We tried to use natural consequences whenever we could. As I see it you have three different things going on that need addressing. Each of them different so just saying you’re on restriction doesn’t make it clear enough that specific misdeeds have specific consequences.
So for example at our house, in addition to the sincere apology already given; consequence for breaking the window is working off the cost of the repair.
The consequence of the disobedience would be losing golfing privledges for a period of time; perhaps the next couple of outings. The length of time would depend on how much he was getting to play before his indescretion. If he only golfs once every two weeks then removing golf for two weeks is ineffective. He needs to be restricted long enough to “miss” it. When our boy was 8 he was taking lessons on Thursday afternoons and getting to golf on saturday. I would have forbidden lesson and golfing for two weeks. Particularly since you mentioned that you spoke to him about it and required that he use wiffle balls when playing in the yard several times.
At our house lying is worse than whatever you felt you needed to lie about. So discipline for the indescretion and the lying are separate and lying is more severe.
After restriction was over for the indescretion, we would have a discussion about how it is much easier to keep a trust than it is to regain trust once it has been lost. I would explain that while he is now off restriction for the disobedience, he has shown that he cannot be trusted to follow house rules with regards to wiffle balls when playing in the yard yet. I would remind him that he was warned several times and then explain that he would not be permitted “possession” of his golfing things until he could regain our trust. He would have to come to a parent and ask permission for access to them. Meaning in effect that he could not play golf whenever he wanted without getting permission. He would only get to play in the yard when a parent was around in see that he was using wiffle balls since he hadn’t yet demonstrated the maturity to be obedient in this one specific area.
I would not be wishy washy about this and I would be certain that he could not be tempted (since he has demonstrated he can’t be trusted when it comes to his passion for golf) by putting the clubs, shoes and balls in the truck of my car so he really had no chance to disobey. The first time he asked for his clubs to play in the yard, I would grant the request and remind him “wiffle balls only”. Next time I would grant the request and not remind him, but check on him after he got started, commenting with as soft a look on my face as I could and saying something like, “just checking to be sure you remembered to use the wiffle balls”. Next time I would check without comment. At some point we’d have another discussion about how it is much easier to keep a trust than it is to regain trust once it has been lost.
I would not have restricted him from all activities. IMO, that invites boredom and bored kids are more likely to get into much more serious trouble than golfing mishaps.
It sounds like a lot of work to break it down and address each thing separately, but it really has been remarkably effective for us. Our boys were great kids who made some stupid mistakes and occasionally misbehaved or disobeyed. We emphasize trustworthiness though and I knew (after the first teaching incidents) that I could trust them.
Our oldest had this mastered by about 5 and would come clean rather than lie. This served him very well when he was in middle school and he was accused of something he didn’t do. When confronted by a parent about his behaviour, I told her that I would look in to it and deal with it appropriately. After he and I talked privately, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he hadn’t done what he’d been accused of and the other child was trying to save his butt by blaming someone else. As the big face to face meeting with those involve played out I was able to stand by my son and by his truthful and full account of what had happened, ask the correct questions to expose the other young persons lie. Sadly, this boy continued to lie to his mother at home right up until the meeting. Even at the beginning of the meeting with his mother sitting right there he made a feeble attempt. As the meeting continued his mother kept turning to him and saying is this true? Are you sure? I did not have to do that, I knew I had the whole truth from our private discussion at the house, where I had reminded him that the truth was going to come out, better that I know now and be angry, than find out later in public with a nasty surprise. As the meeting went on, the other boys story fell apart and it was clear which young man was being truthful. Interestingly enough, my son was not blameless. He had done something that needed to be corrected and apologized for (and he knew it), but he had not done what he was accused of. Since he came clean about what he had done, we were able to discuss it and suggest alternatives for what he should have done and what he might do, if a similiar social situation ever occured.
I hope that whatever you decide works for you so and corrects your son’s behavior so that you can trust him again and he can enjoy his passion for golf.
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