My skies are grey

My little Squirrel Girl has passed away.

The good girl in my avatar photo went to sleep in my arms an hour ago, never to awaken.

She was roughing it for the last few days, becoming non-responsive, getting confused in familiar surroundings, not recognizing me or any of her friends. I took her in to the vet on Friday, and after $3000 in tests, they said she had cancer growing behind her bladder. We talked about options to combat the cancer, and had a consultation with an oncologist for Monday.

The let her come home with me on Saturday, and she was completely out of it. I even cooked up some ground beef for her and put it on a place, and she barely even cared. She did eventually eat most of it, but left a significant amount.

Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life. She would just stand and stare, then start walking into walls. I would take her outside and she would relieve herself, but just keep walking in circles. Eventually, I would bring her back in, get her to lay down with me, and she would fall asleep for an hour or so, only to repeat the process when she woke back up.

I took her to her favorite park this morning, and she almost seemed to be there for moments, but then would slip back into a fugue state. I didn’t keep her there all that long.

I took her back to the vet, a 24 hour emergency vet, and told them that I thought that she was gone. After evaluating her, they agreed with me, and we chose to euthanize her. They were able to allow me to come in and be with her while the put her under, and I just held her and whispered sweet nothings into her ear, told her that she had been such a good girl and that she deserved to rest. I told her that I would be there for her, always, that I would be there when she woke up.

As I starting singing to her, our little private song, “My little Squirrel girl, you make me happy, when skies are grey.” she went limp in my arms, peed on me a little, and then went completely slack.

The vet confirmed that she had passed, and I took a few minutes with her before they came to take her away. She will be cremated and I will get the ashes back in a few days. Nice wooden box and everything.

She had a good friend who moved away a few years ago, and then he passed on last year. I plan on sending some of her ashes to my friend, so that he can put them with his, and they can be together again.

Not sure what I should do with my avatar. I’ll leave it for now in remembrance of her, but I’m not sure if I want to see it while discussing politics or gun rights.

Anyway, this has been a mundane pointless thing that I really had to get off my chest. I hope everyone else is well.

Thank you for listening.

Good girl Squirrel.

I’m sorry k9bfriender.

I’m so sorry, @k9bfriender. There is nothing so deserving of true mourning than the the loss of a good dog.

I feel your pain keenly, because I lost my own most true and loyal companion just a couple of months ago. Shedding tears for both of us now as I write. The memories will be a comfort – but not yet.

My best to you.

I am sorry for your loss. It sucks to lose such loyal friends. She will always be in your heart.

I’m sorry k9bfriender, losing pets is always so hard and so sad.

I’m sorry you lost your good chum. It’s very hard. You gave her the wonderful life and good death she deserved. Blessings upon you.

I’m sorry for your loss, k9bfriender. Good thoughts to you.

BIG HUGS

Neither mundane or pointless. and now I got somethin’ in my eye…

You have my heartfelt sympathy.

Aw, gee, I’m sorry.

Hug.

We lost our pair of k9friends a year ago… I still say hi when I come in the door. And then I figure they’re cavorting around somewhere, so I keep up the conversation…

I’m very sorry to hear about your girl.
We have three dogs, and the oldest is starting to go downhill. I’m dreading the inevitable.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Good dog, Squirrel Girl!

StG

I’m so sorry for your loss. No matter how many times we go through this, it never gets easy.

Good human, k9bfriender!

I will be holding you both in the light.

I’m terribly sorry for your loss. We lost our sweet girl less than a week ago.

I hear you.

A friend of mine posted this to me on Facebook. I think his link shows on Facebook only; I found it on a poster, which of course they’re trying to sell (sorry). There are many different versions of its message out there, it seems. I hope it helps.

I would have used the words, beautiful, moving, powerful, painful, poignant and loving.

I’m so sorry.

I try to avoid trite BS at times like this, but …

The eulogies that dog-owning Dopers give … the way they tell us about the loss of a fur baby … to me … are powerful testaments to the love the Doper has for the dog. It’s beautiful. That kind of love usually leads to pretty deep feelings of loss and grief.

You love hard, you grieve hard.

Which some people can’t really feel or comprehend.

IOW, the pain of your loss and your love for your little squirrel girl were abundantly clear in your words. I’m sure she was a lucky and well-loved dog.

I’m so sorry.

That was one of the most moving posts I’ve ever read here. I need to step out and bawl a minute for Squirrel Girl and all the good lost dogs.

I’m so sorry. Only someone who has loved a pet as well as you loved her can understand how heart-breaking it is. I lost my 2 boys within 3 weeks of each other last fall. My heart still hurts. Just know that she knew you loved her and that she loved you.

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies, it makes it easier to know that there are others who understand.

It’s going to be a bit rough the next couple of months. One of the great things about owning a dog grooming shop is that I get to bring my dogs with me. All my clients know my dogs, as they are friendly and well socialized and love to meet other people and dogs. The downside is that most of my regulars will probably ask where Squirrel is, as she usually is waiting at the door to greet them. Some of my clients really liked her, and would bring her toys and treats. So, that’s a conversation I will probably have to have a few hundred times.

She also was extremely trusting, and had a tendency to sleep with her paws under the wheels of my desk chair. I always look around before getting up, and have practiced doing so without moving the chair. I’m sure that over the next few weeks, I will out of habit glance down at the base of my chair to make sure she’s not in the way, and will feel a pang every time I realize that she’s not.

This was the first dog that I got as a puppy, just 7 weeks old. I taught her everything, and she was so smart, she picked up on everything so quickly. I’d joke with her sometimes, get her to do some tricks, then tell her to build a fusion reactor. I really only ever put her on a leash when we were places where such was expected, most of the time just letting her walk freely with me wherever we happened to be.

I used to have to go to work and leave her at home, but the last 8 years, I have been able to bring her with me. Since then, we haven’t been separated for more than a couple hours at a time, relatively infrequently for things like dentist visits or other places I had to go that she couldn’t.

I’m not sure what my other dog makes of this so far, he’s a little shichon. He doesn’t seem to have really acted much differently, and he probably enjoys the extra attention that he is getting right now, but he has known her most of his life, and they spent time a lot of time playing together. I was a little rude to him Saturday night, as he would get in Squirrel’s way as she was wandering aimlessly, or would try to get my attention while I was focusing on Squirrel.

I really want to get another dog. I love my little guy, but I really enjoyed having a somewhat bigger dog that I could go hiking and camping with. I was just scrolling through petfinder, and saw a puppy that looks just like her, but I don’t know if I can handle that.