That was a really insightful post Helena. I’m sorry for all you went through but glad you found a road to healing.
Exhusband basically does not exist. He lives in this province but has not seen his mother in about 3 years, and I have not seen him in 12. Not a bit of child support or visiting his son. His brother bumped into him accidentally last fall, they had an awkward 2 minute conversation and he split.
Brother in law works 12 hour days, and he and his wife have a 2 year old. They are barely keeping their heads above water. Sis in law’s own mother has MS so she is busy with that, plus her demanding job (she is now doing the job of 2.5 people) They are supportive and call and visit on weekends. Oh they moved this month and got married on Saturday. I am not currently working and I am a nurse, so it makes sense for me to be the support person. Until she got a little weird there was no problem with me being the go to person.
My mom and dad are pretty healthy, early 70s and able to help each other. So, really I am not worried on that part, especially since I know my mom is ok, at least until she has radiation and or chemo and all that entails.
Helena, thank you for your insight. She hasn’t survived, however. She has instead delayed treatment in order to take the trip and see the son that is around get married. She did watch her boyfriend of 20 years die of cancer, and I know she is trying to do everything she can. At first. i was supportive, as long as it was stuff she was doing as well as surgery etc. now she is flip-flopping all over the place on getting surgery or not.
But thank you for the reminder about what a mind fuck cancer can be. The hardest thing for the last week of july was trying to deal with that PLUS mom in law and not taking the trip, … all of it at once was hard.
I dunno what it is about life, but there’s never just one terrible, stressful thing going on. It seems like it always has to be twenty terrible, stressful things at once. What you’re describing… is a lot. You are not only concretely managing multiple people in the day to day, you are dealing with all of their emotional fallout as well, plus your own emotions. That you’re holding up with such a great sense of humor impresses the hell out of me.
Thanks Spice Weasel! YOU impress the hell out of me, actually!
The fact that my mother is very matter of fact, but has this wry sense of humour helps. She asked her surgeon to keep her “abreast” of any news. She had a lumpectomy 25 years ago, and thus used to refer to her breasts as “Lefty” and “Scarface!” Now Lefty needs a new name… LOL.
The night after she was diagnosed I went to the July 26th Vancouver concert of the Tragically Hip. The band has been the soundtrack to my life from university on. The lead singer has a glioblastoma, which is in remission but will never be cured. Laughing crying and singing with 20 000 people was the most cathartic experience of my life.
This is an article that was written about their Saturday night show, in their home town of Kingston Ontario. It was broadcast live and commercial free, breaking from Olympic coverage, on national network tv.
I watched that concert as we get CBC on our cable system here in the Seattle area. They’re amazing. Talk about bittersweet. I’m glad you were able to go to the Vancouver concert.
My apologies for misreading your post, or reading what I wanted it to be! Still, your MIL is functioning out of desperation, denial, and fear that she can’t get past. I can understand not wanting to pursue treatment. Sometimes I thought it would be easier to die than to go through it all. I don’t suppose gently suggesting counseling would go over well but she certainly needs it.
Now we know where you got that sense of humor. 
I hadn’t heard of them, but I really like their sound. I hear a little of The Smiths, maybe some REM. I love angsty music. And music can be so sustaining through hard times. I’m glad you had that experience.
Update on my mother:
The surgeon says they removed the tumour. with clear cancer-free margins, and no cancer in the lymph nodes. My mom will undergo radiation to get any stray cells but it seems that the bulk if not all of the cancer was removed surgically!
Happy Dance!
Hey, finally some good news. Hopefully it’ll last.
What wonderful news!! Woohoo!
Excellent!
My grandmother is a breast cancer survivor going on 30 years in remission. I hope your Mama stays healthy and well from here on out.
Good news about your mom!!!
My beloved grandmother had a mastectomy at 91 years of age, and just missed living to her 108th birthday. May your mom be as lucky!
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, kittens, humour and kindness. Next week MIL gets her surgery.
I’m so glad she’s pursuing treatment. I hope all goes well.