It’s October 16 again. The Small One’s birthday. She’s five years old.
365 days have passed since her last birthday; it feels like a month and yet she has learned twenty year’s worth of things. Every now and then on the SDMB we have a thread that’s some variant on the question “Just what is time?” and I can tell you that to a parent, time is something that you never have enough of but want to speed up every now and then all the same to get past work and back to your kid.
I still routinely call the Small One “the baby,” but oh dear, she’s not a baby anymore. She’s a person. Just a few weeks ago she started senior kindergarten, her first true, 100%, polyunsaturated school, and her rate of learning has accelerated again. And today (well, tomorrow, sort of; I still have to sleep) she will be having her first real kid’s birthday party, as 15 kids shall be joining her for hours of cake, pizza and merriment.
She’s a PERSON now. She has little friends and big dreams; she tells stories and jokes and is beginning to understand how other people work. Her math is coming along at amazing speed, her reading is starting to kick in. In the last year she’s cracked out with words like “metamorphosis” and “migration” (she loves science.) She’s taken a liking to rock music; she loves playing Guitar Hero with me. I let her prcess the whammy bar and she named our band “The Hot Monsters,” which actually is a decent name for a rock band. When I asked her “how does rock music make you feel?” she said “ANGRY!” It was one of the most awesome moments in human history. (Her favourites are “Song 2” by Blur and “Ex-Girlfriend” by No Doubt. Also anything by AC/DC.)
She loves thrill rides. This year she went to Disneyworld and Canada’s Wonderland for the first time and she loves roller coasters. She loves dinosaurs, Barnies, Hot Wheels, and Little Pet Shop. She has a little video recorder my sister got her for thsi birthday and she makes “Broadcasts” starring her dinosaurs. She’s becoming much more adventurous with her food selection. She’s begun demonstrating command of irony in her humour. Her motor skills are just improving at an unbelievable rate, her memory and awareness remarkable, her affection for others is amazing.
She’s becoming a person. And damned if she isn’t a fantastic person. She’s polite, caring, gentle, empathetic, well behaved, funny as hell. She’s quite a lot like… well, like me. But better, I hope.
Things have not been fantastic at Casa RickJay this last year, as I have complained elsewhere. My marriage appears to be over. Thank God, thank God, The Small One is one issue we have no disagreements about; she spends lots and lots of time with both of us, whatever schedule is convenient for the week. And the Small One has adapted to this just amazingly. Just one more remarkable thing about her.
How did I get this lucky?
I do one of these things every year and I’ll say it before and shall again and will next year; I love Madeline more than the English language is equipped to express and I doubt any other language could do any better. “Love” barely covers it, really. It is a ferocious, fiery devotion. And it makes me so happy, so overjoyed. The very thought of her fills me with elation.
How did I get this lucky?
Well, you know, we all get lucky and unlucky, don’t we? I was lucky to be born in Canada. I have been very lucky to be healthy. I’ve been lucky in most of my guesses and decisions and in the family I was born into. But in some regards I’ve been unlucky; my marriage obviously is not a lot of fun, and finances right now are the pits.
On the whole I’d say my life is clearly on the positive side of the ledger, but The Small One just blows everything away. If all my other lucky breaks are 700 Lucky Points and all my unlucky ones are 450 Unlucky Points, Madeline is worth 1,000,000 Lucky Points. A day.
I weighed myself tonight. I’ve lost 44 pounds now. You know why? For her. I want to know her as long as I can. These five years have been the best of my life. I want as much more as I can get.
I hope I can get through all this separation and professional mess and be the best father I can be, because she deserves the best father anyone could be.
I love you, Maddy.
