Stuffy, I’m sorry. If wondering who your boys are going to date is what is troubling you then you’ve done a great job raising them.
Too often I come to this board and find a multitude of tales about some parent’s kids running around committing various acts against the law and seeking sympathy. Allow me to apologize once again for some silly comments and good luck with those kids.
Even though I thought you were being a bit overbearing, none of this is sarcastic. And once again, I am not a parent, so good luck.
This is what I was mostly worried about. Right now my kids have a great relationship and the last thing I want is it ruined over some girl who’ll probably move on in a couple of months.
In my perfect world, the boys would date every girl in the school getting serious about none. I know that’s not going to happen, but a guy can dream right? That’s pretty much what I tell them, though. I’m probably nor articulating this very well. bbs2k It’s all good.
Is this really something that could happen? Two teen brothers have their relationship stressed forever because they both like the same girl? If the older brother continues seeing this girl, the younger one will find out eventually. He might not be happy for a while, but I just have a hard time seeing him be all bitter over it. He’s 14…I think he’ll get over it. Brothers compete with each other all the time.
I know you’re saying that you’re not enforcing a hard and fast rule, and I was somewhat alright with the fact that it’s pretty bad form of the older one to step in like that, but I dunno, it seems to me that’s a work-it-out-between-them problem. Bells especially went off about contacting the girl’s mother. What does she have to do with this? is this just to scare the boys?
I think you’re being a bit overprotective of them generally. IMO, dating around that age IS a huge part of figuring out who you are. It’s a big part of learning to interact socially, learning deeper interpersonal communications, and figuring out what you like in life. I’d personally ease up on that “guideline”.
All that being said i will reiterate that it was pretty bad form of the older brother to butt in like that, and perhaps he did need to have a talk, perhaps you could’ve talked it out between both of them at the same time though, to get the whole situation on the table at once though. Good luck with the fallout, just remember that that’s how people mature, doing dumb things. Sometimes experience isn’t the best teacher, it’s the only teacher.
Good point. Whatever rules you lay down, they’ve got nothing to do with whether or not the girl in question actually likes one of your sons (or which one she likes. Nothing in the OP indicated that she was anything more than friends with the younger one). I don’t think formal rules or punishments are in order, but some good advice is (please no ‘bros before hos’).
My thinking when I said it was that if the girl was manipulating the situation it would be an indication of poor character and something her parents might want to correct. That said that’s mostly the reason I wondered if I should have gotten involved at all. I don’t know who started what, and I don’t feel it’s my place to ask. In the end what I wanted was for my older son to understand that they shouldn’t be competeting for the same girl, and that he surely shouldn’t be doing it in what appeared ot be a underhanded fashion.
In the interest of brevity I left it out. The younger does in fact like the girl. Anyhoo, nobody was reprimanded or punished for this. I just thought it would be better of the older brother was upfront about what was going on.
If it was me (and may very well one day be, as I have two young sons myself), I would focus solely on the underhanded nature of flirting/picking up/whatever the girl behind the younger brother’s back and leave the rest for them to sort out. I would give them the “you may be mad at each other or both want the same girl or whatever but by god you do not backstab your family” speech.
As far as contacting the girl’s mother - dude, don’t. You may have good intentions, but all the mother is going to hear is “your daughter is a tease that’s screwing around with my sons and you are not a good mother so fix it.” It will only end in tears or on COPS.
I totally agree and spent this weekend wishing I hadn’t said that. Although I have to admit that’s precisely what I was thinking. You should have heard my wife’s reaction this morning. She missed the whole thing having spent the weekend with her family. Anyway, I may go back and try to clean that up a little.
