want more for yourself when you start thinking about what you would (and would not) allow for your own child. Good for you!
For what it’s worth, my own sister did go crazy and disconnect from our mother, and you don’t sound anything like her 
Your sister’s reasoning reminds me of my Thesis Director deciding that the reason I got angry and eventually dropped out when he started publishing my research without my name was PMS. Yeah dude, PMS lasts the whole month and it’s triggered by seeing a paper where 60% of the work is mine but my name is nowhere in sight, gotcha 
I don’t recommend doing to your sister what I did to him, it wasn’t nice and you probably want to still be on speaking terms with IdiotSis in years to come.
smaje, didn’t you post before about your toxic mom? Kudos for standing up to her! It’s really easier when you have a sweet little innocent one to protect, isn’t it?
Chalk me up as another one who thinks your mom has probably been telling your sister that something’s wrong with you – and because of your sister’s experience with PPD she may not herself realize that it’s just your mom being obnoxious. When I started standing up to my mom, after my daughter was born, mom kept telling my sister that I’d just gotten so moody and sensitive since the Little One was born! Fortunately, I’d already warned my sister that she’d be saying that, so my sister just laughed at her…
My mom isn’t as toxic as yours, so we do usually let her stay with us, but man, in your case I’d be tempted to just make them a reservation and email it to them… and if they’re offended by that, then, well, that’s their problem.
For the first birthday party, if you decide to invite them at all (after this thread, I’d reconsider if it was me), go ahead and make the hotel reservation. If they insist they will be staying at your house, “Sure! That’s great! We just need a little privacy, so there’s food in the fridge and I’ll just take a minute to pack up the baby… We’ll be in the hotel down the street. We’ll call you in the morning and meet up for brunch and then we’ll take the sprog to the park. Sounds great. See you then, ma!”
I went back to the old homestead to visit a couple weeks ago. My mother wanted my sister and I to attend the wedding of a distant cousin with her, so we did. At a relative’s house, in between the wedding and the reception, my mother comes out with this ridiculous whopper lie about me. She completely made up a story about an incident that never happened! I fumed about that for a minute, and then a day or so later, I told mom that I had no memory of the incident and I’d appreciate if she didn’t tell stories about me to distant relatives that put me in a negative light. The story made mom sound like the long-suffering, ever-sacrificing Perfect Mother and it made me sound like this spoiled little selfish ingrate. Mom’s response: “Oh, you’re just too sensitive.”
So mom can say any bullshit about me she wants to and if I get my back up about it and confront her, in a rational, calm, mature, adult manner, then it’s my problem. She doesn’t have to change her behavior or be concerned with how it affects other people. And I should just get over it.
No way in hell I’d let her push my boundaries and stay in the house with her if I didn’t want to.
I did indeed. It was heartening to hear so many fellow dopers reassure me that my mother’s behavior was not normal, despite what I had been led to believe by…well, by her.
It seems unlikely that my parents will receive an invitation from me for any birthday celebration, unless my mother makes some gesture that she’s willing to compromise – as in, be nice and respectful to me, and I will be nice and respectful to her. But I haven’t heard a peep from her in a couple of months, so I’m not sure she’s interested in working on our relationship right now. Maybe she’s as content with me out of her life as I am with her out of mine. 
Sad but true.
Oh no dear, she’s waiting for you to apologize. She will never, ever, ever admit she’s in the wrong, plus see “Why is it always me who has to call my mother?” syndrome.
My mother used to pinch me hard enough to bruise. She eventually acknowledged that her “just a little pinches” were causing actual pain and stopped, but she still wanted me to apologize for having yelped when she pinched an already-bruised spot. They’re the Mom so they’re entitled to do anything they want to you, don’tchaknow…