My Title Is Senior Representative, Not Shell Answer Woman.

The BBQ Pit
21

and the endless cakes to celebrate someone’s promotion, or someone’s birthday, or someone’s sacking, or christmas, or the launch of something, or the first day of spring … i mean, I like cake, but I’m not willing to pay the price of forced socialization in the boardroom. Ugh ! Enough ! It’s enough that I have to work with you people, now I have to act like I’m interested in your family and your opinions, just to get some cake? Sheesh.

I have not yet reached the point where I bring the cake back to the desk to eat it in front of the SDMB, but I think by the time the next person retires, I’ll do it.

22

One of the greatest benefits of my job is working alone. I share an office space with two other women but we are rarely there at the same times. Every once in a while a position opens up “in-center” and I’m asked if I’d like a change. My response has always been a modified version of “Are you fucking nuts?!” To have to sit in one of thirty cubicles and try to get paper work done would drive me mad.

hardygrrl is there any chance of you bargaining for an office with a door? I am a firm believer in physical barriers promoting increased productivity.

Sightly off topic, I’d like to heartily agree with cowgirl’s bitch about forced socialization. I’d like to know who was the ass that came up with the idea of improving the workplace by trying to force friendships among co-workers. If anyone can tell me I promise to go egg his/her house.

23

IIRC, Miss Manners puts the blame on women entering the workforce in large numbers.

Well, more correctly, she puts the blame on the men already in the workforce who did not figure out that women in the workforce should be subject to the “business associate” set of manners and etiquette rather than the “woman” set of manners and etiquette. Instead of treating women like workers bosses treated them like hostesses. Which is why traditionally the woman in the meeting is the one who was expected to make the coffee and what-not. This led to a more generalized blurring of the lines between workplace manners and home manners which led to the current workplace as social setting phenomenon.

The theory made sense when I read it, and it does seem in every workplace I’ve been in that it has been women employees who do all the “morale team” stuff like getting cakes for birthdays and the like. Me, I make it a point never to participate in “treat days” (except Halloween) and to try to stay above as much of the “my cow-orkers are my friends” nonsense as I can since, quite frankly, most of my cow-orkers I wouldn’t have in my home on a dare.

24

I also second cowgirl’s feelings on the social time. Or is that third it??

At my work, I frequently find my desk overflowing with all sorts of junk shit about…hockey night next month, the potluck next week, Jane’s baby shower, Joe’s bachelor party, Ann’s birthday party, and Frank’s last day.

The people who usually pass this stuff out now know that any attempt to give me that nonsense will get to watch it trashed immediately.

None of that tops what I did when our company got bought out, though. There was a mandatory meeting with the new company representatives…in which we were forced to listen to boring shit about who they were and why we should be so thrilled, which all happened in between no less than three videos that had one phrase from some random song as the background noise - can you imagine the burning rage I was developing being forced to watch a six minute video that had the phrase “Yes I can!” as the soundtrack, while watching disjointed images run across the screen? I swear a monky on speed put it together.

At the end of all of that, we were not allowed to leave until we did the new company “cheer.”

Fuck that. I refused to stand, and when it was done, I went out the other door, got the paperwork HR forced me to have, and literally ran out of there.

Completely ignoring the cake that they had set out for us as a type of “reward” or something stupid. :rolleyes:

It helps that I hate cake nowadays.

25

Oooooooh, I hAAAaaaTe this One!!! When you are working on a project for them and they keep interrupting you to ask where you are!!!

You have my complete sympathy.

Funny, I was thinking about adding an office rant of my own, but may I tack on contestants number 4, 5, 6 etc?

Our office is (and has been since I’ve been on these projects, which have followed me over three different companies), located in “Suite 100”.

You know what I’m talking about…

That first office space in any office building, where every Billy Joe Bob pokes his head in to ask any number of stupid questions having NOTHING to do with your business, but yet he thinks that because your office is the first one he comes to you must know everything that goes on in the entire building right?

So, our previous office we were neighbors with a school district union office, and they were in and out quite a bit, so oftentimes their office would be dark until 1pm or later.

We used to get so many people coming in asking where they were!! We would first politely inform people that we were an environmental company and were in no way affiliated with the school district, but they’d frantically insist, “are you sure you havent’ seen them, I really need to talk to them, can you give them a mesage for me”?

Are you kidding? No!

Currently our office is housed in a complex with 4 detached “apartments” on a nice piece of land. Ours is the middle unit and has ample signage and indications that it’s a business and not one of the residences.

Yesterday a carpet cleaner came to do the upstairs apartment’s floors, he must have come down to our office more than half a dozen times, at least three of those times trying to get us to help him get in contact with the apartment renter, and wanting to know who to bill!!!

Then when he finally finished, he came down to borrow a pen and my desk so that he could fill out a bill! All the time chatting away!!!

26

Forced socialization. The ahem (if I may use your phrase, please, hardygrrl) FUCKWAFFLE who is responsible is anybody who cops an attitude or gets their feelings hurt if you don’t jump at the chance to have dinner at their house three nights a week, babysit their kids, boink their cat, whatever. To these people, if y’aint for 'em, yer against 'em, and YOU’RE NOT THEIR FRIEND. So, seeing as how you’re not their friend, let the ankle biting commence.
Unfortunately, shining people on constantly gets as tiring as having one of these stalkers for a friend. It’s a high maintenance job. Damned if ya do, buggered if ya don’t.

27

Sounds like you work with my Dad but he’s been retired for 7 years. There’s two of him? :eek:

28

Does the fun ever START?
My department head, formerly my direct supervisor who I have ranted about before has only gotten worse.
For some odd reason, he wants all my projects done in Outlook. Attachments are his kryptonite. I’m cranking away on my Monthly Slice Of Fun That Doesn’t Involve Absorbant Cotton Products when an application freezes.

“No sweat, I’ll just task manager it closed and re-open it!” I thought, sparkly from the four cups of coffee I had drank in an attempt to keep my eyes open. Hit CTL-ALT-DEL…

Task manager crashes. Have to power down to reboot and lose all my work. I vaguely remember calling my computer geek friend as I laid my head on the cool plastic of my cube, whimpering “tell me there’s a file somewhere with my stuff in it.”

Lucky for me, I’m obsessive compulsive enough to screen print each account and write my notes on the prints. Trees be damned, I didn’t have to start all over, just re-type. Next time my boss came by for a status update I said “Since Outlook doesn’t AutoSave, you’re getting it in Word and a bit later than usual” then put my headset back on before he could say a word.

Wonder how much I could get for a kidney? Enough to live off of for a while? Winning lottery tickets, ANYONE?

29

I second Fenris’ complaint about people who drop in to chat, and WON’T LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE WHEN YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY BUSY.

My usual exchange, very similar, goes like this:
“…hi pZott, do you have a minute?”
:: visualize flaming death-spears spewing forth - not to mention the Death-Ray Stare I give them - as I reply,
"NO!"
“ok, here’s what I wanted to ask about…” ::sits down at my desk::
At that point I only barely succeed in the mighty - nay, epic - effort of resisting the urge to Get Medieval On Their Ass™. But, I swear, one-a these days, Alice…
GRR.

And I wanted to add, since this thread was closed some time ago, that fuckwaffle is my new favorite swear word! Thanks hardy! And best of luck with all the <snerk!> <giggle!> fuckwaffles in your office.

/lurk

30

Thanks a lot–I just spit coffee all over my keyboard!

[sub]So what are you supposed to do with the murder weapon, anyway?[/sub]

31

Oh god, my last job was like this. Our office area was being remodeled, and we got stuck in the old blood bank/laboratory area right near the front of this building (worked for a medical center). We had big sliding glass automatic doors that were too sensitive and so popped open all the time - and this encouraged people to walk in. The information desk was no longer staffed due to budget cuts, and various departments had been moved around so the directory wasn’t necessarily right. To top it off, as a result of all the moving, our own telephone directories weren’t necessarily right either, so if we wanted to be nice and help someone, we’d have to get a wrong number, then call the hospital operator.

We had people who didn’t have 35 cents for the pay phone across the hall - or didn’t want to pay 35 cents - come in and ask us to call their medical transport company for pickup. We had an old woman who, about once a month (I assume she was in for regular checkups or a prescription refill), would come into our suite area and use one of our private bathrooms, rather than going to the public bathroom down the hall. She would not respond when you’d call out “Ma’am? Excuse me?”, etc. (I’m assuming she did this back when it was still the blood bank/lab - those bathrooms were typically used for patients giving urine samples though, not for just anybody who wanted to use one.)

It’s worth noting that although we were a “medical office”, this wasn’t where we saw patients. This is where we did paperwork, kept files, had meetings, etc. - the patient-seeing area was in a different building.

32

Not to hijack or anything, but I second Janie Jones’ query about mouthbreathers.

What’s so objectionable about breathing through one’s mouth?

33

Similar variation - I had the first cubicle encountered when one entered our office area. As it happened, the boss sat just across the aisle from me - his door and my cubicle opening were almost aligned. Naturally, the female sitting across from the head guy’s office must be the secretary, right?

Um, no.

Well, still, you must know where he is, right?

Um, no. My position descrition does not include “Watching Phil” as a responsibility. I’m an engineer.

Well, when will he be back?

Um, eventually?

Now, if Phil happened to mention where he was going and when he expected to return, I’d pass the information on if asked. He’d do the same for me if I had to leave. But the assumption that I was his “girl” just hacked me off.

And it’s the same deal where I work now. I share a cubicle with 3 men. If one happens to be gone and someone comes in looking for him, guess who they ask? Even tho I sit with my back to the cube entrance. Even tho I’ve got engineering drawings all over my desk. The other guys in the cube never get asked - it’s always me.

“Sorry, not my turn to watch Tom today.” - I’ve said that several times.

I dream of having an office with a door I can close.

34

Forced socializing:

In about 20 minutes I will be heading out to lunch with my group at work. It’s an end of audit celebration and is supposed to be a “team building” event. :rolleyes:

Considering the process we went through to pick a place and event, we might as well never speak to each other again. Get together outside of work hours? Nope. Do something fun? Nope - no one can agree what “fun” is. Suggestions for a place for lunch? No choice will satisfy all 100%.

What’s even better is that today I’m wearing my button down shirt that we all got. It has our company name on it with “Finance” written underneath.

I feel like such a company woman.

35

Hardygirrrrrrrrrrrl,

I would like to say that you are the one who seems to have the problems in your office, and not the other people. I’m sorry that you have to sit by a man who makes annoying sounds all day. (I would like to know why “mouth breathing” is soooooooo annoying to you? What other orfice is this poor man supposed to breathe? He cannot breathe out of his anal cavity because that is used for something that really annoys you HEEHEEHEE)

Hardy, don’t you fart? I do. Most humans do. You must have large ears, to listen to him all day. If you are a “senior rep”, your job is to help your staff. Obviously, you are smarter than they are, so offer some assistance.

Why don’t you just quit and find a man to love you who never farts and breathes 100% through his nostrils. I guarantee you will be using a sex aid until you die.

OOPS, I farted!

SHEP

36

You sit across from Darth Vader all day, ummkay?

All the time, sugarpants, but I have the common courtesy not to do it in public, not being raised in a barn and all.

Hard to ignore loud things. Like I said before, I can hear him over my Walkman. That’s pretty loud. Since you have trouble reading and comprehending, let me draw you a picture. With happy, vest wearing bunnies.

I do, when my time is not allocated (I’ll give you a second to go look that word up) to projects that have to be done ASAP. Suits can’t wait.

Actually, my boy does fart. Sometimes he spits. Since it’s not in a place where professional behavior is expected, I don’t mind. In the workplace, a certain level of behavior is expected. In private, things are different. Amazing how that works, eh?

And there goes half of your intellect :rolleyes:

If I had the appropriate equipment, I’d invite you to lick my bag.

37

I wonder if you could work in Word then paste special the final results into Outlook as unformatted text. I do that often for longer stuff.

Time tip:

That takes too long-- that stupid White-out is hard to write with, and comes off too easy. Have a stencil made and use spray paint.

Example-

Fuckstick: “Hardy how do I print and envelope again?”
You: [Slap and Spray], with a firm kick to the ass to guide the person out.
Fuckstick: “Nevermind, I will just write it in by hand”

:wink:

38

Have you tried eating an apple through your nose?