Why are containers of body parts being found all over the place? Well, the answer is - and I’m sure you’ve thought of this - alien beings.
That’s right. No longer content with your run-of-the-mill cattle mutilations, aliens are turning to far more nefarious deeds. Who else would leave a 55-gallon drum of goat semen in a forest preserve or a 5-gallon bucket of teeth on the roof of a building? These are places no one can see - EXCEPT FROM THE WINDOW OF A UFO! It makes sense that the aliens would want to hide their ingredients on earth. Have you ever attempted a hyperspace jump with a barrel of goat semen? IT AIN’T PRETTY.
But why would aliens want this stuff in the first place? Maybe they don’t! Maybe they’re discreetly trying to dispose of it! They can’t just open the pod bay doors and fling it out into space, because NASA would pick it up with the Hubble Telescope! “Commander, is that a…a… a bucket of teeth???”
Obviously aliens have been deconstructing goats into base parts, such as blood, semen, teeth, hair, internal organs. Why are they doing this, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you why they’re doing this - the aliens are probably building a new breed of goat! One that can leap tall buildings in a single bound! Able to take out a crowd of riot police with a single headbutt! Able to throw a simple farm into CHAOS!
This new breed of supergoat is a bigger threat to our families and our way of life than herpes, unrefined sugar and Communism combined! Please folks, if you see a goat, run screaming from it at once and notify the authorities! Stock up your bomb shelter for the inevitable Final Showdown between these engineered barnyard heathens and the forces of good! We won’t let those anal-probin’ freaks of nature win THAT easy!
That was the most compelling thread title in some time. I don’t think I could have helped but come in and find out what the HELL you were talking about.
Thank you for the warning. I will be here in my bunker armed to the teeth preparing for the EVIL GOAT HORDE. Ain’t nobody threatenin my family or way of life.
Crap, I’m out of Funions and Olives. Screw it, I’m going out there.
I tried to link to the Goat Porn thread from “Able to throw a simple farm into CHAOS!” but couldn’t find it in a search. So… that’s what I’m talking about.
It prolly had a label: “Goat Semen, Grade B, Keep In a Cool Dark Place”.
I have an explanation for every weirdass Thing found out of its normal place: Drunken Eejits. They are ubiquitous, stubborn and prone to both Treasure Hunts and Frat Hazings.
My opinion and I stand by it. Read any “what I did whilst drunk” thread in any chat for further proof <hic> hunderd proof proof <hic> oh my.
